Why the Sky is Blue

"Do you know why the sky is blue?"
"Because the sky reflects the color of the sea,"
He laughed and said, "When the sunlight enters atmosphere, it works like prism, the lights are scattered in colors. But the blue light is scattered more than the others, and that's why see a blue sky."

He's been busy lately, with work and struggle to get promoted. And I also have been busy hunting for jobs, it's like a never ending activity since I started last month. I've been shooting so many arrows but none of them have landed on the moon yet, not even stars. It's quite a tough time for both of us, but we manage to create our own happiness by phone calls at night, talking about stuff, forgetting the problems and just embracing the moment. That's why we need each other. I love it when he tells me stuff. Science, animals, politics, religion, everything. Then I find myself browsing through the news and articles on NatGeo page. Call me a nerd, because it's what I really am. I love books so much but there's a time when I feel like reading non-fictions like the articles on NatGeo. You should read them too. It's incredible and amazing to learn something new, and important too. It's another way to remind myself that my problems are so insignificant compared to God's gifts. Knowledge is power, knowledge is sexy they said. Well, even though I can just ask Google, most times I prefer to ask my fiance because he's my living Wiki and it becomes my habit to bring the "geek" out of him. I wish someday he would tell our son or daughter why the sky is blue. :)

Little Treasures

When I was young, I collected tiny, shiny things. Inside a small music box, I kept a random array of little treasures: a black sequin that fell from my mom's dress, a stray color-light that wedged itself into the carpet, a silver button that probably belonged to someone's sweater. There were earring and broken thumbtacks and colorful strands of thread. I remember putting in a birthday candle and a pink eraser, and a small piece of plastic I grabbed only because it was gold. I sought out small tokens of joy, little slices of light and color. It's not that I did anything with them, really. Every once in a while, I'd open the lid to survey my stock, pulling each tiny, forgotten thing from the box and arranging them on the windowsill in my bedroom just so. Then I'd put all the gleaming, vibrant gems of garbage back into my music-turned-treasure box. (Maybe I kept small pictures of Justin Timberlake in there, too, but that's not the point)

The point's that I actively, purposefully searched for beautiful, charming things to pocket. When I was young, I looked for little slivers of joy to call my own, and I still do. In a different way, I still do, because more and more I've come to understand my own responsibility in finding joy. I understand happiness as a choice, and how happiness comes from making choices.

Recently, I was having a not-good day. A day of spilled coffee, sad news, and some truly unfortunate timing. I could tell early on that something within me wanted to wallow in the gloom, and as I got home, I had every intention of crawling under the covers and turning up my melancholy, rainy-day playlist.

A stripe of sunlight stopped me, though. It's shimmering across my bed, the room all aglow, and I thought, a cup of tea, Aemy. I brewed a cup of English breakfast tea, I opened up one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors, and I went straight to my favorite chapter, rereading my favorite lines. When I was finished, I picked up the phone and called someone, and I told him what I was doing, why I was calling, what I know to be true: happiness is a practice. A collection of tiny, shiny things in our everyday that make it feel just a little bit like magic, like something we should treasure.

One Step Closer

Hey everyone! Guess what..

I just got engaged! ^^

Oh wow.. 

I have to start with a big, sincere thank you for all the heartfelt congratulations! We're completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of well wishes, and million thanks to those who came to the engagement ceremony. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

When he proposed, I undoubtedly said yes. Now I'm staring at this ring..I can say that, yes, this most definitely is it. He's the one, Mr. Right, the whole package. Everything I always, always knew I wanted..only better.

When people hear that we're engaged, there's an inevitable follow-up question: "Wait...how old are you again?" And when we say that we're 25, the reaction is almost always the same: "Wow," they say, eyebrows raised, surprised. "You're so young."

It's true. We are. And for a long time, as in, my entire life, I imagined that I'd be single right now. I imagined that at 25 I'd be single, living in some place, and nowhere near marriage. I imagined that I'd be living with my girlfriends and pretending that I was Carrie Bradshaw, minus the wardrobe. Instead, though, I met the most incredible person I've ever known. And my girlfriends, we're not living together though. They're spread out across the country. Some are married, engaged and others are single, and hardly any of us are where we expected to be..in Sabah or in life.

I understand that marrying young isn't for some people, I really do. Truth is, I thought it wasn't for me, either. There's something to be said for waiting, for focusing on your friends and your career and dating throughout your life so that by the time you run into that one person, you never have to question it. I believe in that theory, and if I hadn't met Ifo, I'd probably be living it.

I did meet him, though, so any kind of life plan I'd ever created for myself bent and unfolded to allow room for him, for us. And still, I'm always sort of shocked to see how much of my life has gone the way I'd thought it might. I followed the path I set out for myself, and that never really ceases to amaze me.

There are certainly upsides and downsides to marrying young. The most common "downside" is true: in every decision you make, you have another person to consider. In that sense, yes, there's less individual freedom. But to me, I feel sort of blessed to consider Ifo. I feel blessed that there's someone in this world who means so much to me that I want to match my life to his.

A stranger, actually, is the person who said it best, I think. A woman shared her experience on marrying young. "I'd have given anything to share all that extra time with the love of my life," she said. "To share all those extra years, all those experiences in your twenties that shape you forever. You're lucky."

Extra time together, that's how she put it. Lovely, don't you think? Well, 25 is not really young though. Lol.

Well, even if it's cliche, even if it sounds cheesy and ridiculous and totally scripted, I've honestly never felt freer in my life. Because real love, the best kind of love, makes you feel free to be yourself. Free to let go, hold on, take risks, and move forward. Free to be wildly, absurdly happy. And I am. I really, really am. :)

Be a Special Idiot

A few nights ago someone asked me if I’d read the article, "26 reasons not to run a marathon". It's a few nights before I joined the Borneo International Marathon (BIM) 2015. I hadn't read it. But now I have. Though the author brought up some great points, like running marathons isn't for everybody and it could physically damage you if you're not properly prepared, etc...there's no reason to instill fear.

There's no need to make people feel like their heart's going to stop or their knees are going to fail them, or that they're wrong for only wanting to run a marathon to brag or flood Instagram with pictures of finisher medals. That's their right. So now that I've read the top reasons NOT to run a marathon, and I've JOINED a marathon on 3rd May 2015, I've compiled my own little list: 19 reasons to run a marathon.

Here goes.

1. Feel like a super hero

Super Man, Wonder Woman, Batman, Flash, Black Widow...pick whichever tickles your fancy because you'll feel like any one of them.

2. Improve discipline in other areas of your life. 

During training periods you can be disciplined in every aspect in your life from work to diet to exercise. There's something about being able to focus your mind for hours upon hours that really sharpens it. Discipline brings a whole level of clarity to life.

3. It's a great people replacement

You recently got dumped? You and your best friend fighting? You moved away from your family? You lonely? Well marathon training can be your friend. Yes, like the author of the other list said: You will sacrifice part of your social life but when you're missing part of that social life to begin with, endless hours of running can certainly be a stand-in for a few months. And if you join a running group or training team, you might just make new friends.

4. You might make new friends

I met some new friends at the BIM; from kids to old people, from the locals to foreigners. It's fun. Yay for new friends!

5. It restores your faith in humanity

I know it sounds depressing, but having perfect strangers, both fellow runners and onlookers, encourage you when you're in pain and want to quit restores your faith in humanity. I've never seen so much goodwill and willingness to pump others up happen in a non-tragic setting.

6. It gives you an excuse to celebrate

Marathon days are pretty much better than birthdays in that you get to celebrate your own awesomeness on other than just the day you're born. People will want to take you out to eat, your parents will reinforce how wonderful they think you are and your partner will be reassured that you're the most amazing person on the planet. Selfish, I know, but true.

7. You'll discover what works for you

In terms of food as fuel, shoes, clothes, you'll find out what works for you and what doesn't.

8. You'll help worthy causes

Raising money for good causes gives you motivation to train, plus that extra self-righteousness that comes from doing good.

9. You'll learn about new products

Ever had chafing on your thighs? Underarms? Not yet, but you will and that's when you'll learn about new products like Body Glide or creative ways to use Vaseline.

10. You'll learn more about yourself

Hours upon hours running give you plenty of time to be alone with your thoughts. You'll learn what's really bothering you in some aspects in life and you'll have time to mentally sort through and figure out solutions. It's a very meditative time.

11. You'll push your limits

If you say, "I can't," to a lot of stuff, marathon training will rid you of that shitty habit. When you're not training, no matter how many marathons you've run, the thought of running double-digits is outrageous. "I can't," you might think. But when you're out there and you do it despite you mind's can'ts, you learn to push yourself past any former perceived limits. It's exhilarating.

12. You'll feel fitter, stronger than ever

There's nothing more horrible than slipping on your skinny jeans and realizing they're the only skinny ones in the situation. That doesn't happen during marathon training. You feel like a fit, sexy beast.

13. Bragging rights

Oh your friend ran a 10 km? How cute. You? You ran that 10 km after you already run 20 miles. Boom.

14. Improved cardiovascular health

But this is only true if you keep running. Don't run a marathon and then give up running altogether. Be cute and run that 10 km with your friends, you don't have to run marathons all the time to remain healthy.

15. Amazing sleep

You'll never sleep as well as you do after a long run. It's just blissful.

16. Inspiration

Whether you finally become inspiring to yourself or you're inspiring others or you happen to meet some inspirational folks, there's no shortage of inspiration when it comes to marathons. Plus, when life gets to sucking as it inevitably does at times, you can look back on that accomplishment and remember how at one point, you felt freaking invincible.

17. Post-marathon feast

No one can feast like a person who just ran a marathon. I'm personally not too hungry after a marathon, but the simple fact that at that moment I have the freedom to choose whatever I want to eat without guilt is enough for me to not regret the months of training.

18. Swag

One of my favorite parts about running a marathon is the expo: Free food, swag and good times taking pictures and getting free gears. It's like a carnival. Who doesn't love that? Plus at the end of the race you get a medal. If you're a lazy ass kid who didn't like to run, like I was, then you didn't get medals for this kind of thing when you're little. Now you do.

19. Because you want to

My biggest pet peeve is people telling others what they can't or shouldn't do. Your brother double-dared you to run a marathon? Show him you're in and run it! You wanted to do this before you turn 40? Do it! Wear your medal to your 40th birthday party if you want. If running a marathon is what you want, and you're overweight or scared you're going to drop dead during the race, then get healthy, lose weight and then train. My moral: There's always a million reasons to NOT do something, but as far as I can see the best reason TO DO something is because you want to.

Quick Update

Hey, everyone. It's been a crazy month. I joined a camp for 3 days at Manis Manis Nature Resort, became a facilitator, my team won The Best Team award, I got to meet new friends, got to know my students and other teachers closer and we had so much. It was awesome, despite the fact that I can't sleep at nights because I heard things..well, you know, the place's haunted. I came home with bruises all over my legs. Damn you, ghost. Lol. 

the winning team

Then I went to Kuala Lumpur and stayed there for a week. It's a sudden trip, so unplanned. I was actually sending my cousin off as he got a job at KLIA as an immigration officer, and at the same time being his companion to adapt in a new place, and looking for house/room to rent. We grew up together, we're like brother and sister, so I can't just let him do everything all by himself. Yes, he's grown-up, but he's always like a little brother to me and I care about him. Plus he'll be away for a long time and we can't see each other often, so it's the only chance for me to give what I can as a sister. 

with my cousin and his friend

And recently I had a brief catch up with my friends after a month. Ah I missed them so much. We went to beach, ate the newly trending ice cream in vase and watched a beautiful sunset. 

Wait, did I mention that I'm teaching again? Ah yes, but my previous contract has ended and for now I'm just staying at home, waiting for a call from school officer to renew my contract. I sound like a freelance teacher, huh. Well, it's fun somehow. Unlike regular teachers, up to this day I've taught more than 2 subjects; Maths, Science, English, Music, Visual Art, ICT, Technical Skills, and Geography. Lol. 

So that's all for now. Till next time. ^^

Breathing

"Your true passion should feel like breathing. It's that natural." - Oprah

I loved watching The Oprah Winfrey Show and I almost never missed an episode. That seems to be at the center of what she stands for. Self-awareness, consciousness, knowledge of your spirit and your truth and your own physical presence. I think the important message is to question, recognize, and improve yourself. What I appreciate most about Oprah is how confidently she talks about personal passions. How wisely she speaks of that inner fire, the feeling of destiny, of things that make you feel most yourself. I've been asked why I write. And when I answer, I admit that I don't write to be read. I write for the sake of writing. For the process, the struggle, and the unique elation that comes during the sweet, split-second moment that inspiration strikes. Mostly, I write to know myself. To me, writing's about discovering the shape of my thoughts and then tracing and retracing that shape until it becomes something clear and crisp, something I can recognize, maybe even something I can understand. 

Honestly, some days the words don't come easily. Some days I find myself forcing them out, racking my brain or my journal..or, well, random internet prompts..for that magic spark of the idea. Other days, though, Oprah's right, it's really like breathing. Instinctive and spontaneous, habitual and liberating and subconscious. Those days, writing is a sign of life. But today, this is all I can write. I was going to write a recap of Syawal, to tell a story about the wonderful celebration of Hari Raya. Well...you know how good the pictures can tell the story. ;)

Raya with family:

Raya with friends:

Syawal has always been a great month because it's when all of the family members gather together and it's also when I can meet my friends. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those moments and freeze them. Family and friends are my passion. True passion feels like breathing. They're the sign of my life. :)

Worth Fighting For

What makes a song beautiful is not always the quality of the voice but the distance that voice has had to travel. - Unfinished Song, 2012

Have you watched Unfinished Song (formerly known as Song For Marion)? The film's may be too old for me, but I love it. It's partly inspired by Young@Heart and starring Vanessa Redgrave (Marion), Terrence Stamp (Arthur) and Gemma Arterton (Elizabeth). 

Arthur's a bad-tempered person who sees no value in his wife's participation in elderly choir directed by Elizabeth. As soon as you see Marion sitting on a wheelchair, head covered, you know she's suffering from cancer which is declared terminal by her doctor. And so it happens. She faints during rehearsal, is taken to hospital and is told by doctor to go home and have as much chips and ice cream as she wants since she only has weeks to live. But Marion only wants one thing: to go back to the choir and sing. Despite Arthur's grumpy protestations, as he's being overprotective and really wants to spend as much time with her as possible, Marion returns to rehearsals as the choir prepares to participate in the auditions for a national choral competition. She performs one final song during the audition, True Colors by Cindy Lauper, which is about her relationship to Arthur. And honestly, tears streaming down my face while watching her singing that song. So Marion dies. Right after Marion's death, he decides to shut his only son, whom he has never gotten along, out of his life, even though that means he won't be able to see his cute granddaughter, no matter how fond Arthur is of her. I guess that's what happen when you lose someone you really love, you just want to be alone. Arthur comes to grips with his wife's death and of course, eventually finding the courage to join the choir and sing. At the competition, Arthur sings his heart out with a song that equally expresses his feelings for Marion, Goodnight My Angel by Billy Joel. And it makes me cry once again.

All in all, Unfinished Song is a heartwarming music drama with some beautifully bittersweet musical moments that bring tears of joy and sorrow. It's these moments that really bring the film to life, anchoring and capturing the essence of these complex beings. 

There's something about old couples that makes me realize someone can love you forever. I saw a couple the other day when I was walking down the street. They're old, wrinkled. Watching the way they were with each other, made it seem like they were young. The woman's laughing so hard she had to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to catch her breath. And the man's holding her hand, so sweet, as though whatever enormous life that exists behind them is brand new and fresh when they're together, a blank slate. They held hands the entire time. Then I remembered the time when my late grandparents were still alive, they really loved each other. When my grandfather passed away, my grandmother kept talking about him every single day. Like, "if your grandfather were here..." Well, she passed away last year. May they both rest in peace.

I wish that me and my future husband will always love each other even we become old and grumpy. InsyaAllah. :)

Well, music has a way of getting to the heart. So here's the scene of Arthur singing Goodnight My Angel:

Goodnight, my angel

Time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day

I think I know what you've been asking me

I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you

And you should always know

Wherever you may go

No matter where you are

I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel

Now it's time to sleep

And still so many things I want to say

Remember all the songs you sang for me

When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean

I'm rocking you to sleep

The water's dark

And deep inside this ancient heart

You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel

Now it's time to dream

And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry

And if you sing this lullaby

Then in your heart

There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on

They never die

That's how you and I

Will be

Jac's Wedding

Wedding days are about great moments and memories; from the bittersweet moment you leave your parents house to your nervous walk down the aisle or sit on the altar, from your 'aku terima nikahnya..' or 'I do' to that first kiss as a married couple all the way to the speeches, cake cutting and gifts. 

I went to Jac and Leo's wedding over the weekend. Jac is a good, sweet friend and we were classmates in high school. The wedding was wonderful and Jac looked so beautiful in her lovely white gown and veil. The day was great because not only I got to witness Christian wedding in the church for the first time, which is really nice, I also got to meet my high school friends. It turned out to be a mini reunion. You see, I always have this strange feeling when a high school friend gets married..in a good way, of course. I don't know, it's just..oh I don't know how to put that into words.. Time goes by really fast, huh. It feels like just yesterday we were learning subjects and goofing around with other friends in the classroom. And now, one of us got married. Marriage is not just an auspicious bond. It's a journey that lasts till eternity. I wish Jac and Leo lots of love and happiness and may they have a remarkable and joyful ride. :)

Congrats, Jac. ^^

Best Days of Our Lives Haven’t Happened Yet

Someday I will host dinner parties and you will always be invited. We'll eat lovely food and perhaps the first time I'll try and have a hand at cooking a real big meal. If it doesn't work so well, the next time I'll just have something ordered-in. But nevertheless, food will be plenty and drinks will be flowing. 

We'll come together and every single time the conversation will start with something along the lines of, "where does the time go? It seems just like yesterday..." and for a moment we'll all sigh and smile at that truth, and the fact it'll be mentioned, just the same, at our next dinner party. We'll then talk of our lives. We'll share in roars of laughter and bicker about politics and how some of us still listen to Taylor Swift..but only because our quirks and differences are what we truly love about one another. We'll reminisce about all the memories we share and chuckle at our past selves.

"How could we have been so silly?" we'll say.

"We worried about so many unnecessary things!" we'll all agree.

We'll laugh until we cry and cry until we laugh. We'll find ourselves chatting on and on about how our loves drive us bonkers but we all will smile at one another, knowing that none of us would trade them for anything. We will then joke and point out our most embarrassing moments and then we'll sigh and say in unison, "how did we get through all of that?" And we'll not say it aloud, but in our hearts we will think, "it was crazy, exhausting and one of the most confusing times of our lives but we wouldn't change it for the world."

"Not one bit," we will silently repeat.

Someday.

Bits of Wisdom

SPF 4 doesn't count. In fact, it probably contains more oil than sun protection.

It's worth keeping every movie ticket you've ever had, you'll want them someday.

It really, truly is okay to say no. Saying yes isn't always an option.

Parents are right almost all the time, so you may as well listen and learn.

Giving 100% to work or school is great, but you should give the same to friends.

You have to open up and seek out the joy, joy doesn't find you.

If he wants to be with you "in a couple years", move on. Love shouldn't have to be planned.

Friends will move away, you'll move away, and somehow, you'll be closer than ever.

The best kind of love is when you both put the other on a pedestal.

Have a great weekend. :)

Cheating on Your Loneliness

This type of loneliness may always be in you, even if you're with someone. But you could cheat on your loneliness.

Think about how much your mother loves you.

Think about how much your father loves you.

Think about how many fires your sisters/brothers would walk through to protect your heart from being broken one more time.

Think about all the late night calls your best friends have taken and listened to you, no matter how trite.

Think about the ideas in your head.

Think about the people who have read some things you've written about and told you it made them feel a little less alone and less afraid.

Think about the people who have seen something special in you.

Think about the adventures you've had, the strangers who carried you through a tough moment on a leap of faith.

Think about the time you laughed so hard tears came out your eyes.

Think about what it feels like when you see a movie or a play or a work of art and for a minute, everything is suspended in that moment of transcendent and elusive beauty.

Think about all the stories you have.

Think about all of the stories you've yet to tell.

These things will never leave you. The space of what or who has left you only makes room for what needs to come. Thank them. And you don't have to feel lonely after all. 

The Gardeners' Daughter

tulip field in Netherlands

Yes I am. Both my parents really love planting and gardening; mostly are flowering plants, but there are also some mango, rose apple, chiku and rambutan trees. This place that I'm living in, you may call it a house in the garden. My parents' interest started with growing bougainvilleas and cactus. Yes, they're beautiful but I complained when we got many pots of bougainvilleas because watering them everyday was tiring and I had to clean the fallen flowers and leaves. Now the gardens have grown from the front to backyard and there are various of plants and flowers. I don't complain anymore, I still water the plants and clean the yards because I take that as my responsibility to help my parents. Besides, I've started to enjoy it as I love the gardens. Honestly, I don't have the knowledge and skills of gardening (I planted tomato and it died), I don't have the passion that my mom has. But I want to learn, because someday I might also want to have my own garden. 

Gardening gives a creative outlet and a personal link to nature. It helps me feel attached to the earth and reminds me that I'm part of nature which tend to change. I'm thankful to have parents that love nature. And I just adore the things that they have in common, apart from love. It's soothing to see the happiness in mom's face when dad bought her new type of plant/flower, new pots, and soil, and then they would do the gardening together. Sometimes they just hang out in the garden, I can't hear the conversation, but watching them is enough to make me smile. Last year in November my dad booked flight tickets for himself and mom to visit nurseries in Selangor as a gift for their anniversary. Holy moly! Imagine how happy mom was. It's one of the sweetest thing about them!

mom at flower nursery

My dad has just retired from work, so he spends most mornings and evenings outside taking care of the plants. So recently he just finished building a hut for the plants and flowers, now we have 4 houses; orchid hut, caladium hut, plumeria hut, and herbaceous plant hut. There are many kinds that I can't name and recognize in every house, which are bought by mom and dad from many nurseries they've went to. While the bougainvilleas are scattered everywhere around our house. Told you, it's the house in the garden. It's a sanctuary, my safe haven.

I'm not sure what's the plan after mom's retirement this year. I heard they want to open a nursery business, but it's not confirmed yet. I don't know if mom could sell the flowers to people, I mean she really loves the flowers. But what I'm sure is that someday when I have enough money, I want to take my parents to any world's greatest flower fields. Like, tulip field in Netherlands, sunflower field in Italy, lavender route in France, ranunculus field in California, or at least the Flower and Garden Festival at Floria Putrajaya. It's my dream. And I hope it may come true someday. :)

caladium hut

herbaceous hut

orchid hut

plumeria hut

Week of Celebration

It's been a great week!!

8th January marks the 24th birthday of a friend of mine and Ifo, Jasper Olsen Francis. As requested by his girlfriend, Fenny, who's currently working in peninsular, we threw a party for him. I probably know how it feels to be in long distant relationship, ones would want their partner to have a special moment on birthday even though they're away from each other. So we ordered cheese cake and celebrated at Tanjung Aru's SugarBun. It's not really a surprise party because we didn't have enough time to set it up. We gave Jasper a superhero mask as a gift, since he looks like Aaron Taylor-Johnson and we called him KickAss. It's not even a KickAss mask, but it still made him look like one. I think it's time to introduce The Baks members to you (I'll do this on each birthday). Jasper is a pharmacist, has been Ifo's friend since high school and I met him at matriculation. He's a very nice guy to hangout with, you can never be bored when he's around because he's very friendly and talkative. What we like about him is that he's an informative, adventurous, easy-going and open-minded person. He's someone that will always be there for friends in good and bad times. When you share your problems with him, he'd come up with the best advice and solutions. And he's multitalented; karate kid, pianist, athlete. We're glad to have him as a friend. :)

On Friday, me with Ifo and my sister went back to Papar to help preparing for tahlil feast that was held on the next day. Since we couldn't attend it, we came a day earlier to help in preparation. Ifo also gave some helps in the kitchen, he's good at it and I was glad that he got along very well with my relatives; aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors. They all love him. 

On 11th, I went to my best friend's wedding reception at Permai D'Valley Ratau. I'm genuinely happy that Rafizza's finally married to her Navy man, Lt Haffiz. We came quite late, so we missed the earlier sessions like Navy parade and some traditions, but it's okay as long as I can meet the bride and groom, see the happiness and took pictures together. There were 2 pelamin, one of them is the modern pelamin, prettily decorated in purple and white, matched the bride's purple dress. Then they changed into Dusun Lotud traditional costume to sit at the other pelamin. There's quite a vibe of Sabah on the reception, I guess they wanted to introduce Sabah to the groom's family as they're from West Malaysia. Congratulations to Rafizza and Lt Haffiz, I wish they live happily ever after. ^^

And I'm happy to announce that I got a new job, it's not like an official or day-to-day job, but as a freelance writer, I call it a job. I love it. Another web project is coming soon, it's not really a big thing but I'm gearing up. On top of that, I'll be starting a temporary job as substitute teacher again soon at a primary school. Well, this is the life of an unemployed 24-year-old lady. Blissfully content. 

happy birthday Jasper!

kickass!

Dusun Lotud traditional costume

congrats Rafizza and Lt Haffiz

New Year without Resolution

Nope, no new year's resolution for me. Because my new year's resolutions never make it to the next year. Somehow excuses, stress or sidetracks always get in the way. Don't get me wrong, I'm the biggest advocate for personal growth and accomplishing goals. But for me, new year's resolutions don't always work that way.

My resolution is days. Days full of meaning. Especially because I love nothing more than writing up a to-do list for the things I need to accomplish that day (and I'm usually successful at completing my lists).  I started this because it's important for me to start right when I was extremely motivated. While loving the idea of bringing on the new year with a personal goal in mind, I also love the idea of bettering yourself at any given moment of every single day.

Last year I was told that the way you spend your new year is the way you'll spend your year. True or not, I liked how it sounded. So this year, I make sure my new year's perfect. I'm gonna spend it with the people I love. Laughing, away from my phone, cooking and eating together, being grateful, and having fun.

One of my worst personal qualities was my problem with focusing on the final destination rather than the journey. I typically got stressed out over life's trivial details and took it all too seriously. And at the end of the day, month, year, etc..my usual regret was that I worried much. But not this year, and especially not this new year's eve.

Hello 2014, I'm glad you're here.
Happy New Year!!!

Be Biased for Once

Although I spend an absurd amount of time thinking, planning and considering new year's resolutions, I don't necessarily believe in them. I mean I don't think you have to wait until January 1st to start, or that you need to wait until a specific holiday season to begin reflecting about the changes and improvements you'd like to make. I believe there's no time like the present, and that the best time to start is always now. However, I also like what January 1st has become to people. A night of celebrating life and surrounding yourself with the people you love. I like the newness that surrounds midnight, the feeling that you get to start over, or try again. And I especially like the promise that it holds.

What a difference one minute can make. But really, couldn't the same be said for every day? New years are wonderful, but so are new days. I'm sure I say this enough, but each day is a celebration. A new start. Another change to get it right. Every day can be filled with the same motivation to conquer your goals and with the same high expectations you set for yourself  at 12:01 am.

Whether we set your goals for the year or focus on one day at a time, I hope we choose to use every day as an opportunity to be better. To do what we've always hoped and to work on being that person we said we'd become. Real progress takes work, that short term sacrifices will likely result in long term gains. We're worth the time, effort and commitment. I can never come up with one single resolution, I need more time and more thought. But in the meantime, I've been referring to this list that I got from somewhere in Tumblr and I'd like to share with you. :)

When you're sad:

1. Write letters to the people you love. Don't seal them, don't send them. Instead, stick them between the pages of library books.

2. Venture outside and observe natural life. Watch a honey bee suck the nectar from flowers. Watch a snail slowly make its way towards the shade of a tree. Watch a bird innocently fly around the sky. Realize how insignificant you are.

3. Smile at strangers, say hello. It'll improve their day and your own.

4. Write lists. They can be about anything.

5. Read several pages of the dictionary. Learn new words. Write down the ones you wish to remember.

6. Never feel compelled to apologize when you don't feel sorry. It's okay that you're honest. It's okay that you have a different opinion from someone else.

7.  Read books and watch movies from your childhood. A healthy dose of nostalgia is okay. Immerse yourself in your past innocence. 

8. Walk to a park and get on a swing. Go as high as you can, feel limitless. The world is yours.

9. Eat if you're hungry. Food is not the enemy. You're a human and need food to survive. You deserve to eat.

10. Don't marinate in your sadness. You're not a steak. You're a person, you're irreplaceable. Open yourself up to contentment. Bathe in the rivers of glee. Go for hikes with satisfaction. Sleep in a warm cocoon of blankets with bliss. Let endless happiness overcome your hopeless sadness. You deserve to be happy. If life's a game and you're the referee, be biased for once and let happiness win.

Jingle Bell Rock

So how did we celebrate our 5th anniversary? Dinner at a romantic restaurant, stroll on the beach, movies.....nahh, those are typical. We did what we love to, we're just hanging out in bookshop (I just got myself John Green's Paper Towns ^^), having lunch at mamak stall and talking for hours. All those happened in the place where we had our 1st date and declared to be a couple. :p

Well it's not one-day celebration, and sometimes an anniversary isn't necessarily meant to be celebrated by 2 people. Being together for 5 years have brought us to get closer with everyone else, especially our friends, because most of our sweet moments were involving them and we wanted to share this happiness. So we cooked some simple meals, baked a cake and had dinner together at Ifo's house. Then we had karaoke til midnight while eating the cake we baked. It's really a fun night. Not to brag, but as I love cooking, I was glad to cook my recipe for my loved ones and they liked it. As the saying goes "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", well honestly I kinda put that into practice to impress my man. Heeee... :D

On 25th, we went to Tuaran to meet Ifo's Dusun relatives as they had a little feast for Ifo's grandparents to celebrate christmas. And at night, we're invited to a christmas party at Ifo's cousins' house, and one of the cousin is Nelly's (my best friend) husband-to-be. ^^ What a small world, everyone can be related. It was a great party with beautiful decoration. Ifo and friends grabbed chance to join a game called Running Man. I never watch the show so I had no idea about it, but it's just apparently an eating competition. Each group consists of 6 persons, and every member must finish boiled egg, hot curry Maggie, ice cream, chocolate bar, a bottle of mineral water and coke as fast as possible. The foods were simple and finishing them seemed easy, the real challenge was the psycho cheers from the crowds as they shouted, "muntah..muntah..muntah!" One of our friends almost puked eating the egg, me who's watching also felt like throwing up. Their psycho really worked. Anyway, Ifo's group won 2nd place and we went home with 2 hampers and lots of treats. 

Such a nice way to end the year. ^^

cooked for the loved ones

me and Ifo with 2 beautiful christmas cakes

with my friend a.k.a biras-to-be, Nelly

enjoying meals with the hosts of the party

congrats guys!

5 Years and Counting

Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you..
- Train, Marry Me

The thing about love is that you find a way. It's funny the way things look different when you're in love, the moments are clearer and crisp, but it's the absence of love that makes you notice. I know 6 things about love: 1) it'll make you a better person, 2) it's simple, 3) the more you give, the more you have, 4) it's constant, 5) it can be everything you've hoped for, and 6) it must start with yourself.

I don't know if the world provides us with soulmates, but what I do know is that there's someone I'd pick every time. :)

This man right here, I owe him the world. He has shown me how great it can be to love someone, and how important it is to love and accept myself. He has taught me how to be comfortable in my skin and how to let go of my anger. He has proven to me that there's someone who will love the darkest, scariest parts of you. I've spent 5 years getting to know this beautiful soul as well as to know myself. Within those years we've had some barriers between us, some rough patches, but we're still into each other. I'm so lucky and so blessed to have been given such an amazing and loving man. I thank God every day for sending me such a perfect addition to my life. With him, my weird feels normal and that's all I can ever ask for. 

And today marks our 5th anniversary. Happy anniversary, dearest Ifo. I love you, always have and always will. :)

Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.

Make Life Easier for Each Other

Most of us don't want to back off from our favorite thing. We won't even do our second favorite thing. Imagine yourself screwing over entire lanes of traffic because the driver forgot to get in the left lane, so you cut over several lanes to make your turn before the light changes. Don't you think that you just shove your car through everybody's life? 

We have to stop doing things like this to each other sometimes. We're all just going the best we can in life, and our best would be 10 times more awesome if we tried to make the lives of people around us better, because as a result, our lives will be better. If everyone wants everyone else to be okay, then won't we all be okay? So what we can do to make life easier for each other? Here's some tips for me, you and everyone.

1. Don't ever tell anyone they look tired.

2. Help people, and if you offer to help someone, follow through.

3. Be kind to people who work in retail and food service.

4. Let someone know you’re not interested.

5. Actually hang out sometime.

6. Be a little more honest.

7. Stop calling each other mean names on the Internet.

8. Send more letters (not emails or text messaging or whatsapp or bbm, etc) and gifts.

9. Give more genuine compliments.

10. Have more patience while waiting in lines.

10 Seconds of Fame

I'm officially graduated!! Yay!!! 

*fireworks*

*confetti rain*

Well, it's just an ordinary graduation ceremony. But it's probably the onetime experience, so I wanted to feel the moment. Yes, it's fun, but it's also tiring and exhausting! Plus I only ate a couple of sandwiches that day. I skipped lunch and regretted it. We waited for 2 hours before parading into the hall. The parade was my favorite part..it's glorious, you know..when you walked on red carpet into the hall and everyone's watching and applauding, accompanied with orchestral music. Oh it's wonderful. But the excitement faded a while as we had to wait for another hour before being on stage. When it's time, I could only hear my heartbeats. I went up stage, my name's mentioned, I know I was on the screens, faced the chief minister of Sabah, smiled at cameras, took scroll, said thanks, and went down smiling. That's all. 4 years of study and 10 seconds of fame. Lol! 

Exiting the hall, I ran straight away to find my lovelies. The 1st ones I met were Ifo, Jasper and Selvin. They brought me flowers! Then we went to meet my family and they had flowers for me too. I felt blessed. Being hugged and kissed by mum and dad was the most touching moment, nothing could make me happier than seeing them happy and proud. Despite the fact that I was famished and exhausted, I was glad. Unfortunately I didn't get to meet most friends after leaving the hall, we're all separated by the crowds and couldn't find each other. Everything was so brief. I wish I could see them and say goodbye because it might be difficult to meet again.

The next day was Ifo's turn. I loved it how charming he was in suit and robe. We're finally graduated together. ^^ I got to meet his family and take pictures together. The whole Baks was also there so hey, it's a party! We took as much pictures as we want at the chancellor lawn, went crazy together. Then we took off for lunch, played bowling and decided to stay at Lan's place while waiting for concert night at UMS. So we had karocks and watched Pee Mak that made me almost cry. After that we headed to Tamu Gadang and had dinner there. It's not really a cool place because it's too crowded and smokes were everywhere. And the concert was just okay..there's Azlan & The Typewriter, and a band that tried so hard to be like Paramore..whatever the band was, they performed Still Into You at slow tempo and Conspiracy. I was disappointed as they ruined the songs. 

We kinda made a history that night when a woman approached us and asked to help her finding her 2 little sons that were missing at Tamu Gadang. So we split up and looked for the kids, but we didn't find them..others did. Someone sent them to the stage and made announcement. Phew. Glad the kids were safe. Then we escaped from the place and went to the peaceful sports complex. Looking at the huge field, I recalled the orientation moment dancing on the field during our 1st week in campus 4 years ago. It felt like yesterday. Now we're leaving hogwarts and going forward to the new chapters.

Well, it's an amazing night. It made me realize how blessed I am to be surrounded by wonderful people; my family, friends, Ifo, the Baks, bloggers, etc. Hmm, cliche huh? And being a part of the guys is great, I'm always happy whenever they're around. I may be the wallflower in any other place, but I'm the flower in the group. :)