Grow a Thicker Skin

Something I've been thinking about lately is toughness. Being tough, being strong, being resilient, being scrappy, being brave, being stubborn, being unfazed and unrattled and unshakable and relentless. Being confident. All of these these things are synonyms in places, overlapping like a weird venn diagram of words and emotions and feelings. These are all good things to be and to have, and work as assets no matter who you are or what you do. Everyone's faced with criticism and critique, and everyone has to rise again from setbacks. That's how life works. It ebbs and flows.

But of all these tools in the spectrum of human emotion that help get you from valleys to peaks and back again, I don't want to have a thick skin. I don't want things to bounce off of me. I want to feel. Even if the feeling sucks. But the feeling's a reminder that I'm human. 

In some ways, thinking you're not human, that you're superhuman, and maybe even invincible, is helpful. It's the adrenaline that pushes you through something scary and challenging, and makes you think you're stronger than you are. Fire isn't as scary if you don't feel the flame. And whether you work or even just spend part of your life in a digital space, you learn pretty quickly to let things bounce off you. We're told to know better than to read the comments. People send nasty messages to complete strangers, either forgetting or ignoring the fact that there's another person and not just an anonymous computer screen on the other side of those words. It seems like the news is reporting on another atrocity every single day. Life would, in theory, be so much easier if you felt and reacted less.

But I don't think that's the way to go about it. Often, telling someone else to grow a thicker skin is to excuse the actions of everyone around them. "People are awful, don't let them get to you." But of course awfulness is going to get to a person. Of course it'll bug someone. That's human nature. You can't tell a person to not feel, just because it keeps the status quo intact.

And okay, sometimes people can be hypersensitive about some things, but they have the right to feel any which way they choose. You can't tell them that a feeling is wrong. And excusing the actions of other people, that oh, people are just overwhelmingly shitty, grow a thicker skin, move on, is to excuse that shittiness and let it keep happening. Sure, you can only control your own actions and not the actions of other people, but your actions can also include taking other people to task when their actions are bad. You don't have to ignore, and you don't have to roll over, and you don't have to simply accept things as they are. You don't have to grow a thicker skin. 

You can and should be resilient. You should stand your ground as much as you can, and especially when it's for things that are right. But don't grow a thicker skin. Don't teach yourself how to not feel. Let things affect you. Let things get under your skin and crawl up your veins and sit uncomfortably with you until you do something about them. Call people out when they say mean things to you. Stand up for yourself, and for anyone else you see being bullied or put down. 

We may mostly be grown ups, but we're still not so far from the playground. And sometimes on the playground, you'd skin your knee and it'd sting and you'd get gravel and grit in your scrape, and it'd hurt, but you'd remember that sting and you'd learn. Sometimes it's your own damn fault. But sometimes it wasn't. Just because somebody else pushed you over didn't make that sting hurt any less. And sometimes, those scrapes left scars. Sometimes, those moments of vulnerability lead to lessons and breakthroughs. Those moments of weakness often tell us who we really are.

Be strong and confident and believe in yourself and know when people say things, sometimes they say wrong things just to get to you. By all means, be stubborn and be smart about the fact that the internet is often dumb and people on the internet say dumb things and it's often smart to ignore these things. But having that wisdom is different than having a thick skin. Don't confuse the two, whatever you do. Don't grow a thick skin, or at least keep parts of it vulnerable. Feel. Be human. Be imperfect. Be alive.

Why the Sky is Blue

"Do you know why the sky is blue?"
"Because the sky reflects the color of the sea,"
He laughed and said, "When the sunlight enters atmosphere, it works like prism, the lights are scattered in colors. But the blue light is scattered more than the others, and that's why see a blue sky."

He's been busy lately, with work and struggle to get promoted. And I also have been busy hunting for jobs, it's like a never ending activity since I started last month. I've been shooting so many arrows but none of them have landed on the moon yet, not even stars. It's quite a tough time for both of us, but we manage to create our own happiness by phone calls at night, talking about stuff, forgetting the problems and just embracing the moment. That's why we need each other. I love it when he tells me stuff. Science, animals, politics, religion, everything. Then I find myself browsing through the news and articles on NatGeo page. Call me a nerd, because it's what I really am. I love books so much but there's a time when I feel like reading non-fictions like the articles on NatGeo. You should read them too. It's incredible and amazing to learn something new, and important too. It's another way to remind myself that my problems are so insignificant compared to God's gifts. Knowledge is power, knowledge is sexy they said. Well, even though I can just ask Google, most times I prefer to ask my fiance because he's my living Wiki and it becomes my habit to bring the "geek" out of him. I wish someday he would tell our son or daughter why the sky is blue. :)

Doubt It

It's amazing how quickly doubt can settle in. It's like a question mark at the end of a statement, an uncertainty about what you thought you once knew. A tilt of the head or the raise of an eyebrow. It's a whisper that makes you wonder if you really knew after all. And it can be a series of dominoes that start to fall down if you let it.

