Read Instead

Some days you just want to cuddle up on the couch, drink coffee and read a good book. You'd feel the difference when you start picking up books (real ones, with covers and spines) instead of phone at the end of a long day. You'd feel healthier, happier and smarter. Here's some titles I recommend for you that you might want to add into your reading list. Dig in. Enjoy. Happy reading! 

1. Classics are like vitamins, you should have them everyday:

Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl, Anne Frank

Their Eyes were Watching God, Zora N. Hurston 

Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl 

The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

The Book Thief, Markus Zusak

Wise Blood, Flannery O'Connor

Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky 

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

2. Books for bosses:

The Big Life, Ann Shoket

Safe People, Henry Cloud

Make it Happen, Lara Casey

Chasing Slow, Erin Loechner

3. Nonfiction I'll forever keep on my bookshelf:

Wild, Cheryl Strayed

Tiny, Beautiful Things, Cheryl Strayed

Eat, Pray, Love, Liz Gilbert

Always a Bridesmaid (for Hire), Jen Glantz

Modern Romance, Aziz Ansari 

Reclaiming Conversation, Sherry Turkle 

Love Does, Bob Goff  

Scary Close, Donald Miller 

The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion 

4. Fiction picks for 2017:

The Nightingale, Kristin Hannah

The Trespasser, Tana French 

Small Great Things, Jodi Picoult

See Me, Nicholas Sparks

The Wonder, Emma Donoghue

5. For the writer in you:

Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott 

On Writing, Stephen King  

Big Magic, Liz Gilbert 

6. A bunch of books featuring crazy chicks gone psycho:

Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn 

Sharp Objects, Gillian Flynn 

Good as Gone, Amy Gentry 

All the Missing Girls, Megan Miranda 

Swimming Lessons, Claire Fuller 

Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins 

The Woman in Cabin 10, Ruth Ware 

7. Books to grow you spiritually: 

Reclaim Your Heart, Yasmin Mogahed

Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller

Blue like Jazz, Donald Miller

Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster 

Run with the Horses, Eugene Peterson

8. On my docket for 2017: 

These are books that I've either never read or plan to read for a 2nd (or 5th) time in 2017. I can't speak for all of them since I don't know all the content yet but I compiled this list anyway.

Beloved, Toni Morrison 

The Fran Lebowitz Reader, Fran Lebowitz 

The Mothers, Britt Bennett 

Mad Girl's Love Song, Andrew Wilson 

The Color Purple, Alice Walker 

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou 

Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell

The Life you Keep Saying you Want

What's not to love about Elizabeth Gilbert? She's whip-smart and hilarious, sarcastic and self-deprecating in a way that's still self-loving. I adore her, admire everything about her. When I finished reading her book, I felt the same way I did after watching The Oprah Show: awestruck, energized, and ready to save the world or something.

Like most people, I first fell for her writing with Eat Pray Love, and her most recent book, Big Magic, has become a permanent fixture on my desk. She has said that Big Magic is her manifesto, and much of the weekend's workshop was shaped around the ideas her book lays out on creativity.

My notebook is full of scribbled phrases I jotted down as I read, but there was one line I didn't even need to write down. It stuck with me, and I honestly can't stop thinking about it.

"What are you willing to give up to have the life you keep saying you want?"

After Elizabeth asked the question, it sort of hung in the air, shifting the energy around me. She went on to explain the hardest part, that you don't just have to give up the things that are bad for you, or the things that are a waste of time. You have to give up some of the good things, too.

This is the part that really got me: the life you keep saying you want. It's so pointed, right? It forces you to compare the life you claim you want to the life you've actually created for yourself. What's different? What's not? How much are you willing to bend to make the two look more similar?

I'll leave you with that. Oh, and my favorite line from Big Magic, which is actually a line by Jack Gilbert, a poet: "We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure, but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world." 

Stubborn gladness. So perfect, right?

By Grace I'll Carry On

I read a book entitled Your Perfect Right. It's all about assertiveness and it's one of the very best things I've ever read. I suggest that all people everywhere read it..we'd all be much kinder and better if we did, hopefully. 

Here's the long and short of it: there's passive, there's assertive, and there's aggressive..and oh yeah, passive aggressive, which is umbrella-ed under the aggressive category. Assertiveness has to do with speaking honestly, in the moment, in a way that allows all parties to be heard. 

