A Birthday Wish at 26

I turned 26 yesterday and I've always loved birthdays though it's not really a big deal. But for me, birthdays tend to inspire a bit of reflection. Each year I look back at the year behind me, and I have to say, if 26 treats me half as well as 25, I'll be a lucky girl indeed. I thank Allah for everything I have, especially my husband and my family. They're the most precious gift I've ever had and I won't trade them for anything. My family threw a birthday party for me yesterday, my husband bought a lovely chocolate cake and we were all having steamboat and grill at lunch. It was so memorable and wonderful. 

Fast forward a year and everything's changed, everything but the people beside me. And that's really all that matters, isn't it? And there's always next year. In the wake of everything, I've also realized that there won't be a next year to change my life.

When you're young and in your 20s, that's the time when you should be taking big risks. When else could we bounce back from bottom as easily? But there's a difference between risking big and being reckless, and that's a distinction I've ignored for the longest time. I've always been reckless. I did too many things I'm not proud of having done before I was legally allowed to vote. I've always jumped first and hoped to develop my wings on the way down.

For as long as I can remember, I've been reckless with my own life, and put my own emotions second. I grew up quickly, and compartmentalized how I felt, because I thought it was more important to focus on how everyone else felt. On how I might make life easier for them. Seeing somebody else happy was more tangible, making their lives easier was easy for me. Everyone likes to feel useful, to feel helpful, to feel needed. But I would always put my need to feel needed at the top of the list, and ignore everything else I needed.

And that's not a way to live life.

Life is too short to waste your time doing anything less than what you love, and anything less than what makes you feel alive. Life is too short to stay comfortable, and to not take risks, and to not feel scared. Life is too short to be reckless with anyone's life or emotions, even your own. Life is too short to waste your time on anyone who makes you feel anything less than important. And not everyone has to make you feel as if you're important. they're not obligated to by any means, but for every person who doesn't, you'll find 5 more who will. And they're worth the effort. Your time on them will not be wasted. And your life will be more rewarding for knowing them.

And whether it's your birthday or you just wake up tomorrow and aim to fix what's not working about your life, I wish for you to remember that though it might be uncomfortable at first, that space where things become uncomfortable is where we grow and learn the most. And that space is rare and precious and few people ever make it there. And it's worth going there. It really, really is.

Happy birthday to me. 

Priceless Birthday

Brunch at Upperstar with my fiance, his mom and sister

My family threw me a surprise party at KFC

Fruity ice cream cake, my favorite

Twenty five 

My 25th birthday was sunny, simple, sweet and full of fabulous surprise. There were time well spent with my family, long and lingering dinners with Ifo, coffee with friends, and a whole lot of special, pinch-me moments from the birthday weekend. My cheeks are rosy, my stomach aches from laughing too hard and eating far too many food, and, well, 25 is off to a pretty good start. For me, birthdays tend to inspire a bit of reflection. Each year I look back at the year behind me, and I have to say, if 25 treats me half as well as 24, I'll be a lucky girl indeed. Fast forward a year and everything's changed, everything but the people beside me. And that's really all that matters, isn't it? Thanks again for all the sweet birthday wishes! :)

Who Am I at 25

I've been thinking a lot about what I would, what I should, write for this. And the thing is, well, I haven't come up with much. Other than...

I'm okay. Here I am. 25. And I'm okay. Thrilling, right? Well, for me, it is. Okay is nothing short of utterly and completely thrilling. Because for so long I was not. Okay. And then I was not quite.

I have moments. All the time. Moments where I feel like I should have done more. Been more. Said more. Moments where I feel so far behind. I'm 25 already. This is it? This is all I've accomplished? But then I quietly remind myself that we all have different paths. Different life trajectories. Our stories vary. And my accomplishments, my multitudinous (yup, I just used that word) victories are mostly private. Things that others might never understand. But for me those victories are the difference between not okay. Not quite. And just fine.

And just fine, okay, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is the beginning. The beginning of everything. The part of my story where my successes become (i hope) a bit more public.

So who am I at 25?

I'm someone who believes that unsolicited smiles by strangers are one of the most profound acts of kindness possible.

