Looks May Fade, But Selfies are Forever

I've never been very big on compliments. I never quite learned how to take them, in part because I always thought that if you accepted a compliment, people would think you're conceited (and surprise, surprise: they do) and in part because it took a long time for me to believe these things. When people complimented how good I was at school, I shrugged it off because it was never like I tried. That's not a humblebrag, I promise. When they told me I was funny, I balked. And when they said I was pretty, I...well, I'm still working on that one.

It's not lost on me, then, that I work in a world that's very surface, What you wear, how you do your makeup, what your scarf looks like on any given day, how you can arrange your life to look just so on Instagram. And I've learned that sometimes, the bits of your life that you want to capture and share with the world are the moments where you feel your best. And a lot of the time, you can feel your best when you feel like you look your best. Also, why are we still so pegged on this idea that caring about how you look is inherently bad?

Sure, there are deeper things in this world to think about. There's atrocious poverty and war and people are constantly fighting for equal rights. But to capitalize on these things for what? The likes? For people to think that we're aware of what's going on in the world and that somehow makes us better than the people who aren't posting about it? If all you're doing is joining in on the social trend du jour, and you're not actually doing anything to change the world for the better, is that really less surface than an iPhone photo of somebody's eyebrows?

Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that learning to love yourself is a lifelong process. There are days when I wake up and I think I'm pretty (so you agree, you think you're pretty? Lol.) and then I'll wake up the next day and think I'm nothing special. And those are the days I'll put a little extra effort into my makeup, or choose my outfit a little more carefully, because I know I'm going to need the confidence boost to power through. But I'm not chronicling that for the compliments. I never want to be someone who exists online to be pretty. I want to empower. I want to show people that yeah, you can own how you look and what you do and that you shouldn't apologize for either. I want people to not only know that it's not a bad thing to have high self-esteem, but to believe it, and to have it themselves.

You deserve that. Really. And so I don't think I'll ever get "good" at accepting compliments online. I hate it when men try to slide into DMs or try to hit on me, because that's not what I'm here for. That's not the space I'm trying to occupy, and to be frank, that detracts from the message that you can be here for yourself. Not for anyone else to think you're pretty, but for you to think that you are pretty, and not to need validation from anyone else. 

Learning to say "thank you" wouldn't hurt, of course. But the next time you catch yourself judging someone's 5th selfie in a week, ask yourself when was the last time you complimented yourself. And then do it. Revel in yourself. Because you should. Because there's nothing wrong in that. And if someone has an issue with it, it's just too bad that they're too blind-sighted to revel in how awesome you are with you, too

Always Betting on You

As you might already know, Paramore has released a Selt-Titled Deluxe album recently and I'm truly psyched about it! I dropped by at Hayley's blog just now and read one of her entries. Well, as a fan, I sort of cried reading it..I don't know, it's like she wrote me a letter. Hahah. Here it is:

Hiiiiii….

Embarrassingly, it’s been a little while since the last time I did any sort of bloggin’ whatsoever. Now, I find myself near the very end of a long year having said nearly nothing about it! What a year it’s been for Paramore. Taylor and Jeremy and I are so thankful, so exhausted, and so satisfied. Thinking back on everything from The Self Titled Tour in OZ to launching “Ain’t It Fun” on one of the biggest pop stations in the country, to Parahoy and Monumentour… I just don’t know that there’s been another year in our career that has felt both this sentimental (like show #2 on the cruise) AND this triumphant (like having our first top 10 single at top 40 radio) all at the same time. It just keeps getting better, you guys.

2014 really changed me in a lot of ways. I guess it’s one reason I kept away from blogging and sharing as much as I usually feel inclined to. I grew up a lot and the process wasn’t really expected, nor was it always fun. Since the top of the year, I’ve gone through a “break-up”, a “make-up” (YAYWOOHOOO!), had a really promising hair-dye business opportunity completely fall through, got sick a TON of times on Monumentour and had to cancel shows, and just got plain tired. Well, we all did! Oh, I also got a dog (YAYWOOHOO!). The reason I’m saying all this is to show you that even when things look simple or wonderful on the surface, there’s always a battle to be fought. Don’t let it stop you from getting where you want to be. It’s not about where you think you should be, or even where you think you deserve to be. Where do you want to be? 

I’m so eternally 100% absolutely ridiculously grateful for people like you who have given my life, as well as Jeremy’s and Taylor’s, a major purpose. We are constantly learning along with you. Existing along with you. Singing along with you. But more than that we are always FOR you. This is so cheesy, omg… but you can’t water down the truth and when you do, it loses all its power.

I hope that, at the end of this year, you realize how the hard times made you. I hope for you that you allowed those times to make you better. I would bet that you’re better. 

You already know about this but, to bid 2014 goodbye, we’re leaving you with a re-release of our Self-Titled album. The re-release includes tracks from our favorite show on Monumentour, which took place at Red Rocks in Colorado. We didn’t originally intend to ever do anything with the recordings. It wasn’t planned. We just loved the show so much and felt it embodied the rawness and the fun that we had with you over the summer. The songs we chose to include from that show are mostly ones that weren’t on The Final Riot (save for “LTFB”, which we just HAD to have since we played that and “Part ll” back to back!). These recordings are un-touched and though they’re not perfect, we are psyched that we caught it on a recording because it was so special for us.

The re-release also has ALL 3 B-sides! Maybe you’ve already heard “Escape Route” and “Native Tongue” but there is noooo way you’ve ever had the pleasure of “Tell Me It’s Okay”. It’s such a cool song. I’m so happy we finally found a home for it. For whatever reason, at the time, it just didn’t fit the album. We never even finished recording it! This is the scratch demo that we recorded all in one take while Ilan was tracking drums at Sunset Sound. I later added some harmonies, Taylor threw an extra guitar bit here and there, and that’s pretty much it! The lyrics were always important to me and very true to that particular time in our band’s life. Maybe I’m giving too much away here but… it IS okay to be happy NOW. 

Lastly, there’s the duet I did with Joy Williams (formerly of The Civil Wars) on “Hate To See Your Heart Break”. We recorded our vocals (to the original track) in Santa Monica, CA about a week after the Monumentour ended. Joy has been a friend and a mentor of mine since I was just 12 years old. I met her, by fate, about a month into moving to Franklin, TN. She was on her own musical journey and I was chomping at the bit to start my own… (little did I know I would meet the guys like 6 months later). Joy has been an incredible example of strength, perseverance, faith, and grace throughout all the years that I’ve known her. I always wanted to be able to sing like her and being able to duet with her actually felt like an amazing tribute to the inspiration she’s given me. Taylor and his family are also close with Joy and he is actually the one who brought up having her on the song. It’s the first time we’ve ever collaborated with anyone as a band and we’re all really really proud we were able to invite someone into Paramore’s world who completely understands multiple aspects of who we are. Whether you’re a Paramore fan, a Civil Wars fan, or you just like pretty songs… This one will satisfy, I swear! 

Alright, this is long. I’ve typed for DAYS. My fingers hurt. I’m a little rusty! I won’t take any more of your time, except for to say this: we love you and we can’t wait for what’s next.

Always always always betting on you, 

Hayley

*shedding tears*

Now I leave you with 2 of Paramore's songs from Self-Titled Deluxe.

Emma Watson on Feminism

This is the full transcript of Emma Watson's speech at the launch of the HeForShe campaign in New York City:

Today we are launching a campaign called for HeForShe. I am reaching out to you because we need your help. We want to end gender inequality, and to do this, we need everyone involved. This is the first campaign of its kind at the UN. We want to try to mobilize as many men and boys as possible to be advocates for change. And, we don’t just want to talk about it. We want to try and make sure that it’s tangible.

I was appointed as Goodwill Ambassador for UN Women six months ago. And, the more I spoke about feminism, the more I realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop.

For the record, feminism by definition is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes.

I started questioning gender-based assumptions a long time ago. When I was 8, I was confused for being called bossy because I wanted to direct the plays that we would put on for our parents, but the boys were not. When at 14, I started to be sexualized by certain elements of the media. When at 15, my girlfriends started dropping out of sports teams because they didn’t want to appear muscly. When at 18, my male friends were unable to express their feelings.

I decided that I was a feminist, and this seemed uncomplicated to me. But my recent research has shown me that feminism has become an unpopular word. Women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Apparently, I’m among the ranks of women whose expressions are seen as too strong, too aggressive, isolating, and anti-men. Unattractive, even.

Why has the word become such an uncomfortable one? I am from Britain, and I think it is right I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should be able to make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decisions that will affect my life. I think it is right that socially, I am afforded the same respect as men.

But sadly, I can say that there is no one country in the world where all women can expect to see these rights. No country in the world can yet say that they achieved gender equality. These rights, I consider to be human rights, but I am one of the lucky ones.

My life is a sheer privilege because my parents didn’t love me less because I was born a daughter. My school did not limit me because I was a girl. My mentors didn't assume that I would go less far because I might give birth to a child one day. These influences were the gender equality ambassadors that made me who I am today. They may not know it, but they are the inadvertent feminists that are changing the world today. We need more of those.

And if you still hate the word, it is not the word that is important. It’s the idea and the ambition behind it, because not all women have received the same rights I have. In fact, statistically, very few have.

In 1997, Hillary Clinton made a famous speech in Beijing about women’s rights. Sadly, many of the things that she wanted to change are still true today. But what stood out for me the most was that less than thirty percent of the audience were male. How can we effect change in the world when only half of it is invited or feel welcome to participate in the conversation?

Men, I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too. Because to date, I’ve seen my father’s role as a parent being valued less by society, despite my need of his presence as a child, as much as my mother’s. I’ve seen young men suffering from mental illness, unable to ask for help for fear it would make them less of a man. In fact, in the UK, suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 to 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. I’ve seen men made fragile and insecure by a distorted sense of what constitutes male success. Men don’t have the benefits of equality, either.

We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes, but I can see that they are, and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not, and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be freer, and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.

I want men to take up this mantle so that their daughters, sisters, and mothers can be free from prejudice, but also so that their sons have permission to be vulnerable and human too, reclaim those parts of themselves they abandoned, and in doing so, be a more true and complete version of themselves.

You might be thinking, “Who is this Harry Potter girl, and what is she doing speaking at the UN?” And, it’s a really good question. I’ve been asking myself the same thing.

All I know is that I care about this problem, and I want to make it better. And, having seen what I’ve seen, and given the chance, I feel it is my responsibility to say something.

Statesman Edmund Burke said, “All that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for good men and women to do nothing.”

In my nervousness for this speech and in my moments of doubt, I told myself firmly, “If not me, who? If not now, when?” If you have similar doubts when opportunities are presented to you, I hope those words will be helpful. Because the reality is that if we do nothing, it will take seventy-five years, or for me to be nearly 100, before women can expect to be paid the same as men for the same work. 15.5 million girls will be married in the next 16 years as children. And at current rates, it won't be until 2086 before all rural African girls can have a secondary education.

If you believe in equality, you might be one of those inadvertent feminists that I spoke of earlier, and for this, I applaud you. We are struggling for a uniting word, but the good news is, we have a uniting movement. It is called HeForShe. I invite you to step forward, to be seen and to ask yourself, “If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Thank you very, very much.

So...what say you?