While I've never really had a low self-esteem, I continue to observe situations in which my self-confidence begins to waver. In my ability to complete tasks, accomplish goals, and make decisions. I can feel when it starts to come and I can see what happens when I start to listen, when I start to believe it. The stumbling over words, the second guessing, and insecurities. the questions I begin to ask myself; can I pass this test? Can I accomplish this goal? Am I capable of more? Is this good enough? What if I fail?

The self-doubt leads me to fall. It opens up the door for excuses to slip in, it welcomes discomfort and feelings of uneasiness. it's that little whisper that tries to tell you that you'll never make it, so that you give up before you ever do. And part of self-doubt comes from a comparison of yourself to others, of feeling like you don't measure up to others' strengths. Self-doubt convinces you that you won't get to where the others have already gotten. And maybe it's that little voice that tells you that what you do, who you are, or what you're working towards is not enough. And when you start comparing yourself to other people you might start to notice that you begin putting them down, that you begin basing your accomplishments off of other people's lack of success. Comparing yourself to others seems to  imply that someone's going to be better and someone's going to be worse. But really, we're just different. That's all. 

So what do you do when you feel like you're not enough? That you can't succeed? That someone's better, stronger, smarter, nicer, more talented, and capable than you?

You persevere.

And in persevering, you acquire the right perspective. You change your thinking from the "I will never get there" to an "I'm on my way." And through this perspective shift, you remember what you do have, what you're capable of, and where you're going. Part of this perspective is about remembering that you have enough, you do enough and you're enough. Perspective is about a willingness to see the situation from a different point of view; it's about changing your attitude and strengthening your resolve. I've also learned that perspective is about gratitude, about feeling grateful for your individual abilities and experiences and for honoring how other people got to where they're at. And perspective is a reminder that there are other ways to look at the situation, other feelings to feel, other beliefs to believe, and other movements to make. (Thanks to Ifo for teaching me the art of perspective ^^)

And when you hear that self-doubt, perseverance is about trying to understand where it's coming from and what is it saying. And to persevere, you plan. You develop a plan to overcome it. And while you may have great intentions to persevere, it may be hard to do so when you haven't considered how you will. Write down the steps. List out your personal challenges. Address the ways you'll get over road blocks, detours, and bumps in the road. And if your self-doubt is telling you that you'll never reach your physical goals, you write out your health plan. You list out all of the assignments to complete before you graduate from college. You record all of the bills left to pay before you're debt free. You plan and then pursue with consistent dedication. And to persevere, you must decide to work harder than your self-doubt is telling you not to.  

In times of self-doubt and in times of perseverance, you surround yourself with people who believe in you and who believe in themselves. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to grow, who push you to succeed, and who hope that you'll get there. You've probably heard that you become similar to the people you spend the most time with. Spend time with people that you want to be like. 

Self doubt? Doubt it.

Emma Watson on Feminism

This is the full transcript of Emma Watson's speech at the launch of the HeForShe campaign in New York City:

Today we are launching a campaign called for HeForShe. I am reaching out to you because we need your help. We want to end gender inequality, and to do this, we need everyone involved. This is the first campaign of its kind at the UN. We want to try to mobilize as many men and boys as possible to be advocates for change. And, we don’t just want to talk about it. We want to try and make sure that it’s tangible.

I was appointed as Goodwill Ambassador for UN Women six months ago. And, the more I spoke about feminism, the more I realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop.

For the record, feminism by definition is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes.

I started questioning gender-based assumptions a long time ago. When I was 8, I was confused for being called bossy because I wanted to direct the plays that we would put on for our parents, but the boys were not. When at 14, I started to be sexualized by certain elements of the media. When at 15, my girlfriends started dropping out of sports teams because they didn’t want to appear muscly. When at 18, my male friends were unable to express their feelings.

I decided that I was a feminist, and this seemed uncomplicated to me. But my recent research has shown me that feminism has become an unpopular word. Women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Apparently, I’m among the ranks of women whose expressions are seen as too strong, too aggressive, isolating, and anti-men. Unattractive, even.

