Little Thing

It was fine saturday morning & no laundry today so i wanted to stay in bed longer but Qayla woke up SO early which was SO unlike her coz she usually wakes up at 9am like come on baby it's Saturday uggh & hubby's suddenly craving for Maggi curry with egg but i planned to make pancakes this morning but we only had 1 egg left so i cooked Maggi for him anyway with that 1 last egg & at the same time made Qayla's breakfast & preheated her bath & had a me time for 10 seconds by drinking honey then hubby complained about his curry noodles for having too little sauce which was his fault coz he let it cool for too long & i had to explain about the science of water absorption & he took picture of his bowl & put it on IGstory lol & we had a little more fight about the splattered oil & greasy stove & he blamed me for not using the right pan then i blamed him back for not buying a new pan & not cleaning the wall & stove regularly & then Qayla made a funny sound & danced in the bath tub & we laughed. Now i'm sleepy but gotta pack for balik kampung & get ready for a open house at cousin's house which i'm so excited about bcoz im hungry but Qayla's taking a nap & gotta wait til she wakes up 2 hours later huhuhu & here i am rambling about my ordinary life with my little family, all the charms & flaws, & those are the things that make us complete & happy ❤ Alhamdulillah..

Perfect Time?

I remember long ago someone asked me these questions: Do u believe that love comes at the perfect time? What if it's not the perfect time for u? Do u continue with it anyway, or do u close off your heart to focus on the things u want to do?

I went through a painful, unexpected breakup that left me heartbroken, shocked, crestfallen & something that felt an awful lot like angry, although i couldn't name it at the time. There was grief, i felt paralyzed by the realization of an ending & loss. As i sunk into love's absence, the last thing i wanted was to find it again. And then, of course, i met someone.

I recognized him as if we'd known each other for years, as if i was returning to him or to myself or maybe both. Things felt easy & airy between us, & i told myself that there might just be something incredible here. There was, & he did everything he could to help it along & show love. He was certain. I was, too. And yet. Fear, it turns out, can be devastating. Fear & possibility can force you to turn away from the right path in favor of something easier, something that's more familiar, even if it's something that leaves you feeling hopeless.

There's a time i pushed him away, & he held on until he didn't. Because that's how it goes, isn't it? We turn someone away, beg them to let go, & then the moment they do, we're struck with the sudden awareness of what we'd always known: Love. Or faith. Or maybe both. I thought it wasn't the perfect time for us. Truth is, it never has been. Again & again we've wrestled between dreams only to realize that being together means being okay with the fact that things won't always be easy. When are things ever really easy anyway? We've been together now though & hey, there's a baby on board. ❤

There were other questions: Do you believe that you have to be happy with yourself before you get involved with someone? Or do you believe that maybe you don't have to have it all figured out, that maybe this person has entered your life to help you? 

Yes, of course. And yes. I believe both of those things, neither feels less true than the other. I think you need to be happy enough with yourself to let someone else help you. And i think it's the opening up, the welcoming in of love, ease & trust, that leads you to look back & feel like the timing was perfect. Even when it wasn't.