The Times You'll Miss

As my time as a student has came to end, I can't help but reflect on the past 4 years while Vitamin C's Graduation plays in my mind. I'm not going to put you through that, but I'd like to share some words of advice for the juniors, wherever, whoever they are. I'm gonna go ahead and get the cliches out of the way first: College flies by. Get involved. Take advantage of the opportunities. Have fun. Study hard. Don't take those years for granted. Be safe. You'll someday look back on this time and miss it. You will. 

Now that those are out of the way (yet, so very true) I'm gonna add a few of my own what-I-wish-I-had-known-while-in-college lessons. 

1. The library has the best resources. Learn how to use them. Yep, I didn't know this until my last semester. They also have subscriptions to some of the raddest, most expensive websites and databases in the world. Explore your hobbies and interests now. You have the best resources to do so.

2. Have dinner with your dorm mates. They're gonna be the ones that you miss the most after your course mates. 

3. Talk to your lecturers. They're people like us too and (most) always there because they really do want to help you learn. And (most) are experts on extremely specific topics. And (most) wanna tell you about what they know. Make appointment, email/text them if you have questions. Know what's worth debating and what's not. 

4. Put down your phones and talk to people around you. After college, you're probably rarely, if ever, going to be around so many people in the same life stage/situation as you. Everyone's there trying to get a degree. We're all on the same playing field, help each other out. Meet people who are interested in your same hobbies. You may never again see people with the same interests on a daily basis. But don't stick to only groups that agree with what you think or like what you like. Explore different groups and make friends with all kinds of people. This is how you learn. 

5. I think this is probably the most important thing I wish I had known: take control of your course, don't let it control you. Choose something that you're really interested in as your major. Don't just follow what your friends choose or what you parents told you so. I wish I had taken different course. I should've been more open to the idea I'd maybe change my mind before deciding on a major. But it doesn't matter anymore. So get them done. Although you're not the smartest in class, be smart anyway. Don't fall into so much drama. Don't waste your time on people who lead you to bad things. 

6. Get off the laptop and go out with your dorm/course mates sometimes. Go to stadium and run. Have a tea time at cafeteria. Go to cinema. Facebook will be around 10 years down the road, but you won't be on campus forever.

I do miss campus more than words could ever express. This is a chapter I long to return to, but life doesn't work that way. All I can do is let those of you going into college or currently in its throws know that this is it. These are times you will miss. Be present. Cherish every single moment. :)

10 Seconds of Fame

I'm officially graduated!! Yay!!! 

*fireworks*

*confetti rain*

Well, it's just an ordinary graduation ceremony. But it's probably the onetime experience, so I wanted to feel the moment. Yes, it's fun, but it's also tiring and exhausting! Plus I only ate a couple of sandwiches that day. I skipped lunch and regretted it. We waited for 2 hours before parading into the hall. The parade was my favorite part..it's glorious, you know..when you walked on red carpet into the hall and everyone's watching and applauding, accompanied with orchestral music. Oh it's wonderful. But the excitement faded a while as we had to wait for another hour before being on stage. When it's time, I could only hear my heartbeats. I went up stage, my name's mentioned, I know I was on the screens, faced the chief minister of Sabah, smiled at cameras, took scroll, said thanks, and went down smiling. That's all. 4 years of study and 10 seconds of fame. Lol! 

Exiting the hall, I ran straight away to find my lovelies. The 1st ones I met were Ifo, Jasper and Selvin. They brought me flowers! Then we went to meet my family and they had flowers for me too. I felt blessed. Being hugged and kissed by mum and dad was the most touching moment, nothing could make me happier than seeing them happy and proud. Despite the fact that I was famished and exhausted, I was glad. Unfortunately I didn't get to meet most friends after leaving the hall, we're all separated by the crowds and couldn't find each other. Everything was so brief. I wish I could see them and say goodbye because it might be difficult to meet again.

The next day was Ifo's turn. I loved it how charming he was in suit and robe. We're finally graduated together. ^^ I got to meet his family and take pictures together. The whole Baks was also there so hey, it's a party! We took as much pictures as we want at the chancellor lawn, went crazy together. Then we took off for lunch, played bowling and decided to stay at Lan's place while waiting for concert night at UMS. So we had karocks and watched Pee Mak that made me almost cry. After that we headed to Tamu Gadang and had dinner there. It's not really a cool place because it's too crowded and smokes were everywhere. And the concert was just okay..there's Azlan & The Typewriter, and a band that tried so hard to be like Paramore..whatever the band was, they performed Still Into You at slow tempo and Conspiracy. I was disappointed as they ruined the songs. 