One of the things that really stuck with me is that in situations where you already know that no good will come from speaking up, to do so, is aggressive. This one bothered me. Because it felt somehow unfair. Because I wanted to be heard, darn it. But the thing is, in both professional and personal settings, sometimes whatever you might say, even if it's the most thought-out, reasonable thing in the world, may change nothing. And if that's the case, it's not worth saying in the first place. Some things are like drought season, all you can do is live through them and wait for the season to change. And if the season doesn't change, then it may be best to walk away or leave, with as much kindness as you can muster. Because as Drew Barrymore once said: endless love and constant boundaries. Which occasionally means the boundary becomes: walk away. With grace, walk away. 

I read something recently about letting grace be bigger than our mouths. That's what I'm grappling with right now. Grace. To assert my worth, to set some boundaries, and to do it with as much grace as I possibly can, which very often means not saying everything I want to. Or, in other words, shutting up. 

Because here's the thing about life: there are end-dates. People move out and friends grow apart and the season does pass. And sometimes a person gets on a plane and goes somewhere else entirely and life begins again and we do our best, even if it's a stumbling, stuttering attempt, we do our best.

The Joy of Choosing

Lately I've been thinking a lot about balance. I've been thinking about moderation and stability, about pushing hard but knowing when it's time to pull back. All too often I find myself in a "go, go, go" frame of mind that I'll maintain just as long as I can, usually until I burn out or get sick or someone tells me that I need to dial it back. That I need to breathe. All too often I'm 10 steps ahead of the present, my mind lingering somewhere in the future until I realize that the here and now is passing me by.

In reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, this idea struck me: One of the hardest things about being an adult is realizing that while you can do anything you want, you can't do everything you want.

This, I think, is one of the things I've struggled with most. I've always wanted to be out there, somewhere, to write, to be a children's book author, to design shoes, to name crayons, to teach, to act. And yet, I was forced to choose..to pick one dream from the giant pool I'd been collecting for years. Decisions, truthfully, have never been my strong suit. I crave the security of a black-and-white choice, but at the end of the day, I tend to feel a bit more comfortable in the gray area.

Still, I chose writing. When faced with the potential of anything, when I had to choose something, I opted for writing. Language, words, stories..at the end of the day, I knew that's what would make me happiest. And part of growing up..a marker of maturity, I think..is accepting that there will be days when you say: What if?  But then there are days when you wake up and pinch yourself because you get to do one of those things. You get to see one of those dreams come true, and isn't that enough?

It is. It's more than enough. And it's in that epiphany in that gratitude where joy's found.

ps: Thanks for your feedback on my previous post! ^^

Two Against the World

read my review in Goodreads

I began reading fiction in high school, I remember feeling that each book was an absolute revelation. Whether I was reading Jane Austen or Jodi Picoult or John Green, there had never been anything like it before in my life. The novel's novelty passes, of course. I'm 24 now. I've read so many books. 

But I've never seen anything quite like Eleanor & Park. Though I've wrote the review in Goodreads, I still want to blog about it. It's Rainbow Rowell's first novel for young adults which is a beautiful, haunting love story, but I've seen those. It's set in 1986, the year I hadn't born yet but I know there's bullying, sibling rivalry, salvation through music and comics, a monstrous stepparent, and I know, we've seen all this stuff. But you've never seen Eleanor & Park. Its observational precision and richness make for very special reading.

Eleanor is a chubby girl with bright red hair (kids on the bus call her Big Red) who has just returned to her home in Omaha, after being kicked out for a year and forced to stay with acquaintances. Every moment Eleanor is home is terrifying and claustrophobic. She shares a room with a mess of siblings and lives in constant fear of offending her abusive alcoholic stepfather, Richie. She's also poor, she can't afford a toothbrush or batteries for her Walkman.

Park is a half-Korean boy who's passably popular but separated from the larger social order of his school both by his race and by his passion for comic books and punk rock music. On the 1st day of school, Eleanor sits down next to him on the bus. Over time, she begins reading his comics over his shoulder. Then he lends them to her. They bond over music. Eventually, they begin holding hands on the rides to and from school.

The hand-holding, by the way, is intense. 

"Holding Eleanor's hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat."

Evocative sensual descriptions are everywhere in this novel, but they always feel true to the characters. Eleanor describes Park's trench coat as smelling "like Irish Spring and a little bit like potpourri and like something she couldn't describe any other way than boy." 

Park watches Eleanor's mouth so closely that he "could see that her lips had freckles, too." 

After Eleanor criticizes him for saying she looks nice, Park thinks: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something." 