Why has the word become such an uncomfortable one? I am from Britain, and I think it is right I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should be able to make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decisions that will affect my life. I think it is right that socially, I am afforded the same respect as men.

But sadly, I can say that there is no one country in the world where all women can expect to see these rights. No country in the world can yet say that they achieved gender equality. These rights, I consider to be human rights, but I am one of the lucky ones.

My life is a sheer privilege because my parents didn’t love me less because I was born a daughter. My school did not limit me because I was a girl. My mentors didn't assume that I would go less far because I might give birth to a child one day. These influences were the gender equality ambassadors that made me who I am today. They may not know it, but they are the inadvertent feminists that are changing the world today. We need more of those.

And if you still hate the word, it is not the word that is important. It’s the idea and the ambition behind it, because not all women have received the same rights I have. In fact, statistically, very few have.

In 1997, Hillary Clinton made a famous speech in Beijing about women’s rights. Sadly, many of the things that she wanted to change are still true today. But what stood out for me the most was that less than thirty percent of the audience were male. How can we effect change in the world when only half of it is invited or feel welcome to participate in the conversation?

Men, I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too. Because to date, I’ve seen my father’s role as a parent being valued less by society, despite my need of his presence as a child, as much as my mother’s. I’ve seen young men suffering from mental illness, unable to ask for help for fear it would make them less of a man. In fact, in the UK, suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 to 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. I’ve seen men made fragile and insecure by a distorted sense of what constitutes male success. Men don’t have the benefits of equality, either.

We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes, but I can see that they are, and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not, and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be freer, and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.

I want men to take up this mantle so that their daughters, sisters, and mothers can be free from prejudice, but also so that their sons have permission to be vulnerable and human too, reclaim those parts of themselves they abandoned, and in doing so, be a more true and complete version of themselves.

You might be thinking, “Who is this Harry Potter girl, and what is she doing speaking at the UN?” And, it’s a really good question. I’ve been asking myself the same thing.

All I know is that I care about this problem, and I want to make it better. And, having seen what I’ve seen, and given the chance, I feel it is my responsibility to say something.

Statesman Edmund Burke said, “All that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for good men and women to do nothing.”

In my nervousness for this speech and in my moments of doubt, I told myself firmly, “If not me, who? If not now, when?” If you have similar doubts when opportunities are presented to you, I hope those words will be helpful. Because the reality is that if we do nothing, it will take seventy-five years, or for me to be nearly 100, before women can expect to be paid the same as men for the same work. 15.5 million girls will be married in the next 16 years as children. And at current rates, it won't be until 2086 before all rural African girls can have a secondary education.

If you believe in equality, you might be one of those inadvertent feminists that I spoke of earlier, and for this, I applaud you. We are struggling for a uniting word, but the good news is, we have a uniting movement. It is called HeForShe. I invite you to step forward, to be seen and to ask yourself, “If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Thank you very, very much.

So...what say you? 

What We Teach

There's a quote that says we teach others what we ourselves ought to be taught. I've been thinking about it for a while now, wondering what it is that I "teach" others. My conclusion? I'm always telling others to be kinder to themselves, to ease up, to practice patience, to be as compassionate toward themselves as they're toward the ones they love. Meanwhile, though, I berate myself for waking up late in the morning or leaving a pile of clothes in my bedroom or some other minor, trivial detail from the day. I'm curious.. What do you teach? Is it something you need to be taught?

Musings of a Math Teacher

Well, holiday is coming to an end, and I'll be going back to school as a math teacher. It's been a great holiday; I had a really great time with Ifo and my friends, watched an awesome movie (Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Seriously, you gotta watch it. It's brilliant!), rewarded myself with some fancy stuffs, etc. I also spent this holiday doing homework: checking math papers. I'm so glad I almost cry that most of my students pass the test, I mean, my effort paid off eventually. There's still a few students who don't get good scores, but it's not the end of the world though because I'm sure they can do better next time. So I showed it to my mom, the scores, as she's cooking dinner and she said what a great job I had done with them.

Truth is, even though I'm just a substitute teacher, but I get to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, just like other teachers. Each day, 90% of it is wonderful. I get to make a difference in kids' lives. I get to make them think about problems and ask questions. I get to encourage them and make them feel good about themselves. I get to challenge them and make them see others' points of view. For some, I get to be the person in their life who actually cares. I get to be one of the teachers who makes them change their opinion of math and to help them see how enjoyable it can be. Not every kid is going to be a math genius, but every kid should feel some kind of success every day in math class. That could range from being able to solve a two-step equation to simply being able to finally remember that three times four is twelve.