We kinda made a history that night when a woman approached us and asked to help her finding her 2 little sons that were missing at Tamu Gadang. So we split up and looked for the kids, but we didn't find them..others did. Someone sent them to the stage and made announcement. Phew. Glad the kids were safe. Then we escaped from the place and went to the peaceful sports complex. Looking at the huge field, I recalled the orientation moment dancing on the field during our 1st week in campus 4 years ago. It felt like yesterday. Now we're leaving hogwarts and going forward to the new chapters.

Well, it's an amazing night. It made me realize how blessed I am to be surrounded by wonderful people; my family, friends, Ifo, the Baks, bloggers, etc. Hmm, cliche huh? And being a part of the guys is great, I'm always happy whenever they're around. I may be the wallflower in any other place, but I'm the flower in the group. :)

Graduation Speech

So. No Fiction Friday today, just like last Friday. Those who have been waiting for the next chapter of Letting Go, I'm sorry..I'll try to continue next week. I hardly have time to write for the time being with convocation and stuff coming. Well, it's tomorrow, actually. Yay I'm graduating! So I don't have much to write at the moment, though I've got a lot in mind. I just wanna share this one..which will pretty much tell you how I really feel (though I'm neither the best student nor giving speech on graduation).

Blissful Weekend

Last weekend was awesome. Me and family and Ifo went to Kundasang for a holiday trip, we stayed at Little Hut, Mesilau for a night. It's a nice place, with breathtaking view, surrounded by beautiful flowers, windy, cozy cold..such a sanctuary. And there's an onion field in front of the homestay house. 

After checking in to homestay, we went to Poring, it's for the kids. Then we headed to Tagal River to experience a fish massage, which was incredibly great. It's not the normal fish massage that you might get in spa, but this one is huge fish. I was amazed to see a group of big fish swimming around the feet of visitors who stood in the river. At first I was afraid to go down but it'd be waste if I didn't try, so I dipped my feet in the river while feeding the fishes. Oh gosh..I can feel them nibbling my skin. It didn't hurt, just itchy and slippery. Ifo showed us how to feed them right (he went there before); hold the food in your palm, dip your hand in the river and slowly release the food, the fishes would come rushing to your hand. I didn't try that one. :p

That night, we just stayed in homestay and cooked our dinner. Ifo helped us in the kitchen and he even made the grilled banana leaf wrapped fish. My sister said he passed the test. Lol. 

At 3.30 am, we all woke up for qiamullail, it's a practice in Islam to perform tahajjud and hajat prayers at the middle of night, followed by tazkirah and Subuh prayer. It's my dad's idea, which was very good to get much benefits from Allah. Honestly, I'm thankful for being born in the family. Bercuti sambil beramal, they say. 

In the morning, before going to Desa Cattle, we walked around our place and took pictures. Really, it's a very nice place for sightseeing and taking photo, I love how they design the houses with English vintage style. It inspired me to design my own house someday. ^^ So we went to Desa Cattle. We bought milk, met and greeted the calves and goats. The kids had so much fun feeding the tamed young goats. Before heading home, we stopped at Kundasang town to buy some fruits and vegetables. 

It's an awesome vacation. ^^

if only the peak of Mount Kinabalu wasn't covered by the clouds

look at those fishes

i wanna know what does the fox say about us

i can see Mount Kinabalu from my room

;)

brother and the cute house

me and the onion field

my lovelies are feeding the goats

cows might pooped the grass, but we don't care

awesome weekend

Strong as the Wolf Pack

A wolf pack is like the Mafia. Everyone has a position in it. 

An alpha wolf is the leader of the pack. This is the mob boss, the brains of the outfit, the protector, the one who tells the other wolves where to go, when to hunt, what to hunt. The alpha is the decision maker, the capo di tutti capi, who, from 10 feet away, can hear the change of rhythm in a prey animal's heart rate. The alpha's actually far too valuable, as the decision maker, to put himself in harm's way.