Every romance has its obstacle: I have another boyfriend, my parents say we can't, you're a vampire and I,m not, etc... But the obstacle in Eleanor & Park is simply the world. The world can't stomach a relationship between a good-looking Korean and Big Red. The world can't allow Eleanor a boyfriend of any kind, because she's poor and fat and dresses funny. The world can't allow Park a girlfriend because he likes wearing eyeliner and everyone knows that's gay. The world's the obstacle, as it always is when you're 16 and truly in love. Park's parents serve as evidence that sometimes love conquers the world, and Eleanor's family is a reminder that sometimes it doesn't. As for Eleanor and Park.....well, I won't spoil it.

Early in the novel, Park’s English teacher asks him why Romeo and Juliet has survived 400 years. With Eleanor looking on, Park says: "Because people want to remember what it’s like to be young? And in love?" After a moment, he adds, "Is that right?"

It is.

Truth that Gives You Pause

In Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout, the character tells a young girl, "Don't be afraid of your hunger."

I was stunned. How insightful, how wonderfully true a statement. First, there's hunger as a state of being, and the idea that we shouldn't be afraid of our emptiness. It can also be understood, though, in terms of hungering for something, that we shouldn't fear our desires, our longings, our innermost appetites.

Either way, I'm struck by how wise and how poignant such a simple statement really is. Because all too often we find ourselves suppressing those cravings, those hopes and dreams that feel too big, or perhaps too small, compared to what we feel we should want. And there's just something so brave, so profoundly honest and brave, about embracing our hunger, in recognizing, accepting, and really feeling comfortable with our hunger.

After all, acknowledging our hunger is our only hope for someday satisfying it, right?

Happy fasting. :)

On My Bookshelf

With my new year's resolution to do more, I've basically turned it into a read-more situation. Ten Things I've Learnt About Love by Sarah Butler has completely blown me away. If I'm being honest, I bought the book for its cover, but the writing is poetic and surprising, each line is more poignant and insightful than the last. It's obvious that Sarah has a unique, artistic way of looking at the world, which comes through in the way she describes letters as colors and in the way she uses sharp, clever lists to open each chapter. I'm absolutely smitten with her work and altogether charmed.

I could go into the plot and all the smart nuances of the story, but for me, it's far more about the artistry of her writing and the feelings she evokes. I'm attached to the idea of place, to the way we build and create our own versions of "home" in the spaces and people we care about. Sarah echoed the same sort of idea in her thoughtful description of her book, calling it "an investigation of how and where we are at home; a way of asking whether we can feel at home without a physical house and vice versa; and a consideration of the role of family and relationships in making (or not making) a home."  Beautiful, right?

Anyway. You know how sometimes you feel like there's a line in a song or a book or a movie that's written just for you? And that if you're able to meet that writer or that musician for a cup of tea, surely you'd become the best of friends and talk about all the wonders of the world? Well, there were some lines for me in this book, and one that truly took me aback. Here's the line:

There are people in my situation who stick to the same place, who draw an invisible line around themselves and won't go outside of it, but I don't know where you are, so I keep moving.

Click here to read my review. ^^

Strong as the Wolf Pack

A wolf pack is like the Mafia. Everyone has a position in it. 

An alpha wolf is the leader of the pack. This is the mob boss, the brains of the outfit, the protector, the one who tells the other wolves where to go, when to hunt, what to hunt. The alpha is the decision maker, the capo di tutti capi, who, from 10 feet away, can hear the change of rhythm in a prey animal's heart rate. The alpha's actually far too valuable, as the decision maker, to put himself in harm's way.

Which is why in front of every alpha is a beta wolf, an enforcer. The beta rank is the bold, big thug who's pure aggression. He'll take you down before you get too close to the boss. He's completely expendable. If he gets himself killed, no one will really care, because there's always another brute to take his place.

Then there's the tester wolf, who's very wary and suspicious, who doesn't trust anyone he meets. He's always scouting for change, for something new, and he'll be hiding out at every corner to make sure that, when and if it happens, he's there to alert the alpha. His skittishness is integral to the safety of the pack. And he's the quality-control guy too. If someone in the pack doesn't seem to be pulling his weight, the tester will create a situation where the other wolf has to prove his mettle. Like picking a fight with the enforcer, for example. If that beta can't knock him to the ground, he doesn't deserve to be the beta wolf anymore.

The omega wolf was thought to be a scapegoat and at the bottom of the hierarchy, but he plays a key role in the pack. If 2 animals are fighting, the omega will jump between them and will clown around, until suddenly the 2 angry wolves have taken their emotions down a notch. Everyone gets on his job, and no one gets hurt. The omega holds the critical position of peacemaker. Without him the pack couldn't function; they'd be at a war with each other all the time. 

Say what you will about the Mafia, but it works because everyone has a specific role to play. They all do what they do for the greater good of the organization. They'd willingly die for each other. The other reason a wolf pack is like the Mafia? Because, for both groups, there's nothing more important than family

- I get this from Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult. It's an amazing story. You can read my review here. 

And I've also learned that there are 3 types of wolf howls: a rallying howl, which is a vocal beacon to bring back a missing member of the pack; a locating howl, which is like a voice message to give the placement of any pack that's in the area; and finally, a defensive howl, which is much deeper, and used to protect your territory. Amazing huh?

The Fangirl Moments

Today I didn't do much things and didn't go anywhere, was just staying at home, reading tweets and watching TV instead. But, it was a wonderful day and I'm very excited of these 2 things that came up today.

First off, I got to see 'NSYNC reuniting and performing live on stage on MTV VMA 2013 this morning. It was sooooo good to see them back together again. Really, it felt like the old times. I've always wanted my 90s back, that's the best era, you know. And it's absolutely the night for the President of Pop, Justin Timberlake. I loved it how he dove into a medley of his hits including SexyBack, Like I Love You, My Love and Cry Me A River, followed by a not-so-surprising performance of Girlfriend and Bye Bye Bye by ‘NSYNC. And that's where I screamed.

Congrats to Justin for winning The Video Vanguard Award, also known as the Lifetime Achievement Award, which is given to musicians who have made a profound effect on the MTV culture, something Justin has done so many times. It's touching when Justin dedicated his award to ‘NSYNC. Ironically, Britney Spears, his most famous ex, was the last artist to receive the award in 2011. Other winners include the Beastie Boys, Madonna and Janet Jackson. I'm so proud of my teenage crush. I love you, Justin. You'll always be my crush. :p

Annnnnndd second off, oh gosh, I don't know how to put this into words. Well, I actually know. Okay here we go: THE FAULT IN OUR STARS IS NOW A MOVIE! Have you read the book? No? How could you not read the awesome book? Dude, you gotta get the book now and read it. Don't wait till the movie comes out to know the story, it'll be less fun. 

It's written by deary John Green, who was just posting a picture of the set of the film via Instagram. And I am so psyched! So the film will be casting by Ansel Elgort (newcomer, I guess) and Shailene Woodley (played Alex in The Descendants). Oh gosh! It's like a dream come true. I did wish that the book will be filmed someday. I can't believe it's happening. Finally..Hazel Grace, Gus, phalanxifor, An Imperial Affliction, etc..are now real. You'd know what I'm talking about if you read the book. :p

By the way, click here to read my review of the book: Aemy's Review on The Fault In Our Stars.

The Fringe Benefits of Failure

Love and Misadventure

Her Words

Love a girl who writes,
and live her many lives;
you have yet to find her,
beneath her words of guise.

Kiss her blue inked fingers,
forgive the pens they marked.
The stain of your lips upon her-
the one she can't discard.

Forget her tattered memories,
or the pages other took;
you are her ever after-
the hero of her book.

- Lang Leav

The poem above is taken from Love and Misadventure, a book of poems beautifully and solely written by Lang Leav. I really adore her enchanting works that swing between the whimsical and woeful, expressing a complexity beneath the child-like facade. She's my idol and inspiration. Her imagination stretches across a variety of disciplines encompassing art, poetry and books. And the book, Love and Misadventure, is all I've ever wanted. Unfortunately I haven't seen it in any bookstores yet. I hope it'll come here faster and be mine. 

p.s: I'll post Lang Leav's pieces on every Saturday. :)

Our Little Infinity

I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.

- The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, page 260

p.s: My another favorite page ever. 

A Shout into a Void

 "..I am in the mood of poetry. Do you have anything memorize?"
 
  "Let us go then, you and I," I started nervously, "When the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table."

  "Slower," he said.

  I felt bashful, like I had when I'd first told him of An Imperial Affliction.
  "Um, okay. Okay.
   Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
   The muttering retreats
   Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels,
   And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
   Streets that follow like a tedious argument
   Of insidious intent
   To lead you to an overwhelming question...
   Oh do not ask, 'What is it?'
   Let us go and make our visit."

  "I'm in love with you," he said quietly.

  "Augustus," I said.

  "I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into a void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

 - The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, page 153.

p.s: This is my favorite page ever. 



 

Won't Lose Each Other

Hey hey, it's been a long time! In the past several days, I sat down and got nothing. I didn't feel any blogging vibes coming to me. So I didn't. Instead I closed the dashboard page and faced my life head on. But now, I have it back and my fingers are buzzing. 2 months to go til I finish my degree and and there will be the time when possibilities are blooming and options are endless. How exciting, huh?

Oh very much so. For me, it's terrifying somehow. Knowing that worrying doesn't change an ounce of the intended outcome or fate, doesn't change the fact that I'll still worry. About every detail. Every unknown. Every little thing there is to worry about; being 23, finishing degree, still hanging in the middle of thesis, juggling between assignments and tests, thinking of looking for career opportunities soon, budgeting and saving...

"Worrying won't change anything"

You could smash that fact into my thick skull all day long and I'd still wake up at least once a week itching and sweating from stresses that mulled their way into my brain even at the off-hours. But this is nothing new. It has been the dragon I've been trying to slay my whole life. Now I'm just gonna try and keep this dragon at bay each day. 

In the meantime, I'm gonna spend some times on the wonderful, worry-free things. Like, today, I had a movie date with Ifo. We watched The Host (..amazing story in book, but a bit off in film, I prefer reading the book instead. It's still a great story though, one of the most unusual love triangles. Go watch it.), ate at Secret Recipe and chilled out at KK's seaside. It's nice to finally see the world and get away from books, papers and apparatus. Huhu. Till next post (I hope so..).

from The Host

P.S: I'll try to blogwalk after this.

Memories on A Shelf

I was cleaning my bedroom the other day. I de-dustified and de-moldified (do these words exist?) every corner of the room. Certainly, part of my spring cleaning was devoted to my bookshelves. I took out all the books, cleaned the shelf, wiped off the dust, rearranged in alphabetical order by author, and put books that were kept in stacks on the floor back onto the bookshelf. I never even considered getting rid of my books.

In most areas of my life, I adhere to the idea that less is more. But when it comes to books, more means more. I love seeing a bookshelf overflowing with stories. There's a few that were given by people on my birthdays, as souvenirs and by swapping. And there's also some old Reader's Digest mags, mags that I grabbed from airplane, and reference books that I was unable to sell. Maybe it's time to let go of those. I've gotten rid of books before, but it's always with a bit of sadness and paralyzing thought like, "what if I need it?”. You see, it's the what-ifs thingy again. :p

While I was spring cleaning the shelves, I found my old notebooks from matriculation college and 1st year of degree.

books of memories :)

 I used to write lecture notes on them, which I barely read. And there are some poems and random words in middle pages that I can't even remember writing. What was I? Cold-hearted emo girl? :p And then on the other pages, some kind of drawings are nicely embedded next to the notes. I must be really bored during lecture, but how did I become so creative? Lol. 

being Picasso during lecture :p

I got a little pang of nostalgia when I read some notes that my friends wrote on a farewell night back when we're in matriculation college. Gosh, it's been 4 years we don't meet each other. Those are one of the best memories. ^^

some of the notes from my friend. I miss them so much..

And....a sweet graffiti that Ifo left in my notebook. I think it's 3 years ago. I can't believe that I almost forgot having this one. Heeeee....

I love you too 

The Love we Deserve

We accept the love we think we deserve.

That's a quote from a book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (by Stephen Chbosky), which was really good. It's a beautiful story of a troubled boy who finds hope in a seamlessly hopeless world. I know the movie's coming out, but I recommend you to read the book first. This entry is not about the book by the way, since I've already wrote the review before. Instead, I'd like to talk about the quotes.

I was inspired to write this after having a "YOLO" conversation with a friend yesterday.  

Well, sometimes giving someone your everything doesn’t seem like enough. That's why there questions like, why hasn’t this been working? Why do some stay in unhealthy relationships? Why do some reject those who love them? Why are some so lucky? 

The truth is, we accept the love we think we deserve.

The way we're treated is dictated by ourselves, not others. If you don’t think you deserve to be treated the way you are, the only thing keeping you from walking away is yourself. We’re sad when we think we have the right to be sad. We’re angry when we think we have the right to be angry. So why don’t we love when we think we have the right to be loved?

There's no handcuff of silence. It’s okay to forgive and admit you're wrong. But it’s also okay to leave, walk away from the emotional abuse of that relationship, and don’t settle because you don’t think you can do better. We're imperfect beings. But our imperfections are neither reasons to stay nor leave. We can always do better for others and for ourselves. Your choice is whether the trials pave a road worth traveling.

Allow those around you to love you and love those who surround you. Don’t settle for less and don’t cut yourself short. Because at the end of the day, the love we accept is the love we think we deserve.

I love you. ;)