Then there's the other 10% of the day. This part of the pie-graph includes parents who don't believe me when I tell them that their kid misbehaved. It includes watching kids bully each other and knowing that sending the bullies to the principal is probably just going to make it worse. This part would include the kids who don't bring a pencil and a book to class because they honestly can't afford one. A fraction would be homework with just answers, and no work shown. A small percent would be dedicated to not having any time to actually create lessons during my planning time because I have a meeting about school activities. 

It has been a really nice break, but I'm beginning to actually picture the math that I taught my students flying out of their heads. Lol. I hope it's not true. 

Invictus: Tribute to Mandela

The comic is a tribute to Nelson Mandela and it's his favorite poem by William Ernest Henley, called Invictus. So, about the comic, the photograph he's looking at is of himself with his eldest son, Madiba Thembekile, who's killed in a car crash. Mandela wasn't allowed to attend the funeral or even find out information about the accident. Over the years, because of the way Mandela carried himself, he gained respect and friendship of some of his guards. Not only did Mandela endure 27 years of imprisonment with dignity, determination and strength, but he also chose to forgive the people who wronged him. That, in my opinion, is his most impressive accomplishment. RIP Nelson Mandela.

Absent in our Presence

I have no sense of direction. I'm really poor in geography. I'm consistently 100% wrong when it comes to navigating, I could make a tourist lost. If you ask me where north is, I’ll probably point south. And if we're supposed to turn left, I’ll convince you to turn right. Show me a paper map or teach me how to use compass, my brain wouldn't seem to grasp it. 

But I want to learn and I'm actually grateful for my cell phone because I can always find directions as there's a Map apps. Technology can be a beautiful thing, anyway. We have endless amounts of information at our fingertips. We can ask questions and get answers. Sometimes I think Google is the 8th wonder of the world. We don't have to miss someone as badly because we can watch them document their lives through pictures and videos. And we can inform ourselves on current events and world news.

And I also believe that technology can get in our way. With all of the information at our fingertips, how much are we reading? What are we learning? Are we trying to take it all in? We have less time reading real books, you see. I always ask myself how much time I've spent informing myself about what's going on in the world versus refreshing my social media sites. And lately when I see my cell phone, I see distraction. 

As much as technology adds to our lives, it also takes some away. Like when you're in a room full of  friends and the only people you are talking to are the ones that are not there. Or when you're at a live concert but only view it through the screen of your camera. You're absent in your presence. Technology can get in the way when you spend the whole night documenting what you're doing, instead of actually doing it. When you spend more time letting the world know who you're with rather than just simply being with them. And cell phones can get in the way when you're driving on the road and decide to check that text message. Refresh that news feed, take your eyes off the road, and risk your/other's life just to figure out what someone else is doing.

I plan to start a game that's about being present. It's about putting down your phone, spending time with the people you're with, ignoring that incessant pull to check social media and send out a million text messages, or just to touch random buttons on your phone, ignoring the need to let everyone know what you're doing, reducing your distractions, savoring every bite of your food, rather than seeing how many people 'liked' what you ate. And it's caring more about what you're doing rather than what your facebook friends are doing. The game's about being here in real life with the people you love. Let's play together.

It's time to put our cell phones down, turn them off. Sit and have conversations with friends without distraction. Spend time with your family and hear what they're actually saying. Go outside or stay inside and read a book. Read the newspaper or make some art. Learn a new hobby. I really wanna do things manually without using apps. It's time to start gathering up knowledge and be informed, rather than just opinionated. Stop letting all those little visual and audio notifications interrupt your day. Let's allow ourselves a moment to be where we are. I think we often get so busy trying to capture the moment that we forget to truly experience it. 

We are Leaves

I used to collect leaves and put them between pages of books. I do still love it, I'm just not collecting leaves anymore. You might see it as a hobby. Yes, but mostly, I like leaves because they're a lot like people. I'm not a leaf expert, but I know they're designed to maximize their exposure to light and arranged on a plant so as to not shade one another from the sun, to make sure they all grow. So kind. That's what those leaves are. Leaves are a product of their environment; the design and structure depend on the climate and external factors they're exposed to. Humans are the same.

We all thrive when we have enough exposure to light, whatever it is that your light may be. Much like leaves, when people are being their best selves, we allow room for one another to flourish. And we help each other to get there. We're products of our experiences, environments and challenges. And I believe wholeheartedly that we're doing our best, despite our present circumstances. We're weathered too. And that's what make all seasons of our lives so beautiful.

Leaves don't just fall. They're let go of by the tree, by gracefully drifting to the ground to help the tree survive. As they lay there decorating the earth's ground, they contribute their remaining nutrients to the soil. The leaves fall, land and change for a reason. So do we.

And so if you can look down at the ground and find beauty in the leaves that have fallen from their tree, can you do the same for people? When you see someone going through a difficult time or living their life in a way that's incomparable to yours, can you challenge yourself to place them in a different light? Before you make that harsh judgement, can you look them in the face and find their beauty? Can you appreciate their uniqueness? Can you remember how beautiful they once were and still are? Can you remember, that like leaves, seasons change for people too? And can you adjust your life accordingly so that they too can have some exposure to light?

Leaves have taught me that just because someone may not be high up on a tree, doesn't mean they're not adding brightness and value to the world. And at the end of your life, I'll wonder how gently you walked the earth.

Did you plant something that will grow? A seed of kindness? A smile on your face to light up someone else's? A vegetable garden? A whisper of hope? And did you grow your roots? Did you invest in something that will outnumber all of your days? Did you form loving bonds with your family members that can't be undone? And did you sit in silence on a cool, fall day and marvel at the wonder of the world? Did you appreciate its beauty? Did you offer thanks to God? 

Sciences Sing a Lullaby

Physics says: go to sleep. Of course you're tired. Every atom in you has been dancing the shimmy in silver shoes nonstop from mitosis to now. Quit tapping your feet. They'll dance inside themselves without you. Go to sleep.

Geology says: it will be all right. Slowly inch by inch your country is giving itself to the ocean. Go to sleep. Let darkness lap at your sides. Give darkness an inch. You aren't alone. All of the continents used to be one body. You aren't alone. Go to sleep.

Astronomy says: the sun will rise tomorrow.

Zoology says: on rainbow-fish and lithe gazelle.

Psychology says: but first it has to be night, so..

Biology says: the body-clocks are stopped all over town and..

History says: here are the blankets, layer on layer, down and down.

- Albert Goldbarth

The Times You'll Miss

As my time as a student has came to end, I can't help but reflect on the past 4 years while Vitamin C's Graduation plays in my mind. I'm not going to put you through that, but I'd like to share some words of advice for the juniors, wherever, whoever they are. I'm gonna go ahead and get the cliches out of the way first: College flies by. Get involved. Take advantage of the opportunities. Have fun. Study hard. Don't take those years for granted. Be safe. You'll someday look back on this time and miss it. You will. 

Now that those are out of the way (yet, so very true) I'm gonna add a few of my own what-I-wish-I-had-known-while-in-college lessons. 

1. The library has the best resources. Learn how to use them. Yep, I didn't know this until my last semester. They also have subscriptions to some of the raddest, most expensive websites and databases in the world. Explore your hobbies and interests now. You have the best resources to do so.

2. Have dinner with your dorm mates. They're gonna be the ones that you miss the most after your course mates. 

3. Talk to your lecturers. They're people like us too and (most) always there because they really do want to help you learn. And (most) are experts on extremely specific topics. And (most) wanna tell you about what they know. Make appointment, email/text them if you have questions. Know what's worth debating and what's not. 

4. Put down your phones and talk to people around you. After college, you're probably rarely, if ever, going to be around so many people in the same life stage/situation as you. Everyone's there trying to get a degree. We're all on the same playing field, help each other out. Meet people who are interested in your same hobbies. You may never again see people with the same interests on a daily basis. But don't stick to only groups that agree with what you think or like what you like. Explore different groups and make friends with all kinds of people. This is how you learn. 

5. I think this is probably the most important thing I wish I had known: take control of your course, don't let it control you. Choose something that you're really interested in as your major. Don't just follow what your friends choose or what you parents told you so. I wish I had taken different course. I should've been more open to the idea I'd maybe change my mind before deciding on a major. But it doesn't matter anymore. So get them done. Although you're not the smartest in class, be smart anyway. Don't fall into so much drama. Don't waste your time on people who lead you to bad things. 

6. Get off the laptop and go out with your dorm/course mates sometimes. Go to stadium and run. Have a tea time at cafeteria. Go to cinema. Facebook will be around 10 years down the road, but you won't be on campus forever.

I do miss campus more than words could ever express. This is a chapter I long to return to, but life doesn't work that way. All I can do is let those of you going into college or currently in its throws know that this is it. These are times you will miss. Be present. Cherish every single moment. :)

Abused Generation

Hope and Mental Illness

Mental illness is just one of those topics that remains a bit taboo though it's 2013 and it affects more people than we could possibly realize. From depression to hypochondria, there's so much we don't understand. Of course not. It's not as simple as a diagnosing a broken arm, nor is it as commonly curable as sore throat. We aren't even sure if mental health is curable.

That's the thing, there's just so much we don't know. But just because we don't know doesn't mean we can't try to understand and even sympathize. And for those of us who can, empathize. So when I see insightful articles being shared and passed around among the masses it makes me feel as though there's hope. Hope that the more it's talked about, the more awareness that's brought to the issues, the sooner we'll be able to more openly discuss these hardships, the sooner more therapies and cures will be found. 

So here's just something I'd love to share with you. 

On depression:
Adventures in Depression by Hyperbole and a Half

At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything - even the things you love, even fun things - and you're horribly bored and lonely, but since you've lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you're stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is. 

On Insomnia:
In Which We're Up All Night by Elizabeth Gumpert

A cure that leaves you groggy or hungover is no cure at all. The point of sleep, after all, is that it's supposed to restore energy, and hope. It makes you alert enough to do things, and optimistic enough to believe they're worth doing. If you wake up feeling otherwise, what's the use?

On Depression after weaning:
The 2 Hardest Months Of My Life by Joanna Goddard

One afternoon, while taking a walk along the Hudson River, I told my mom, who was visiting us, that I wished that Toby had a different mother. He deserved more, I thought. I felt like such a failure: I had always wanted to be a mother. I always had baby fever. I always looked forward to having children. But now that I had a sweet, curious, beautiful baby, I suddenly couldn't handle motherhood. I felt exhausted and inept. 

On Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD):
OCD: Clearly My Doctors Were Off Their Rockers by Anna Allen

At first I was relieved, and then I was mad. Mad that Barbara Walters had never even addressed the fact that this kind of OCD was real. And then I was even more pissed that I didn't have the hand washing compulsions, because then, at least, people could see what was going on in my mind, instead of seeing me act normal, while my mind was full of intrusive, terrifying thoughts.

And, please, if you feel hopeless, remember these things:

How To Take Care Of Yourself When You Feel Suicidal

Just because your life feels unbearable now doesn't mean that it'll feel this way forever. Try to remind yourself of all the times in the past when you felt miserable and hopeless and lost and how each time, the pain eventually passed and life worked itself out - maybe not in the way you imagined, but things got better nonetheless. Now is no exception. This pain you feel can and will pass. If you give up now though, you'll never discover that better place, so keep holding on. 

Hope is real, hope is near. You are so loved.

When tough times come, it is particularly important to offset them with much gentle softness. Be a pillow. - Vera Nazarian

2 in 1: Happy 50th and New Piece by Ifo

That's for my country. Happy 50th Malaysia Day! Well, despite that I'm not entirely independent (part of me still colonized, frankly speaking), I'm really proud of being Malaysian. 

Growing up, I feel so proud living in Malaysia. "Malaysia Truly Asiaaaaa....." the radio played. Gorgeous views, beautiful people, SALE, harmonious land where its people of different races, cultures and religion live side by side with each other; the TV showed me. It made me realize how amazing Malaysia is. The text books said so too and well, I see that in school too where kids regardless of race or their skin color, played with each other.

And then I grew up. I saw many awful things. So many racism happening, so many conflicts with the politics, how the government brainwashed us to think that we're perfect, we are ONE, and so on. We have one of the worst human rights issue, we don't recognize refugees and treated them badly, MORE RACISM, we have 1st class infrastructure but 3rd class mentality..the list goes on. 

But don't let me kill whatever love or hope you have towards Malaysia just yet, because despite all these flaws that we face, no countries, even its people, are perfect. Malaysia is not that bad after all. We can praise other countries for their development and crazy technology and kick ass government service, but at the end of the day, home's where the heart is. You can't reject something that you're born into just because it's not 100% perfect. I hate Malaysians who go around talking about Malaysia and praising other countries. Seriously. If you're not happy with Malaysia, migrate, change your nationality, live there, rot there and die there, and then you realize how it's not all perfect there too. It's the whole "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. What you see's not always true.

I love Malaysia. It's not perfect, yes, I have to agree, but it's home and that's the only place where you're treated warmly and with open hands. If you're in other country, who knows what kind of treatment you'd get because well, you're not one of their own. Having said that, it doesn't mean that we can just shut up and go about life as if nothing is wrong with our home. There's a lot of wrongs here and we need to fix it. We must do something to change the future of our nation. So come on, lighten up! Live life to the fullest and stop being such a killjoy! 

And by the way, I'd like to share some pieces by our local talents with you, lovelies. My man, Ifo, has composed 2 new songs entitled Luka and Aramaiti. The songs were sang by our dear friend Rizal and the music's amazingly arranged by Icco, and the whole thing is immensely supported by The Baks. They totally made it! You'll love it, I promise. Enjoy the songs!

LUKA

[Verse 1]

Semalaman ku berfikirkan tentang kita berdua

Ku anggap kau dan aku selalu saling merindu

Purnama takkan berkekalan selamanya

Kita juga begitu

Ku ingin kau tahu

Kau cuba melupa, ku cuba fahami semuanya

Adakah kita kan bahagia seperti dulu?

Segala memori indah kita bersama

Semua menjadi palsu

Ku ingin kau tahu

[Chorus]

Oh

Ku terluka, ku terluka

Melihat kau disana bersama dia

Ku taruhkan, ku taruhkan

Segala harapan kita yang telah kau hapuskan

[Verse 2]  

Ku menangis seorangan, kau gembira bersamanya

Tidak terlintas walau sesaat kau ingatkan ku

Dipukul ombak pilu ku kenang senyummu

Tapi bukan untukku

Apakah kau tahu

[Chorus]  

Ohh 

Apa yang ku lakukan

hanya untukmu sayang

Inikah yang ku trima?

Kau pergi tanpa kata

 Mungkin ini suratan

Ku redha ketentuan

Ku hanya ingin kau tahu sayang

[Chorus]

Ooooooh (3X)

Kau hapuskan

  

ARAMAITI

[VERSE 1]

Ku bangun ku terima mesej

Dari mu kata kau minta putus

Ku terus mandi buat tak peduli

Padahal hati sunggulah sedih

Kawanku datang kerumahku

Singgah pinjam baju

Bilangnya padaku

[CHORUS]

Jangan kau resah

Semua pasti okay

Lupakan semua duka

Kita bersama bergembira, Aramaiti!

Mari kita merasa

Muda selamanya

Selamanya!

[Verse 2] 

Ku ke tempat kerja

Bos terus marah marah

Semua pun tak kena

aku pun boleh gila

Kawanku datang kepejabatku

Singgah hantar baju

bilangnya padaku

[CHORUS]

Smart vs Wise

Let’s look at some differences between being smart and wise:

1. Logic versus emotion.

Smart people tend to process information in a logical way whereas wise people process the emotional, the spiritual and the subtle side of the logic as well.

2. Does wisdom only come with age?

Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you're too damned old to do anything about it. - Jimmy Connors. There's no doubt that a big part of wisdom does come with experience, but one of the most important formulas for gaining wisdom is to surround yourselves with people much wiser than yourself whom you trust to help you on your journey of gaining wisdom.

3. When to open your mouth and when not to.

Here's a humorous way of explaining the difference between intelligence and wisdom. Being smart is knowing your girlfriend/wife's hair style isn't as good as her last one. Being wise is knowing enough to keep your mouth shut. Gentlemen, this can help you tremendously.

Another explanation could be that a smart person is aware that a tomato is a fruit but a wise person knows not to put one in a fruit salad.

4. Know-it-all versus willing to learn and grow.

A wise person knows that they're not the smartest person out there, which makes them seek new information in order for them to learn and grow. We've all heard the saying "he is too smart for his own good," but I'm not sure how often you've heard "he is too wise for his own good."

5. Knowing versus doing.

There's a big difference between knowing things and knowing how to use what you know. Reading a book about how to start a business is a waste if you don't actually start a business. Reading a book about how to improve your health is a waste if you end up having a whole cheesecake by yourself that evening after finishing the book.

6. Employing knowledge versus employing judgment under pressure.

It's easier for a wise person to gain knowledge than for a smart person to gain judgment. The obvious difference is that being smart is a process of learning while being wise is a product of experience. Age has very little to do with this. A 17-year-old kid who grew up in a war-stricken environment has much better judgment when it comes down to how to react during war than someone who is 50 years old with no experience in war, even if that person has read every single book on war.

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Always Be Sexy

Apart from Paramore's amazing performance on Teen Choice Awards, this was the part that I thought meant anything real, as far as useful stuff for young people to take away from the show as a whole. It's awesome to see someone like Ashton Kutcher speaking to teenagers in a way that seemed genuine and loving and without coming off condescending. So this is what he said:

"I  believe that opportunity looks a lot like work. When I was 13 I had my first job with Dad carrying shingles to the roof, and then I got a job washing dishes at a restaurant, and then I got a job in a grocery store deli, and then I got a job in a factory sweeping Cheerio dust of the ground. And I never had a job in my life that I was better than. I was always just lucky to have a job. And every job I had was a stepping stone to my next job, and I never quit my job until I had my next job. And so opportunities look a lot like work.

The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful and being generous. Everything else is crap. I promise you. It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don't buy it. Be smart. Be thoughtful and be generous.

Steve Jobs said when you grow up you tend to get told that world is the way that it is. Everything around us that we call life was made up of people that are no smarter than you. And you can build your own things and you can build your own life that other people can live in. So build a life, don't live one, find your opportunities and always be sexy."

You are Enough

Stop comparing where you're at with where everyone else is. It doesn't move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique journey. A path that's right for someone else won't necessarily be a path that's right for you. And that's okay. Your journey isn't right or wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different. Your life isn't meant to look like anyone else’s because you aren't like anyone else. You're a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and needs. So stop comparing, and start living. You may not have ended up where you intended to go. But trust, for once, that you have ended up where you needed to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time. Trust that your life is enough. Trust that you are enough.

Lessons of a Lifetime

1. Never cancel lunch/dinner plans by text message.

2. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

3. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

4. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

5. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

6. Don’t dumb it down.

7. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

8. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

9. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

10. Never lie to your doctor.

11. All guns are loaded.

12. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

13. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

14. A handshake beats an autograph.

15. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

16. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

17. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

18. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

19. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

20. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

21. It’s never too late for an apology.

22. If you have the right of way, take it.

23. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

24. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

25. Never push someone off a dock.

26. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

27. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

28. Don’t make a scene.

29. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

30. Know when to ignore the camera.

31. Never gloat.

32. Invest in good luggage.

33. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

34. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

35. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

36. Give credit. Take blame.

37. Suck it up every now and again.

38. Don’t stare.

39. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

40. If you've made your point, stop talking.

41. Admit it when you’re wrong.

42. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

43. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

44. Thank the bus driver.

45. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

46. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

47. Know at least one good joke.

48. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

49. Know how to cook one good meal.

50. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

51. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

52. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

53. Always thank the host.

54. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

55. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

56. There is nothing wrong with a plain T-shirt.

57. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

58. Keep your word.

59. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

60. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.

61. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

62. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

63. You are what you do, not what you say.

64. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

65. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

66. Don’t litter.

67. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

68. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

69. Never call someone before 9 am or after 9 pm.

70. Make the little things count.

71. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

72. You’re never too old to need your mom.

73. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

74. Know the words to your national anthem.

75. Smile at strangers.

76. Make goals.

77. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

78. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

79. Guys, respect women. 

80. Family always comes first. 

Me Being a Teacher

I'm unofficially graduated. I barely have money and I need it so badly. So I signed up for a contract job at the district education office and guess what, I've got the job as a substitute teacher at a primary school, it's been 2 weeks already. So I teach English, Maths and Visual Arts for the pupils of Year 4 and 5. Yeah, I know, laugh all the way. Arts, huh? I can't even draw a tree properly. Lol. But surprisingly, I don't have to teach them how to draw or make DIYs, because they're really good at it. 

I once believed that I won't be a teacher because I can't teach people, I didn't know how to do it. But really, it's not that bad at all. Especially when they're much younger than you. Well, I have 11 nieces and nephews, so I don't really find it difficult in dealing with kids. So far I can keep the kids at school in check for the most part and I'm feeling confident in my ability to lead them. If I have to discipline a kid for bad behavior I don't even think twice. Modifying lesson plans also is not a problem. 

I think my strength has always been in being flexible and being able to adapt to whatever situations are thrown at me. This is helping me in the classroom. One of the perks of being a teacher is being exposed to the logic of young children. It's fascinating to watch them learn, think and talk, you know. Most children are so creative and imaginative and sometimes come up with the most profound or funny things to say. At the end of the day, this is what puts a smile on my face. I know I'm gonna miss them when the contract is over. I'm feeling good and that's all that matters to me now. I'm going to relish in this feeling that lately has been hard to come by. 

Write like Lewis

- C. S. Lewis