Which is why in front of every alpha is a beta wolf, an enforcer. The beta rank is the bold, big thug who's pure aggression. He'll take you down before you get too close to the boss. He's completely expendable. If he gets himself killed, no one will really care, because there's always another brute to take his place.

Then there's the tester wolf, who's very wary and suspicious, who doesn't trust anyone he meets. He's always scouting for change, for something new, and he'll be hiding out at every corner to make sure that, when and if it happens, he's there to alert the alpha. His skittishness is integral to the safety of the pack. And he's the quality-control guy too. If someone in the pack doesn't seem to be pulling his weight, the tester will create a situation where the other wolf has to prove his mettle. Like picking a fight with the enforcer, for example. If that beta can't knock him to the ground, he doesn't deserve to be the beta wolf anymore.

The omega wolf was thought to be a scapegoat and at the bottom of the hierarchy, but he plays a key role in the pack. If 2 animals are fighting, the omega will jump between them and will clown around, until suddenly the 2 angry wolves have taken their emotions down a notch. Everyone gets on his job, and no one gets hurt. The omega holds the critical position of peacemaker. Without him the pack couldn't function; they'd be at a war with each other all the time. 

Say what you will about the Mafia, but it works because everyone has a specific role to play. They all do what they do for the greater good of the organization. They'd willingly die for each other. The other reason a wolf pack is like the Mafia? Because, for both groups, there's nothing more important than family

- I get this from Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult. It's an amazing story. You can read my review here. 

And I've also learned that there are 3 types of wolf howls: a rallying howl, which is a vocal beacon to bring back a missing member of the pack; a locating howl, which is like a voice message to give the placement of any pack that's in the area; and finally, a defensive howl, which is much deeper, and used to protect your territory. Amazing huh?

Unrequited

..this one is quite related to the previous post..

Would you ever go after a guy that isn't interested in you? If you would, what would you do to get to know him more and how to talk to him? I'm really awkward while he's really lively.

Stop. Please, for your own sake. Guys who aren't interested in you don't deserve you. That's it. End of story. Why torture yourself over someone who doesn't appreciate all the things you have to offer? When it happens, with a person, it happens. You know. You fit. You both work for it.

If a guy didn't realize it, well maybe he may at one point "get it" but, it's not your job to wait. Do your thing. Be the best person you can be for yourself. 

Be his friend, be yourself. At the end of the day, that's all you can do. 

Love will Come Eventually

Remember I posted this: We all Start as Strangers? I mentioned about heartbreak there. So let's talk about it. Well, I'd rather slay dragons on any day than have to deal with heartbreak. Heartbreak is the pits. And I've had some trepidation about whether or not to blog about my old heartaches. Because one weird thing about blogs, it's all archived. So even whenever you try and move along, you catch yourself peeking back at those moments. Being brave is something you admire in others and long to be yourself. But it's not that I ain't moving on, of course I've moved on. I'm happier now. This is just a little sharing that might be useful for some of you.

  

So here it goes, young loves.

Long before I met my true love, I dated someone else. He was decent and kind and we had a blast together. I came to really care about him. I loved our times together and I simply adored his family. Honestly, I still respect his family. But then it happens. You know, you drift apart and you realize your lives are headed in remarkably different directions. As much as it breaks your heart and makes you dizzy all at once, you try and accept it's for the best.

But then again, holy guacamole, I had some rough days trying to believe it's for the best. Breakups are flipping weird, ya'll. You go from being best friends with a person to absolutely never speaking again. How does that even make sense? I guess it doesn't. But who ever said love made sense? And in my case, it wasn't even love after all. I must say that as much as it hurt, it was kind of a fresh start, of sorts. 

To my surprise, I got into a new groove. I came out from under my duvet to find the same beautiful world that had always been there, with or without boyfriend. I began to grow and learn so much about myself. And eventually, I met Ifo. :) 

And up until now I learn to accept some things:

• when someone shows you who they are, believe them the 1st time.
• your friends see through a lot of crap.
• don't become a doormat. People love a good doormat.
• respect (yourself, others, just as much as others should respect you).
• you can still care about him at times, but as the ever so wise Elizabeth Gilbert put it, "so miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it." 
• love will come, but don't rush it.
• because it's on its way, waiting to arrive at the most perfect of times.
• just because you broke up, it doesn't make the happiness you had with the person any less real. That happiness was so real.
• never allow your heart to refuse love. Love helps you heal and somebody loves you. Allah loves you. 