I still use the pajamas that my mother gifted me for my 18th birthday. It immediately brings me back to a time of naivete and endless possibility.

The quote that makes the most sense to me right now, right at this very moment: Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living  - Jonathan Safran Foer 

If I could go anywhere tomorrow I'd hop on a plane and land in Paris. Then I'd go to Rome. And sit in cafe after cafe after cafe. Saturating myself in beauty and history. And a lot of gelato. 

I'm engaged to an amazing man. I'm full of more love than I ever expected to be and I'm sure of him than I've ever felt about anything. 

I don't know where life goes from here. But I'm so excited to go boldly into the unknown. To try. and to fail a little, as inevitably I will. But also to start gathering successes. Collecting them one by one in the cradle of my arms so I can lay them on the alter of this life as my humble (and multitudinous) thanks.

I am so thankful to be 25. To be 25 and just fine.

Happy birthday to me. 

Perfect, Sweet-Filled Birthday

3rd October 2014 was my 24th birthday. And, inevitably, I find myself considering where I am, where I've been..whether I'm who I expected to be at this age, whether I'm doing what I expected to do. Truth is: I am and I'm not. Some things have fallen right into place, right where I always imagined they would. Other things, though, have been surprises. Good and bad ones. But all of it, I'm very happy to say, feels right. As if it's inevitable. Certain, in the most wonderful of ways. And if I have one wish for 24, it'll be holding on to that. The feeling that everything, even the unexpected, is just as it should be.

When asked how I wanted to spend my birthday, I said I just wanted to spend it with the ones I love. Just like in the past. I didn't expect any cakes, gifts or celebration. But actually that's what I really got.....

After having a movie night (Anabelle..stupid creepy doll) and sleepover (it's been soooooo long since high school) with my girls (Farah and Jana) at Farah's place, Ifo took me out for a date on my birthday. It's a simple, lovely date; just me and him, watching Dracula Untold (awesome movie!), eating pizza, talking and talking and laughing. And hey, I got new books! If I stay and Where She Went, both by Gayle Forman. 

Two days after my birthday, we went out again, with other friends this time. It was raining heavily outside and I thought that something hot or soupy would be nice, so I suggested to eat at Natural Kitchen. But Ifo insisted to go to Secret Recipe, so we did. When we got there, Selvin and Russel were already waiting at the table. They hadn't ordered anything but plain water. Then Ifo excused himself to call Jasper outside, so we waited for them while browsing the menus. 

Few minutes later, Ifo and the rest appeared at the stairs; Ifo (playing ukulele), Desmond (holding a cake), Jasper, Mark and Carol. They're all singing out loud a Happy Birthday song, clapping..and I was....oh my God, I was so speechless, so surprised..I didn't know what to say. I just laughed and felt touched and ashamed at the same time. Touched, because I didn't expect any of those and it's been so long since I had that kind of surprise celebration..embarrassed, because everybody in the restaurant was looking at me and clapping along. Suddenly I became the centre of attention. Lol. It was all Ifo's idea..he'd been planning everything for almost a week, he brought The Baks and Wonder Women (girls group consisting me, Carol, Nelly, Fytt and Etha, but only Carol available that day) together as a team to celebrate my birthday. How nice! They even made a secret group chat to discuss the whole things. 

It was so sweet and wonderful. Thank you, everyone..thank you so much for surprising me good, I owe you guys a big time. I'm so grateful to have you guys in my life. And darling Ifo, I can't thank you enough..I love you. :)

post-sleepover

I'm a happy birthday girl

the cake was awesome

my sweethearts

I love you ^^

Dust on His Path

"There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often."
– Surah Al-Ahzab (33:21)

The salvation of humanity and every individual lies in following the blessed sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (saw), who has been sent by Allah (swt) as a role model for us until qiamat. But some people think that sunnah is only restricted to prayers, fasting and several others. Instead, there are sunnah for all the activities we do everyday. In Islam, the Arabic word 'sunnah' has come to denote the way Rasulullah (saw), the Messenger of Allah, lived his life. And following the sunnah of Rasulullah (saw) in all aspects of life will bring blessings of Allah to us. 

Here's a few sunnah of Rasulullah (saw):

1. Sunnah of eating

• recite bismillah and du'a before eating
• start with fruits if any
• use right hand, 3 fingers if possible
• don't drink while eating
• eat before hungry, stop before full 

2. Sunnah of sleeping

• clean and take wudhu before going to bed
• recite ayat al-Kursi before sleeping
• sleep on right hand side with right palm under right cheek
• keep knees slightly bent

3. Sunnah on anger management

• when you're angry while standing, sit
• when you're angry while siting, lie down
• when you're angry while lying down, take wudhu 
• never let anger control you, control the anger

4. Sunnah on favorite sports

• archery, riding horse and swimming

5. Sunnah on favorite food

• barley, dates, figs, olives, grapes, honey, watermelon, milk, mushroom, pomegranate, and plain water 

There are more and you can find them in many sources. Happy Maulidur Rasul. :)

I am the servant of the Qur'an as long as I have life. I am the dust on the path of Muhammad, the Chosen One. - Rumi

Week of Celebration

It's been a great week!!

8th January marks the 24th birthday of a friend of mine and Ifo, Jasper Olsen Francis. As requested by his girlfriend, Fenny, who's currently working in peninsular, we threw a party for him. I probably know how it feels to be in long distant relationship, ones would want their partner to have a special moment on birthday even though they're away from each other. So we ordered cheese cake and celebrated at Tanjung Aru's SugarBun. It's not really a surprise party because we didn't have enough time to set it up. We gave Jasper a superhero mask as a gift, since he looks like Aaron Taylor-Johnson and we called him KickAss. It's not even a KickAss mask, but it still made him look like one. I think it's time to introduce The Baks members to you (I'll do this on each birthday). Jasper is a pharmacist, has been Ifo's friend since high school and I met him at matriculation. He's a very nice guy to hangout with, you can never be bored when he's around because he's very friendly and talkative. What we like about him is that he's an informative, adventurous, easy-going and open-minded person. He's someone that will always be there for friends in good and bad times. When you share your problems with him, he'd come up with the best advice and solutions. And he's multitalented; karate kid, pianist, athlete. We're glad to have him as a friend. :)

On Friday, me with Ifo and my sister went back to Papar to help preparing for tahlil feast that was held on the next day. Since we couldn't attend it, we came a day earlier to help in preparation. Ifo also gave some helps in the kitchen, he's good at it and I was glad that he got along very well with my relatives; aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors. They all love him. 

On 11th, I went to my best friend's wedding reception at Permai D'Valley Ratau. I'm genuinely happy that Rafizza's finally married to her Navy man, Lt Haffiz. We came quite late, so we missed the earlier sessions like Navy parade and some traditions, but it's okay as long as I can meet the bride and groom, see the happiness and took pictures together. There were 2 pelamin, one of them is the modern pelamin, prettily decorated in purple and white, matched the bride's purple dress. Then they changed into Dusun Lotud traditional costume to sit at the other pelamin. There's quite a vibe of Sabah on the reception, I guess they wanted to introduce Sabah to the groom's family as they're from West Malaysia. Congratulations to Rafizza and Lt Haffiz, I wish they live happily ever after. ^^

And I'm happy to announce that I got a new job, it's not like an official or day-to-day job, but as a freelance writer, I call it a job. I love it. Another web project is coming soon, it's not really a big thing but I'm gearing up. On top of that, I'll be starting a temporary job as substitute teacher again soon at a primary school. Well, this is the life of an unemployed 24-year-old lady. Blissfully content. 

happy birthday Jasper!

kickass!

Dusun Lotud traditional costume

congrats Rafizza and Lt Haffiz

On My 23rd Birthday

3 October 1997. You have so much to learn, lil' kid.

It's my 23rd birthday! Lol. It's so impossible to be down on my birthday. I love looking at the past year and seeing how a year isn't that long of a time, but how much I've grown and improved. Sometimes you look back and realize that you had shitty times, but you made it through with a smile and made some fabulous memories along the way. That's what life is all about, staying happy! I don't know how this past year managed to fly by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday I turned 20. *gigglin* But this past year, it was amazing and life changing. Little did I know the adventures that were in store for me. And to think, that the adventures have merely just begun, well that's an incredibly wonderful thing. But, as an ode to the last year, I'd love to share 23 things I've come to know during this last year:

23. If you want to do something good, do it. Don't hesitate. People will be skeptical, people will tell you a million reasons it won't work. But if you feel you can do it, you probably can. And more than that, you'll regret it if you don't. 

22. I've done a thesis, which was one of the best things I've ever made, though definitely also one of the hardest.

21. Getting a passport and I've finally traveled! 

20. There'll be fears and there'll be dreams. Don't let the fears stop you from accomplishing your dreams by taking steps one by one to make your dreams come true. 

19. Rewarded myself with an original album of Paramore. 

18. Though far away in terms of distance, you really do keep those you love close in your heart, no matter where you are.

17. Honesty is the best policy. Just be who you are and people will like you for it, or not. But no point pleasing people who don't like you, and if you do, you will have to constantly do it which is not worth it at all.

16. People that are meant to come into your life, do. I can't control that, I can only have faith.

15. It really is about perspective & where you put your joy.

14. Blogging is still one of the greatest things I have decided to do.

13. I can actually cook. And bake. Real food. And some wickedly scrumptious home-made break. Yup.

12. Graduating from university is extremely exciting, but equally terrifying. But it's normal to feel that way. I'm going to be okay.

11. We're all going to run into a lot of naysayers in life. Let's ignore them. Better yet, let's prove them wrong. 

10. People come into our lives when they're meant to, just as much as they leave our lives when they're meant to. 

9.  It's okay to make mistakes. Really. It's not the end of the world when you do. Just know how to learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them and be better next time. Life is a life long learning process!

8. There are a lot of things I need to quit being afraid of and just try.

7. People you don't see very often, or know particularly well, have the ability to tell you things that stay with you forever. (And things you most need to hear.)

6. Life in your twenties is pretty tricky and exciting, and really, really scary. It's okay to feel that.

5. Keep this in mind everyday: Today I am better than you, but maybe tomorrow, you'll be better than me.

4. Need to embrace uncertainty. 

3. Need to be more patient.

2. Being vulnerable is brave.

1. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such wonderful family, friends and a boyfriend. I'm surrounded by blessings.

Thank you so much for letting me share these special life moments and lessons with you. I am forever thankful for your support! Love, love, love!

Like Petal, Like Flame

The title above is taken from someone's blog, someone that I met last night. It's Ana!! 

And today's her birthday, so last night wasn't just a meetup, it's a birthday celebration in advance. ^^ 

She's an awesome person. We talked about many things, including boys..you know, like the normal girl talk. :p Most part of the conversation was about knowing and getting into each other, because it was the 1st time that we meet in person. But from the way we talked, it's like we've been known each other forever. 

You see, this is the power of blogging. You don't just follow others' blog and hope to be followed back or to get more followers, you follow the blogs because you want to know the authors and hope to be their friend. That's what we should do in life, meet new people and learn. Who knows if the blogger you've followed would become your best friend someday. Like me and Ana. ;) 

And it's really sweet to know Ana, I'm glad to have her as a friend. We're looking forward to see each other again next time. Happy birthday, Ana. ^^

Shaiful Nazri :)

This man is turning 23 on January 3, 2013. I just called him "old man". Heeee....

But, no matter how old you are, Ifo, I'll always love you like I loved you before, like I love you now, and like I love you in future. Being in love with you has been such a beautiful part of my life. I wish you all the best in life. May Allah bless you always. 

Happy birthday, Shaiful Nazri. 

Happy birthday Ifo my love. :)

From Cakes to Hinava

Hey loves! ^^

I can barely dedicate myself consistently on blogging nowadays. I don't know, but I'm not as avid as before. I miss writing down my thoughts and turning them into poetry. Even my reading routine has slowed down. I've stopped observing the finest things around me and been chasing the time. Perhaps I gotta stay this way for a while, for my final year sake..thesis and all. Huhu....

Anyway, here's a little recap of my birthday. Heee...

Zillion thanks to everyone for the wishes; through messages, calls, Fb posts, tweets, Instagram, and blogs. I appreciate all of them that meant a lot to me. It's the most memorable birthday so far (despite the age), because I celebrated it with my housemates this year. Since my brother gave me 2 pieces of Secret Recipe's cakes as a gift that night; chocolate cake and durian cheese cake, so my housemates decided to throw a mini party. They sang a birthday song so loud the people next door could hear it. 

double two XD

thanks, bro!

We had no cake candles, but they insisted me to blow a scented candle instead. Better than nothing, they said. So I blew it, for the 1st time since..I don't know, forever? :p We didn't take any pictures as we're all in Pj's. Lol. Well, in a way, it's wonderful.

Another thing that kept me smiling all day was this:

Thank you, Google! ^^

At least there's something to be remembered and make me smile whenever I recall it. On the other side, I'm trying to give a complete commitment and attention to my final year study. Beside thesis, I'm also attached on product development as one of requirements of my course. So me and my team are currently working on a development of soy pancakes. Yeah it sounds simple, but actually it's not that easy as we have to replace the main ingredients with soy; soy milk, black soy flour (we made it ourselves), soy oil, 

Me and Stacy

Hinava seaweed pizza

The difficult part is to stabilize the amount of each ingredient to create a yummy taste. So we've made a lot of try-and-errors so far. Tiring, but it's fun. I've also got to taste other teams' product such as fish patties, potato balls, sweet potato crackers, hinava seaweed pizza (my favorite), and chicken cake. This is what we do in food tech, mixing and matching while keeping the nutritional value. Heeee...

22 Things About Turning 22

On 3rd October 2012, I will be 22. And this is how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about it:

1. After 21 is getting older, and 21 seems the last good milestone I'll ever have.


2. This is my final year of degree and I'm ECSTATIC. I'll get the certificate roll and be throwing my graduation cap in the air. I'll be free as a bird.


3. But I've got thesis to be done before graduating. Then I have to find a job after graduating. Oh!


4. I need to travel now that I'm 22. I probably won't be able to travel much when I'm 32 because I'll be working a steady job at that time. Plus the best time to be wanderlusting is in your early 20's. Whatever, travel at 22, you'll be less tired.


5. I'm probably going to have to pick out some direction in my life and pursue it.  At the very least, I must really ask myself: What do you want right now? What are you going to want for the next 5 years? Can't use Google for this.


6. Should I have a big party? A small party? A no-party because I think 22 is an irrelevant age to celebrate? :p

7. I'm Asian so it wouldn't matter even if this year I was turning 32. I won't look that different. Besides, I'm small. :p


8. I'd really really really really like to get my foot in the door at some great company and start a career path I'd enjoy. I still wanna be a writer actually. I wanna be one of the writers of Cleo mag, or any famous mags.


9. I'm getting older. My parents are getting older. I just, for some reason, want to be around them all the time because of this.


10. I'm progressing toward adulthood and need to let go of habits that die hard. I need to change.


11. Speaking of change, thankfully, part of me have changed into something positive. I'm happier. You know what I mean. ;)


12. I need to exercise.


13. The dark circles under my eyes..is that a product of staying up until dawn studying and blogging and tweeting, or is it a product of progressing in years? Oh my!

14. I'm older, but not that much wiser. Damn it.


15. Financial security, I have to start saving up money and setting serious financial goals. Furthermore, I have to be completely independent of my parents financially. And I want an iPhone 5.


16. I wish I were extremely wealthy. Or my parents had their own corporate empire that I could take over later on. You know, real security in the form of money you didn't earn yourself. I know a lot of people like this, and I have to say your life is awesome. But I'm thankful for what I have now. :)


17. At some point, I may have to edit this blog, take down my Facebook, etc. I can't say that at 22 I'm okay to say whatever I want anymore, even if my "freedom of speech" is protected...

18. Getting engaged. Kidding. :p I just wanna say that I'm glad for having Ifo in my life. I love him and he loves me back. :))


19. I'm also really glad my best friends at 22 are the same ones from when I was 9.


20. I'm kind of scared of the future, but I'm glad it's happening at the same time. I was ready to move forward.


21. Thanks God for giving me time to live and survive, and enough time for me to change. Alhamdulillah.


22. I can't wait to see what's next. I hope it's awesome. I think it will be.

^^