Moving On Without Letting Go

My contract as a substitute teacher has come to an end. It was a bittersweet farewell.

Letting go of people and places I love has never been easy for me. In fact, it's always been one of my biggest challenges. I've just never understood how you're supposed to be able to say goodbye to someplace or someone you love or have loved with every piece of yourself. I know, of course, that it isn't possible to hold on to everything you've ever cared about, but that's never quite stopped me from trying. 

It's just that I tend to think of my life in chapters and it isn't as if you keep reading and just forget what happened on the previous page. No. You hold on to every important character and setting from the beginning of the story because you just know that in some later chapter there'll be some epiphany and you'll better understand their significance. You never forget about those first people or moments because they're the undercurrent of everything to come. 

So maybe it's not really about "letting go" at all. Maybe it's about acknowledging who, what and where you've loved and appreciating that they've led you to the page you're on now. Maybe it's not about forgetting, but about letting those people and places nestle themselves in some corner of your heart so that down the line, when you encounter that climactic scene that gives meaning to the entire story, you can smile to yourself as you realize that it's them who brought you here, to this place, to this person you've become. 

The school..it's the same school I went in 2003 until 2007. As someone who gets, well, more than a little nostalgic for the places I love, I've kept my distance from it since college. That school's at the center of so many of my most special memories, and I thought it'd be best to rip off the band-aid and never look back. A quick, clean goodbye. Turns out, that wasn't the case. I returned as a teacher and I got attached again. 

How refreshing, and what a relief, not to ache for what you used to have and where you used to be. It's taken me a long, long time to learn that you don't have to miss something to make it mean something. A place or a person can be important to you without pining for it, and moving on, it doesn't have to be dismissive. There are different shades of letting go. 

I miss my students and fellow teachers. Thanks for the memories. See you again next time!

It's Okay to be Messy

I'm guilty of wearing masks. Specifically, the lovely, I've got it all figured out.

It's easier to slap on a smile, put up a pretty photo, write a few words, and be done. Easy to blog a session or write about what's good, instead of what's hard. Easy to put on a face and skim the surface instead of being real and honest and raw. Easy to make it seem like my life's less than messy, more like a picture perfect magazine rather than being filled with grittiness and real things like staying up too late working and getting behind on deadlines and being insecure.

I want to be honest and real. I don't want to appear like I have it all together or because I'm doing so and so, I'm somehow "better" or "cooler" or "more professional." or I've somehow reached "that point" (whatever it is, it doesn't really exist), where I've got it all figured out. Because that's so far from the truth. :)

So. Here's the truth...

I still get nervous before every session.

I care too much what people think and struggle with my identity.

I fear I don't measure up.

I focus on my fears instead of resting in God's truth and promises.

I get stuck between pushing myself and being proud of myself.

I have trouble believing in myself.

I feel like I'm faking it and won't ever make it.

I struggle with punctuality and diligence every single day.

But there's grace in the midst of those real things. And I don't have it all together. Not by a long shot. But I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm learning to let go of my perfectionism and to be confident in the gifts I've been given and use them to the best of my abilities...that doesn't mean I get a free pass to beat myself up if I "mess up" or don't meet my own expectations. There's a difference between pushing ourselves to be better and ignoring the strengths and gifts we do have, because we fear we don't measure up.

And I fear I don't measure up all the time. Because of my age. Because of where I'm at. Because I can't drive yet. Because I don't have ____ or ____(whatever it may be). Because I did or didn't receive this many comments (yes, even silly things like that). Because I'm not a permanent teacher. Because I don't work out everyday or eat totally green and on and on.

But none of that matters. That's not where my identity lies. I can find joy and I can find who I am in the things of this world or I can embrace who I am in this beautifully messy life I've been given.

Here's the deal. It's easy to reach a certain point and think that we've got it made. Whatever it is..that we'll be good. That all our insecurities and fears will go away and somehow we'll live in this overwhelming confidence. And those things are not necessarily bad..in fact, they can be really good! But when we start basing our identity in where we're at instead of who we are, then we lose the heart behind what we do and who we truly are.

I struggle with my identity. I get nervous around other teachers and students, bloggers, and well, sometimes just people in general. I'm afraid that I don't measure up. I worry about whether people will like me and I put too much stock in what other people's opinions of me are, instead of being confident in who I am. And it's an everyday choice for me to focus not on what the world says, but what God says. That I don't have it all together and that's okay. I don't have to be perfect. It's okay to be messy.

Quick Update

Hey, everyone. It's been a crazy month. I joined a camp for 3 days at Manis Manis Nature Resort, became a facilitator, my team won The Best Team award, I got to meet new friends, got to know my students and other teachers closer and we had so much. It was awesome, despite the fact that I can't sleep at nights because I heard things..well, you know, the place's haunted. I came home with bruises all over my legs. Damn you, ghost. Lol. 

the winning team

Then I went to Kuala Lumpur and stayed there for a week. It's a sudden trip, so unplanned. I was actually sending my cousin off as he got a job at KLIA as an immigration officer, and at the same time being his companion to adapt in a new place, and looking for house/room to rent. We grew up together, we're like brother and sister, so I can't just let him do everything all by himself. Yes, he's grown-up, but he's always like a little brother to me and I care about him. Plus he'll be away for a long time and we can't see each other often, so it's the only chance for me to give what I can as a sister. 

with my cousin and his friend

And recently I had a brief catch up with my friends after a month. Ah I missed them so much. We went to beach, ate the newly trending ice cream in vase and watched a beautiful sunset. 

Wait, did I mention that I'm teaching again? Ah yes, but my previous contract has ended and for now I'm just staying at home, waiting for a call from school officer to renew my contract. I sound like a freelance teacher, huh. Well, it's fun somehow. Unlike regular teachers, up to this day I've taught more than 2 subjects; Maths, Science, English, Music, Visual Art, ICT, Technical Skills, and Geography. Lol. 

So that's all for now. Till next time. ^^

The Joy of Choosing

Lately I've been thinking a lot about balance. I've been thinking about moderation and stability, about pushing hard but knowing when it's time to pull back. All too often I find myself in a "go, go, go" frame of mind that I'll maintain just as long as I can, usually until I burn out or get sick or someone tells me that I need to dial it back. That I need to breathe. All too often I'm 10 steps ahead of the present, my mind lingering somewhere in the future until I realize that the here and now is passing me by.

In reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, this idea struck me: One of the hardest things about being an adult is realizing that while you can do anything you want, you can't do everything you want.

This, I think, is one of the things I've struggled with most. I've always wanted to be out there, somewhere, to write, to be a children's book author, to design shoes, to name crayons, to teach, to act. And yet, I was forced to choose..to pick one dream from the giant pool I'd been collecting for years. Decisions, truthfully, have never been my strong suit. I crave the security of a black-and-white choice, but at the end of the day, I tend to feel a bit more comfortable in the gray area.

Still, I chose writing. When faced with the potential of anything, when I had to choose something, I opted for writing. Language, words, stories..at the end of the day, I knew that's what would make me happiest. And part of growing up..a marker of maturity, I think..is accepting that there will be days when you say: What if?  But then there are days when you wake up and pinch yourself because you get to do one of those things. You get to see one of those dreams come true, and isn't that enough?

It is. It's more than enough. And it's in that epiphany in that gratitude where joy's found.

ps: Thanks for your feedback on my previous post! ^^

Everything has to Start Somewhere

I've been afraid to say it aloud (much less in print) but here it goes: I'm writing a story. Should I call it a novel? Yikes. I'm not sure yet. But I'm really writing this time. 

For whatever reason, I've felt too nervous to tell anybody. I've felt nervous, embarrassed, worried that I'll seem too bold or presumptuous or some other terrible, negative adjective. I need to mention it, though. I need to see how it feels when the whole thing becomes real.

See, there's been a cast of characters dancing around my brain for the past few months, and their story has slowly come into focus as I've opened myself up to the idea of actually writing it. But the truth is, I've been scared. Really, really scared. The idea of writing a novel carries its own weight, its own pressures and assumptions. What if I can't finish it like previous times? What if I do and it's no good? What if?

The what-if fears have been plaguing and paralyzing me forever, but hey, why not huh? So I don't finish. So it's terrible. So what.

As I slowly but surely move through this complicated story-writing business, I'd love to know: what's the best, most inspiring or helpful writing advice you've ever heard? If there's any?

You May Say I'm a Dreamer

Seeds and Journeys

The feeling you get in your stomach before stepping into a new place. You have to keep with the flow. You don't want to be the one that misses the first stair..smacks right into the door. Every step before you is carefully calculated, dreaded. To you at least. Everyone else seems to have it mastered..the art of stepping in, stepping up. You don't. Before you even try your mind's filled with terrifying scenarios you're convinced are about to come true. If only you could take the damn staircase, skip it all, including this dumb metaphor.

The hot mess of a metaphor I just tried to convey is my attempt at expressing how it feels to be among peers that are getting real jobs, marrying their loves, creating babies. They seemingly took off their cap and gowns after graduation and stepped right into the next phase of their lives. I applaud that. I envy that. I definitely didn't do that.

Instead, I feel like I'm merely an older version of the person I was 9 months ago when I received my degree. Nothing else has changed. Well, I teach again. Now at my former high school. It's really nostalgic being here because..well, I studied here for 5 years. So many memories..sweet and bitter. And I'm missing my friends. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'll be teaching again at different place in the future because it brings me more time to figure out what to do post-university. It brings me time, but it doesn't slow down anyone else's clocks.

Rather, I'm a million miles away, reading updates about others' first salary, how they got promoted to higher position in their company, how they got married, and how so-and-so. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay to take a different route, a different staircase. But it's hard to keep myself convinced daily. So instead, I'm just trying to convince myself that it's okay to feel scared, anxious..eager even. Some days all that matters is that you feel anything at all.

Even if you feel like writing a terrible, terrible metaphor for a blog post.

Anyway, I'd like to share something. Somebody told me that..what we don't realize is that you can have a life-changing encounter, travel to a place that causes a shift in your heart, can meet someone who changes you..you can go, do, read, see, watch, something, anything, that makes it just a little harder to breathe. And you think, yes! Here I go, from now on, life will be different. But the thing is, that experience isn't full-grown, it's just the seed. It's the beginning, not the road itself. That's the map that you use as a road mark, not the trail you'll walk. 

And it's up to you to decide to continue or retreat into routine and wonder why things didn't change. Too often we go through something revolutionary, good or bad, and then slip back into the normalcy of our day to day lives instead of choosing to do the hard work and tend to that seed. Then we finally take a step back and start asking ourselves why our life doesn't line up with our vision. How could that moment, the experience that mattered so intensely, seem not to have changed anything at all? That's the thing. You can have as many seeds but until you plant them, until you continually water them, until you die to self, choose to go through the process of growing..it's going to be a seed. What matters is what you do with it.

Nightly Rants

A Year 5 student came to me today, asking, "will you still teach us math next week?" I said no, that my job's done and their regular teacher's coming back. Then he looked down, took my hand and placed it on his forehead. He said, "thanks for being our teacher, I'm sorry for my mistakes, please pray for me so I can succeed in study" something like that. Then it hit me like a hammer. I said what I supposed to say, but the words can't seem get out straight because I was chocked up. It's overwhelming. I mean, you know, I was just an untrained substitute teacher and I didn't expect this kind gesture even from at least one student. 

Anyway, as far as I know, he's the quietest boy in class, never joined Q&A session, never asked me anything about math, but it's okay because he always did well. Such a good, good boy. When I was his age I never went in person to see teachers saying thanks or sorry. Just sneaking into teachers' room to place simple cards on my favorite teachers' desk a day before Teacher's Day.

Why am I not teaching them anymore next week, you ask? Well, my contract with the school has ended. I might come back substituting another absent teacher who teach different subject, or I might not. I don't know.. It's just, I've received a new offer in writing for a magazine (the perks of being a freelance writer: you'll get many offers ^^) so I guess I want to focus on this. I'm not gonna blow it away like I did to Zalora (big regret!). Apart from that, taking master's program seems tempting. You see, when you can't find a fix job, go to college again. Oh all of a sudden I want to do so many things as if I had all the time in the world. So what, go for it, you may say. Hmm..easy said than done. I can't multitask, and when I do, it'd be catastrophic.  

Please, dear loves, whoever you are, wish me luck..

Musings of a Math Teacher

Well, holiday is coming to an end, and I'll be going back to school as a math teacher. It's been a great holiday; I had a really great time with Ifo and my friends, watched an awesome movie (Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Seriously, you gotta watch it. It's brilliant!), rewarded myself with some fancy stuffs, etc. I also spent this holiday doing homework: checking math papers. I'm so glad I almost cry that most of my students pass the test, I mean, my effort paid off eventually. There's still a few students who don't get good scores, but it's not the end of the world though because I'm sure they can do better next time. So I showed it to my mom, the scores, as she's cooking dinner and she said what a great job I had done with them.

Truth is, even though I'm just a substitute teacher, but I get to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, just like other teachers. Each day, 90% of it is wonderful. I get to make a difference in kids' lives. I get to make them think about problems and ask questions. I get to encourage them and make them feel good about themselves. I get to challenge them and make them see others' points of view. For some, I get to be the person in their life who actually cares. I get to be one of the teachers who makes them change their opinion of math and to help them see how enjoyable it can be. Not every kid is going to be a math genius, but every kid should feel some kind of success every day in math class. That could range from being able to solve a two-step equation to simply being able to finally remember that three times four is twelve.

Then there's the other 10% of the day. This part of the pie-graph includes parents who don't believe me when I tell them that their kid misbehaved. It includes watching kids bully each other and knowing that sending the bullies to the principal is probably just going to make it worse. This part would include the kids who don't bring a pencil and a book to class because they honestly can't afford one. A fraction would be homework with just answers, and no work shown. A small percent would be dedicated to not having any time to actually create lessons during my planning time because I have a meeting about school activities. 

It has been a really nice break, but I'm beginning to actually picture the math that I taught my students flying out of their heads. Lol. I hope it's not true. 

Hey Monday

It's gonna be Monday. And it could mean 2 things: a bad ending to a good weekend or a bad start to another week.

If you're like me at all, maybe you'd snooze the alarm 6 times before jumping out of bed in hurry because you're dangerously close to being late to work. Maybe you'd run around the kitchen trying to find an instant breakfast while filling water bottle. Maybe Monday means a heavy sigh for all of the things you didn't get accomplished over the weekend, or a countdown of hours left until Tuesday. Maybe you give up on the day before it even starts. or you wish it were a different day.

And it can be, you know. You'd want your Mondays to be more than a complaint, more than a collection of all the things that can go wrong in 24 hours. Days are all about perspective. This Monday is an opportunity to start being grateful for the days you're given, regardless of how they turn out. 

Tomorrow's a brand new day. A thank you that you woke up. A smile because you slept on a comfortable bed. A grateful heart that you have a job. A deep breath of fresh air.  A celebration of another chance to do it better. An opportunity to try harder in all of your endeavors. A privilege that you have a cell phone, home, food, health, clean clothes, education, etc. 

Start off your week by making a decision to make the most out of what comes your way. Decide to let go of those things that aren't good for your soul. Wake up and put a smile on your face. Stop waiting for the perfect moment and start doing it now. Send someone a thoughtful text to start their day off right. Turn down every opportunity of anger and frustration. Do something now so that you don't have to do it later. Express gratitude and notice the beauty. Be kind to yourself. Embrace the day.

Mondays are beginnings and the best part about beginnings is that you get to write the story. Let's not hate on Monday. Have a great week ahead. :)

Time and Priorities

I've started a job as a substitute teacher since 2 weeks ago at the same school that I worked for last year. It's February now and the school's getting busier with lots of activities, plus there's diagnostic test for Year 6 that made me take extra hours at school to do statistics, which, holy moly, was such a tedious work. You know a teacher's job is more than teaching. At night, I study. Yep, you read that correctly. I need to re-study mathematics because I ain't really good at it even the Year 6's maths and you wouldn't wanna be a loser in front of the kids. :p

I've been thinking a lot about the value of time lately. I chatted with a friend who regularly writes out "priority lists." Every so often, she'll make a list of her top priorities, in order, and see if she's allowing enough time for what's most important. Interesting, huh? I try not to overthink anything, to just write things as they came to me:

1. Health, both physical and emotional.

2. Strong relationships with family and friends.

3. Personal and professional growth.

4. The just-for-fun stuff.

Truth is, the lines can blur among the 4, but I try to identify specifics within each group. What do I do that makes me feel like my truest, healthiest self? There's the physical stuff, like gardening and cooking and running. But on the emotional side, there's also reading, writing..which also, of course, lead to personal growth. For strong relationships, I thought of dates and outings and phone calls and chats, and for the just-for-fun stuff, it's all about the internet, tv and movies.

A lot of it feels obvious, I know, but there's certainly something to be said for sitting back, evaluating what's important, and deciding whether your actions are in line with your priorities.

What do you think? Are you able to spend time on what's most meaningful to you?

Have a great week. :)

Week of Celebration

It's been a great week!!

8th January marks the 24th birthday of a friend of mine and Ifo, Jasper Olsen Francis. As requested by his girlfriend, Fenny, who's currently working in peninsular, we threw a party for him. I probably know how it feels to be in long distant relationship, ones would want their partner to have a special moment on birthday even though they're away from each other. So we ordered cheese cake and celebrated at Tanjung Aru's SugarBun. It's not really a surprise party because we didn't have enough time to set it up. We gave Jasper a superhero mask as a gift, since he looks like Aaron Taylor-Johnson and we called him KickAss. It's not even a KickAss mask, but it still made him look like one. I think it's time to introduce The Baks members to you (I'll do this on each birthday). Jasper is a pharmacist, has been Ifo's friend since high school and I met him at matriculation. He's a very nice guy to hangout with, you can never be bored when he's around because he's very friendly and talkative. What we like about him is that he's an informative, adventurous, easy-going and open-minded person. He's someone that will always be there for friends in good and bad times. When you share your problems with him, he'd come up with the best advice and solutions. And he's multitalented; karate kid, pianist, athlete. We're glad to have him as a friend. :)

On Friday, me with Ifo and my sister went back to Papar to help preparing for tahlil feast that was held on the next day. Since we couldn't attend it, we came a day earlier to help in preparation. Ifo also gave some helps in the kitchen, he's good at it and I was glad that he got along very well with my relatives; aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors. They all love him. 

On 11th, I went to my best friend's wedding reception at Permai D'Valley Ratau. I'm genuinely happy that Rafizza's finally married to her Navy man, Lt Haffiz. We came quite late, so we missed the earlier sessions like Navy parade and some traditions, but it's okay as long as I can meet the bride and groom, see the happiness and took pictures together. There were 2 pelamin, one of them is the modern pelamin, prettily decorated in purple and white, matched the bride's purple dress. Then they changed into Dusun Lotud traditional costume to sit at the other pelamin. There's quite a vibe of Sabah on the reception, I guess they wanted to introduce Sabah to the groom's family as they're from West Malaysia. Congratulations to Rafizza and Lt Haffiz, I wish they live happily ever after. ^^

And I'm happy to announce that I got a new job, it's not like an official or day-to-day job, but as a freelance writer, I call it a job. I love it. Another web project is coming soon, it's not really a big thing but I'm gearing up. On top of that, I'll be starting a temporary job as substitute teacher again soon at a primary school. Well, this is the life of an unemployed 24-year-old lady. Blissfully content. 

happy birthday Jasper!

kickass!

Dusun Lotud traditional costume

congrats Rafizza and Lt Haffiz

Graduation Speech

So. No Fiction Friday today, just like last Friday. Those who have been waiting for the next chapter of Letting Go, I'm sorry..I'll try to continue next week. I hardly have time to write for the time being with convocation and stuff coming. Well, it's tomorrow, actually. Yay I'm graduating! So I don't have much to write at the moment, though I've got a lot in mind. I just wanna share this one..which will pretty much tell you how I really feel (though I'm neither the best student nor giving speech on graduation).

Agonizing Decision

Do you ever wonder how different your life could have been if you made a different decision? Or if you had the guts to walk away from something or someone that's causing you pain? Every day we're faced with decisions, choices and opportunities. Some we don't want to take, some we do. Some we have no choice in and some we couldn't make fast enough. 

Today I thought about all the wrong decisions I've ever made in my life and wondered if my life had been different if I didn't made them. The obvious answer would be yes of course. One of the decisions that I made and regretted was my degree course. Yep, I didn't like it. I even disliked it more when it led to another stupid decision that I made last June..which I never told anyone. No one knows about this, even my mom, my boyfriend, my best friend..so I'm gonna say it now.

I declined a job offer as one of editors at Zalora.

I came across your blog and I loved your honest and down-to-earth writing style. You also have great thought-provoking entries. Zalora is looking to collaborate eloquent and talented bloggers like yourself, and I was wondering if you would be keen on working with us. Do let me know if you are interested?

That's the 1st email I received in June 2013. I sent my resume enclosed with a sample of article. Few weeks later I was accepted and they required me to work at their HQ in KL. The excitement turned to sorrow. I had to decline it because I was in the middle of thesis and finishing degree which I couldn't turn down just like that. I made my own choice without discussing with anyone. I don't know why I did that, and so it's stupid. It is stupid now. That's the most agonizing decision I've ever made in my life. 

Every decision I've made or didn't make for that matter has all led me to where I am today. Where am I? Home. Unemployed. So the question that should be asked is "what have I learned?"

Well, the Zalora job might not be my rezeki after all. Someone else who's way braver and wiser deserves it. My life's a series of unfortunate events that have only made me stronger. Of course we never see it that way at the beginning but how does anyone know how something is going to end at the start, right?

I try to be grateful. That’s how strange life is, you have to take each day as it comes and try and always be grateful for the great things in your life. You should write a list of 10 things every morning of the things you're grateful for and see the rewards you're blessed with. Nobody can change the past and so we should take pride in learning from our mistakes and choosing to always live In the present. 

Spill My Guts

The time it takes to spill your guts, or perhaps the time it takes to summon the guts to tell your story, always differs from situation to situation. Either way, guts are involved and it's messy and makes you feel like your showing everyone your "insides" while everyone else shows their best "outsides." It's taken me a while to spill these particular guts of mine because in a way, I've been hoping for a different ending to this particular situation. And of course, I think it's okay to show the vulnerable parts of ourselves sometimes.

Well I don't remember when's the last time I wrote about my day-to-day life updates. What you guys see on my twitter or instagram..they're just on the surface. There's a lot going on beneath every tweet, every picture and every video. There's a month left until graduation day, where I'll meet my course mates again and telling updates about each other. Well, so far I don't have anything to prepare for the storytelling. 

I quit the job that I don't love and now I'm jobless. I've been sending resumes and browsing jobs everyday..and I'm still waiting. Actually I wouldn't really mind being unemployed until graduation if my parents didn't nag me about getting a job. Of course I wanna sit back, relax, be a couch potato and play with kitties everyday after 4 years of degree. But I can't just stay at home and convince my parents that my future will be alright. Plus they started to agitate me when the engagement and marriage stuffs came up. As much as I love the idea of that, I still need a job. I never thought that life after college could be this hard. I know I just gotta be strong, stay hopeful, keep believing and never stop praying. 

Things didn't work out because, well, greater things were in the works. It's so difficult while we're blind and hurting and don't know which way is up. But, if you have faith in anything, have faith in the fact that the universe has a beautiful way of straightening things out far better than we ever could. You may not see it today or tomorrow, but you will look back in a few years and be absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up and brought you somewhere wonderful, or where you always wanted to be. You will be grateful that things didn't work out the way you once wanted them to. - via

Who You Are

Someone once said to me, "don't ever stop writing. You would be numbing your soul. It's who you are."

Sometimes as we go through life trying to figure out which path to take next, we forget the things that make us happy and make us who we are. Some fall back in to a rut, some give up when things don't come easy to them, some lose hope when things don't happen over night and some take pain as a set back instead of over coming obstacles and pushing forward. 

When I think about what was said to me, I realized writing and expressing my thoughts and feelings is who I am and for a while I stopped expressing how I really felt. I got back in to that routine of just nodding along with life, I weren't really feeling, like my mind was split in two again.

Sometimes even at our happiest we're still affected by things that hurt us, like..you know, anything. It's over the past year that I've come to realize being strong isn't being fearless or switching off your emotions, it's expressing them and overcoming our boundaries and turning a negative situation in to something positive. We're so set on impressing other people that we forget who we really are. We adapt to what other people believe or likes or dislikes.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment"

Be true to who you are, and if you still haven't figured out who that is yet, look inside your heart, look to those around you that inspire you. Be someone who will aspire to be more like you one day. Be kind, be gracious. Look for signs from the universe and enjoy life. Be weird, be wonderful. Be yourself.  Life's too short to be somebody else, ya'll.

Always Be Sexy

Apart from Paramore's amazing performance on Teen Choice Awards, this was the part that I thought meant anything real, as far as useful stuff for young people to take away from the show as a whole. It's awesome to see someone like Ashton Kutcher speaking to teenagers in a way that seemed genuine and loving and without coming off condescending. So this is what he said:

"I  believe that opportunity looks a lot like work. When I was 13 I had my first job with Dad carrying shingles to the roof, and then I got a job washing dishes at a restaurant, and then I got a job in a grocery store deli, and then I got a job in a factory sweeping Cheerio dust of the ground. And I never had a job in my life that I was better than. I was always just lucky to have a job. And every job I had was a stepping stone to my next job, and I never quit my job until I had my next job. And so opportunities look a lot like work.

The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful and being generous. Everything else is crap. I promise you. It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don't buy it. Be smart. Be thoughtful and be generous.

Steve Jobs said when you grow up you tend to get told that world is the way that it is. Everything around us that we call life was made up of people that are no smarter than you. And you can build your own things and you can build your own life that other people can live in. So build a life, don't live one, find your opportunities and always be sexy."

What Teachers Make

Me Being a Teacher

I'm unofficially graduated. I barely have money and I need it so badly. So I signed up for a contract job at the district education office and guess what, I've got the job as a substitute teacher at a primary school, it's been 2 weeks already. So I teach English, Maths and Visual Arts for the pupils of Year 4 and 5. Yeah, I know, laugh all the way. Arts, huh? I can't even draw a tree properly. Lol. But surprisingly, I don't have to teach them how to draw or make DIYs, because they're really good at it. 

I once believed that I won't be a teacher because I can't teach people, I didn't know how to do it. But really, it's not that bad at all. Especially when they're much younger than you. Well, I have 11 nieces and nephews, so I don't really find it difficult in dealing with kids. So far I can keep the kids at school in check for the most part and I'm feeling confident in my ability to lead them. If I have to discipline a kid for bad behavior I don't even think twice. Modifying lesson plans also is not a problem. 

I think my strength has always been in being flexible and being able to adapt to whatever situations are thrown at me. This is helping me in the classroom. One of the perks of being a teacher is being exposed to the logic of young children. It's fascinating to watch them learn, think and talk, you know. Most children are so creative and imaginative and sometimes come up with the most profound or funny things to say. At the end of the day, this is what puts a smile on my face. I know I'm gonna miss them when the contract is over. I'm feeling good and that's all that matters to me now. I'm going to relish in this feeling that lately has been hard to come by. 

On Kindness

Roger Ebert (1942-2013) was the world’s most respected movie review guy and blogger. He's diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2002 and underwent several surgeries which left him without a lower jaw or the ability to speak. He found solace on the internet, where he applied his writing skills to the world of blogging. And the quote above was taken from Ebert’s autobiography which is being turned into a documentary.