Abused Generation

Look At the Stars

My former teacher used to say: "When tough times come, look at the sky. See how big this world is and remember how many people living in it, they all have problems too and some of the problems are much bigger than yours. Then pray and ask help from Allah".

*Yellow by Coldplay is playing*

Daydreaming All the Time

Well, most of you know how much I love Paramore, right? So imagine how crazy I become when a new music video by Paramore has released. Yesss!! They have released their new music video for my favorite song, DAYDREAMING. Let's watch:

Ain't it wonderful? The video is as beautiful as the song. That's why I love Paramore! They know exactly what their fans needed to listen and watch. At least for me. The video turns out better than what I expected. In case you're wondering what I've been dreaming of all day, all night, the video would tell you. 

I love all the shots; countryside scenery, a small town as trains pass through, and the band triumphantly rocking out onstage. It's about real life of someone who's counting down the days until they can get out on the road and see a different part of the world that they've been dreaming of themselves. I love it not only for the great work they've made, but also for the message they left. I may haven't experienced it yet, but I know that going to a concert is really expensive. You have to pay the ticket, flight, hotel room, train, cabs, etc. But in the end, it's all worth it. Not just seeing your favorite band, but it's sacrificing every single day by saving money and it's also a great experience with your friend by making a long trip and staying together. I think this video is a tribute to the fans. Thank you, Paramore. 

And for the record, I love how they got into an accidental detour to the band's dressing room, peeking through the door, Hayley saw them, smiled and waved. It's this part that I really really adore:

Ain't she pretty?! Oh I wish I was one of those girls. Someday. Someday I will be that girl who's marking the calendar, counting days, getting on flight, joining the crowd and screaming "Paramore!!".

It's my dream.

DAYDREAMING lyrics

Living in a city of sleepless people

Who all know the limits and won't go too far outside the lines

Cause they're' out of their minds.

I wanna get out and build my own home

On a street where reality is not much different from dreams I've had

A dream is all I have... 

Daydreaming, daydreaming all the time

Daydreaming, daydreaming into the night

And I'm alright

Creep past the hours like the shorter hand on the clock

Hanging on a wall of a schoolhouse somewhere

We wait for the bell

And we dream of somewhere else

Daydreaming, daydreaming all the time

Daydreaming, daydreaming into the night

And I'm alright

Not that I won't remember where I'm from

Just don't wanna be here no more

It's not enough

(We're only half alive)

I'm gonna go

(We're only half alive)

Where the rest of the dreamers go

Where the dreamers go

Daydreaming, daydreaming all the time

Daydreaming, daydreaming into the night

And I'm alright

Daydreaming, daydreaming all the time

Daydreamer, we used to be half alive

Now I'm alright

Numbered Days

I've always been aware of death. Not preoccupied, scared, or fearful of, but aware. Or maybe, just cognizant of life itself. And not just life in general, but my one chance to get it right. Sure, I'll make mistakes. That's not the point. I'm aware of the fact and remind myself on a daily basis that my time here is limited. So from now until then is all I have. Because of this ever present awareness of death, I recently decided that now's the time to make sure I'm living this one life. I found myself asking, how do you want to spend your limited number of days, and my answer has consistently been, doing something meaningful, especially as required in Islam.  

We only live once, which means we have to do and be all that we're created to be. On a daily basis, we have to work to become. I personally never fulfill my new year's resolutions so instead, I'm committing myself to a year full of meaningful days. A meaningful day can truly be anything, but for me, that means taking small steps on a daily basis to change the world. Cliche? Yes. Impossible? No.

I want some meanings behind the things I buy, the places I give my money to. Where I go, what I do for fun. How I treat people. How I leave the world behind. I want to make something good even after I'm gone, not to be remembered, but at least to do the right thing for people, to make them stay alive and be better. Signing up as an organ donor, for example. While I'm aware of the possibility of death, what I really mean is that I'm making a conscious effort to be alive.

Struggling and Loved

The fact that you're struggling doesn't make you a burden. It doesn't make you unloveable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn't make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren't always easy to be around, and that's okay. No one is easy to be around 100% of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren't all of who you are and they certainly don't discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness.