A Spoonful of Sentiment

It's tough for a non-movie review blog to write a movie review. But I love movies and I'll take any good excuse I can to actually get out of the house and get immersed in a film. And Saving Mr Banks saved me. 

Here's a quick synopsis for those who haven't heard of the film: 

Walt Disney spent years pursuing the rights to create a movie based on the book, Mary Poppins by P. L. Travers. He's persistent in wanting to make the movie not only because he loved the story but because he wanted to fulfill a promise he made to his daughters. Mrs. Travers reluctantly agreed to work with Disney's team on the film but refused to sign away the rights during pre-production. Long story short, she eventually signed away the rights and the film's made. 

But you knew that. Because most of us grew up with Mary Poppins as part of our childhood. We know the film, we know the songs, and we all loved Mary Poppins. Saving Mr. Banks doesn’t just take you behind the scenes as to how Walt Disney and P. L. Travers eventually struck a chord. This movie takes you into the childhood of Mrs. Travers and deep into her head where we really understand why this fictional character, Mary Poppins, is such an important and protected part of her life.

Let me state what I think is obvious. If you haven't ever seen Mary Poppins, you've got some homework to do. You need to watch it and then go see it. If you don't, you'll miss a lot of the subtle humor and inside jokes. And you'll be able to follow the story line but you won't really get it. If you've seen Mary Poppins and didn't love it, this movie might not be for you. And finally, if you've seen Mary Poppins but it's been so many years that you can't really remember if you liked it or not, go see this movie. You've probably forgotten that you loved it as a kid and this film will remind you. (Side note: This is NOT a movie to take your kids to. They'll simply be bored. It's an adult movie. Enjoy a night out.)

Well, I really loved it. It's because it was a movie that stayed with me. When I see a good movie, it usually has to sit with me for a day before I can really coherently come up with what I thought of it. That's a good sign because it means it got the wheels turning in my head. The next day, I was singing the songs from the film and just replaying some of the scenes in my mind and mostly just marveling over the amazing cast. Emma Thompson as P. L. Travers, a middle-aged Australian born English writer of children's books. She wasn't pleasant and yet we're sympathetic and amused. And I love love Emma for facing the big screen with that awful 1960s hair. Oh she deserves Oscars. Tom Hanks as Walt Disney, the American icon who has never been portrayed on screen before. So Tom Hanks as Walt Disney? OF COURSE!

The biggest thrill for me in this film was feeling like I got a glimpse into the life of Walt Disney; who he was, what he was like to work with, and how he fought for what he believed in. In a beautiful but entirely fictional scene, Disney tells Travers about his own difficult childhood:

I love my life - it's a miracle.  And I loved my daddy, boy, I loved him. But, there isn't a day goes by where I don't think of that little boy in the snow and old Elias with his fist and strap, and I'm just so tired - I'm tired of remembering it that way. Aren't you tired Mrs. Travers? We all have our tales but don't you want to find a way to finish the story? Let it all go and have a life that isn't dictated by a past?

Although Travers has created a magical world of imagination, it represents gritty reality to her. Mary Poppins shows the children hard truths, and fiction that reveals painful truths is important. But Disney sees another role for fiction, that we can use fiction to write the endings that we wish our stories had, and thus heal our griefs. I like Disney's idea.

There are many reasons why people love romance as a genre, and there are many reasons why I love it. One of my favorite things about romance is the promise that things will be okay. In real life, even though my life's one of great happiness, I worry all the time, about everything from asteroids (collisions!) to turtles (endangered!). Above all I worry about people who are suffering who I can't save, and I grieve for people who I've lost. So you can imagine my tearful response when, at the premiere of Mary Poppins, when Travers weeps because Mr. Banks has been fired, Disney leans over to her and whispers, "It's all right, Mrs. Travers. It's alright. Mr. Banks is going to be all right. I promise."

First of all, in terms of the movie itself, it's a powerful moment, because P.L. Travers' father, the model for Mr. Banks, wasn't alright. Not even her own Mary Poppins, a seemingly invincible aunt, could save him. And although in real life Travers was never happy with the film, this scene in Saving Mr. Banks is cathartic for the character and for the audience. From the standpoint of someone like me who likes romance, this moment was touching and affirming. We all know that things in life can be hard. Even happy endings have tough parts. But when you pick up a romance book, it says, "It's alright, I promise."  And that's not trite or delusional. It's powerful and healing and freeing. It's a way of nurturing hope and it gives us something good to imagine and to aspire to.

We need stories that reveal the hardships we've faced historically and that we continue to face today. We need to be able to clearly see our past and our present. But we also need hope and optimism. If all stories end in doom, then we start to feel doomed. What I hadn't thought of before Saving Mr. Banks is that in writing happy endings we can also rewrite our own stories. What Disney's saying to Travers is that we can use fiction not only to reveal our reality but to shape it. There are a lot of things going on in this movie but for me, that aspect's the most interesting, and that aspect's why I think some of you would enjoy the film so much. That, and the fact that Emma Thompson plays the smartest, and bitchiest, smart bitch of all time! Oh please just give her that Oscars!

For the record, there are some interesting controversies surrounding the film. See, in the movie, Emma Thompson weeps with joy because she loves the film version of Mary Poppins so very much and the magic of Disney has healed her emotional wounds. But actually, in real life, P.L. Travers wept at the premier because she hated it. She liked the money, and she got a heap of it, but she still hated the movie. Lol.

Invictus: Tribute to Mandela

The comic is a tribute to Nelson Mandela and it's his favorite poem by William Ernest Henley, called Invictus. So, about the comic, the photograph he's looking at is of himself with his eldest son, Madiba Thembekile, who's killed in a car crash. Mandela wasn't allowed to attend the funeral or even find out information about the accident. Over the years, because of the way Mandela carried himself, he gained respect and friendship of some of his guards. Not only did Mandela endure 27 years of imprisonment with dignity, determination and strength, but he also chose to forgive the people who wronged him. That, in my opinion, is his most impressive accomplishment. RIP Nelson Mandela.

Sciences Sing a Lullaby

Physics says: go to sleep. Of course you're tired. Every atom in you has been dancing the shimmy in silver shoes nonstop from mitosis to now. Quit tapping your feet. They'll dance inside themselves without you. Go to sleep.

Geology says: it will be all right. Slowly inch by inch your country is giving itself to the ocean. Go to sleep. Let darkness lap at your sides. Give darkness an inch. You aren't alone. All of the continents used to be one body. You aren't alone. Go to sleep.

Astronomy says: the sun will rise tomorrow.

Zoology says: on rainbow-fish and lithe gazelle.

Psychology says: but first it has to be night, so..

Biology says: the body-clocks are stopped all over town and..

History says: here are the blankets, layer on layer, down and down.

- Albert Goldbarth

Warrior Blood in my Veins

The 7-day tahlil ceremony for my late grandma (may her soul rest in peace) has came to end last wednesday. It all went well, alhamdulillah. I was glad that Ifo and The Baks came on one of the nights because honestly, I was me again when they're around. It's not that I ain't happy with my family..I don't know how to describe this, but when you and your family are gathering and you know there's a void, deep in your heart wishing someone were there too, then forcing smile or laugh to cover the emptiness, you know. 

Anyway, during the ceremony, there was grandma's uncle that we called him Nek Tamin, 95 years old. He came bringing something valuable for our family; full hierarchy and written story about our ancestors. Surprisingly, after 23 years of living, only now that I've found out who's my great great great grandparents. Nek Tamin's father, which is also grandma's mother's father, was named Awang Besar, who used to be one of the workers that built the train railroads Papar to Tenom. Awang Besar was raised by his adopted family as her mother died when he's a baby and her father went to war, but the real purpose was to hide him from British people. So who were the father and mother of Awang Besar? Believe it or not, they're Datu Paduka Mat Salleh and Dang Bandang. 

Yes, this is not a joke, I'm seriously talking about Mat Salleh, the Sabahan warrior who gained his fame due to his resistance to the British colonials in Sabah. Mat Salleh's my great great great grandfather. I didn't know it until 5 days ago. I'm not sure if late grandma knew it too because she never told us any of it. I think this is another miracle that she left. It's not something to be bragged about, but I was really really surprised. I hated History subject in school, I might even had fallen asleep when the teacher taught us about Mat Salleh, who apparently happens to be one of my ancestors. 

Truth be told, Mat Salleh didn't killed in the battle in 1900. He found shelter somewhere at Indonesia and lived there for 38 years before coming back to Sabah with a new identity, Hj Abdul Salam. That's also when his son, Awang Besar, drew his last breath. This story's told by Nek Tamin who has witnessed everything. I know that according to our History textbook, the story goes different way. Now it's up to you whether to believe the textbook version or the 95-year-old Nek Tamin version. Allah knows best. But it doesn't matter now to me because bygone is bygone. What matters is I know my roots, my ancestors, my family. In a way, knowing that warrior blood runs through my veins is cool. :p

Love will Come Eventually

Remember I posted this: We all Start as Strangers? I mentioned about heartbreak there. So let's talk about it. Well, I'd rather slay dragons on any day than have to deal with heartbreak. Heartbreak is the pits. And I've had some trepidation about whether or not to blog about my old heartaches. Because one weird thing about blogs, it's all archived. So even whenever you try and move along, you catch yourself peeking back at those moments. Being brave is something you admire in others and long to be yourself. But it's not that I ain't moving on, of course I've moved on. I'm happier now. This is just a little sharing that might be useful for some of you.

  

So here it goes, young loves.

Long before I met my true love, I dated someone else. He was decent and kind and we had a blast together. I came to really care about him. I loved our times together and I simply adored his family. Honestly, I still respect his family. But then it happens. You know, you drift apart and you realize your lives are headed in remarkably different directions. As much as it breaks your heart and makes you dizzy all at once, you try and accept it's for the best.

But then again, holy guacamole, I had some rough days trying to believe it's for the best. Breakups are flipping weird, ya'll. You go from being best friends with a person to absolutely never speaking again. How does that even make sense? I guess it doesn't. But who ever said love made sense? And in my case, it wasn't even love after all. I must say that as much as it hurt, it was kind of a fresh start, of sorts. 

To my surprise, I got into a new groove. I came out from under my duvet to find the same beautiful world that had always been there, with or without boyfriend. I began to grow and learn so much about myself. And eventually, I met Ifo. :) 

And up until now I learn to accept some things:

• when someone shows you who they are, believe them the 1st time.
• your friends see through a lot of crap.
• don't become a doormat. People love a good doormat.
• respect (yourself, others, just as much as others should respect you).
• you can still care about him at times, but as the ever so wise Elizabeth Gilbert put it, "so miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it." 
• love will come, but don't rush it.
• because it's on its way, waiting to arrive at the most perfect of times.
• just because you broke up, it doesn't make the happiness you had with the person any less real. That happiness was so real.
• never allow your heart to refuse love. Love helps you heal and somebody loves you. Allah loves you. 

Dear Cory

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and always will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come. 



When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this on searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understand, we've been forced to say goodbye.

 

I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, I know we will see each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before.

— Nicholas Sparks

The beautiful words above are taken from The Notebook novel by Nicholas Sparks. I've always loved it. When I read it back, my mind somehow drifts to Cory Monteith. All Gleeks were mourning him and crying so hard, I guess we still are, well at least I still am. My excitement for Glee 5 has all gone because it doesn't feel right to be excited for it anymore. Watching Finn Hudson on tv and knowing that he's dead would be a devastation. It won't be the same.

Dear Cory, I'll probably never meet you and never be able to thank you for the moments that you made us happy even if you don’t know it. Of course I never will. The love of a fan is funny, you know. When you think you could not love so intensely someone that you barely know, sometimes life just sweep you off your feet and you find yourself loving them more. Thank you for the smiles you put on our face. Thank you for soothing us with your amazing voice. For all the friends I've made around the world. There once was a tall, awkward Canadian with a crooked smile that came in this world with the mission of bringing happiness to the people that surround him. 

Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone. I miss you, Cory. 

be strong, Lea

On Kindness

Roger Ebert (1942-2013) was the world’s most respected movie review guy and blogger. He's diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2002 and underwent several surgeries which left him without a lower jaw or the ability to speak. He found solace on the internet, where he applied his writing skills to the world of blogging. And the quote above was taken from Ebert’s autobiography which is being turned into a documentary.

In Your Heart or On Its Way

A week ago, my childhood friend got married. It was a beautiful, dreamy wedding in ballroom hall. 

I love weddings. Absolutely, positively love them. Whether it's a dear friend's wedding or someone I've never even met, my heart swells watching 2 people celebrate their never-ending love for one another. And when my friends marry the love of their lives, holy moly, my heart nearly jumps right out of my chest with happiness. And I can't help but wonder, how on earth will I keep my heart from exploding with love the day I marry the love of my life? Do they have vitamins to prevent that? :p LOL.

Well, other than the wedding, I was really happy to finally meet my old friends after 14 years. 

Many many years ago, we lived in Tawau and there's a nice family living next door. Their kids became my playmates and the bestest friends during my childhood. But in 1999, my parents decided to move permanently to Papar as they got new workplaces in KK. We're so young..no numbers or emails to be exchanged, no facebook yet..and we probably won't see each other again. That's 14 years ago. 

We did see each other again. However, things were different. Of course. We're the same persons, but we're not the same kids anymore. Never thought that separation turns best friends into strangers. Yet, I'm very happy that one of them have married now. And I'm glad that they've became a part of my sweet memories that I'll never forget.

And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on its way.

Memories on A Shelf

I was cleaning my bedroom the other day. I de-dustified and de-moldified (do these words exist?) every corner of the room. Certainly, part of my spring cleaning was devoted to my bookshelves. I took out all the books, cleaned the shelf, wiped off the dust, rearranged in alphabetical order by author, and put books that were kept in stacks on the floor back onto the bookshelf. I never even considered getting rid of my books.

In most areas of my life, I adhere to the idea that less is more. But when it comes to books, more means more. I love seeing a bookshelf overflowing with stories. There's a few that were given by people on my birthdays, as souvenirs and by swapping. And there's also some old Reader's Digest mags, mags that I grabbed from airplane, and reference books that I was unable to sell. Maybe it's time to let go of those. I've gotten rid of books before, but it's always with a bit of sadness and paralyzing thought like, "what if I need it?”. You see, it's the what-ifs thingy again. :p

While I was spring cleaning the shelves, I found my old notebooks from matriculation college and 1st year of degree.

books of memories :)

 I used to write lecture notes on them, which I barely read. And there are some poems and random words in middle pages that I can't even remember writing. What was I? Cold-hearted emo girl? :p And then on the other pages, some kind of drawings are nicely embedded next to the notes. I must be really bored during lecture, but how did I become so creative? Lol. 

being Picasso during lecture :p

I got a little pang of nostalgia when I read some notes that my friends wrote on a farewell night back when we're in matriculation college. Gosh, it's been 4 years we don't meet each other. Those are one of the best memories. ^^

some of the notes from my friend. I miss them so much..

And....a sweet graffiti that Ifo left in my notebook. I think it's 3 years ago. I can't believe that I almost forgot having this one. Heeeee....

I love you too 

2012 In a Nutshell

12 months ago I said "hello, please be nice" to the year of 2012, and just like a blink of the eye, it's time to say "goodbye and thanks for the memories". Well, the last 365 days of my life had been awesome. A lot has changed and alhamdulillah, I've found balance in many terms of life. Here's a brief recap and highlight of the best things that ever happened to me in 2012. ^^

Career

As a matter of fact, I don't have any official careers yet. But I did experience it during 6 months (March-August) of paid internship at Desa Hatchery. It's not my dream job at all, and to walk in a pool of chicken blood wasn't so cool. But I took those as challenges and I had so much fun working there. 

Family and friends

I had a lot of family events this year. Aidilfitri, birthday celebrations and holiday trips were the best ever. What I love about my family, especially my siblings, is they love to make many plans for us to have fun. My eldest brother and 2 sisters are married and have their own families, so we won't let the different lives grow us apart. Going for trips and having big lunch/dinner as weekend treats have been the perfect ways to get together. At the same time, I've made a wide circle of friends within the year and bonding with them has created the sweetest memories. I was glad to break the walls and build bridges again. :)

Social 

I went to a prom night of faculty with my friends from the whole batch which was the last prom we attended together. And not to forget that I also attended The Awesome Bloggers Gathering 2012 where I got to meet bloggers that I've known throughout my blogging experience. :)

Finance

I don't really have a stable financial position but I'm still feeling grateful to receive scholarship from the state government and I no longer totally depend on my parents. What I want to highlight is that I managed to get a new smart phone in midyear and a new laptop last month, both with my own savings. :)

Study

It's already my final year of study and it's been really tough. Juggling between assignments, exams and final year projects are not easy especially for someone who can't multitask like me. But there's always joy in hardship. :)

Personal 

I made a big change on myself this year. I thank God for giving me chance and leading my heart to be better. It may be tiny or insignificant to others, but being someone who wears hijab permanently is a turning point of my life. I've came to realize that wearing hijab is more than covering ourselves physically. It's also an act of being modest, portraying a believer of Islam, and all of those come with intention to please Allah. :)

Love life

As I've announced several days ago, 2012 marked the 4th year of relationship of me and Ifo. Even 4 years, he never fails to amaze me. I wish our love will remain until forever. I wish in future, he's the one that would lead prayer in front of me. :)

Goodbye 2012 and thanks for the memories. ^^

Legen..wait for it..dary!

Got it from Tumblr and I find it really interesting. :p

The Lucky Ones

Setia Selamanya

Last night was truly amazing. I did mention about this on my previous post.  So they made it last night on Gema Cipta 2012. Although they didn't get crowned as the overall winner, but Ifo won the Best Lyric Award for his song Setia Selamanya. Congrats, Ifo! And standing ovation for our friend, Rizal, for the great performances. Well done, guys!! ^^

It's quiet hard to believe though at first that Ifo didn't win the overall champion, because Setia Selamanya is such a great, beautiful song. Most of the other contestants came out with English songs which sounded typical, and for us, Setia Selamanya was the only Malay song that stood out that night. But juries went the other way round, they preferred English and jazzy songs, just like last year. 

It doesn't matter, anyway. Best Lyric Award has made everything worth it already. I'm proud of Ifo, not just because I love him, but also for the wonderful song and his pure creativity. ^^

glorious victory :)

from left: Icco (music arranger), Ifo (composer), and Rizal (singer/vocal)

^^

So here's the song that wins one of the awards on Gema Cipta 2012, embedded with the beautiful lyrics. Enjoy, everyone. Thanks for your support and I love you!!

Saat diriku mencari apa itu cinta?

Pada Esa ku doa, tetapkan aku untuknya

Muncul kau di depan mata membuat ku terkelu

Membayangi wajahmu seri di fikiranku

Jangan kau berikan tanda tanya

Yang membuatku gelisah selalu

Chorus:

Kekasihku hanya dirimu yang ku tunggu

Walau beribu batu jauh akan ku tempuhi

Kerna kau tahu yang aku selalu cinta

Selamanya kau dan aku kan bersama

Mengharungi segala dusta dan fitnah

Derita bahagia

Kerna setia ku hanya pada kamu

Sejak ku merasa cinta mu yang suci ini

Ku tak bersedih lagi, teguh berdiri disini

Walau apa yang terjadi, ku tak pernah lari

Kotakan setiap janji, selalu ada disisi

Takkan ku ucapkan kata pisah

Yang membuatmu merindukan aku

(Chorus)

Cinta itu hanyalah

Perkataan yang diucapkan

Namun hati yang ikhlas takkan pudar

Disemai dan diingati

Kamu lah yang ku sayang

Kau lah yang ku berikan

Keikhlasan hati yang kekal selamanya