5 Years and Counting

Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you..
- Train, Marry Me

The thing about love is that you find a way. It's funny the way things look different when you're in love, the moments are clearer and crisp, but it's the absence of love that makes you notice. I know 6 things about love: 1) it'll make you a better person, 2) it's simple, 3) the more you give, the more you have, 4) it's constant, 5) it can be everything you've hoped for, and 6) it must start with yourself.

I don't know if the world provides us with soulmates, but what I do know is that there's someone I'd pick every time. :)

This man right here, I owe him the world. He has shown me how great it can be to love someone, and how important it is to love and accept myself. He has taught me how to be comfortable in my skin and how to let go of my anger. He has proven to me that there's someone who will love the darkest, scariest parts of you. I've spent 5 years getting to know this beautiful soul as well as to know myself. Within those years we've had some barriers between us, some rough patches, but we're still into each other. I'm so lucky and so blessed to have been given such an amazing and loving man. I thank God every day for sending me such a perfect addition to my life. With him, my weird feels normal and that's all I can ever ask for. 

And today marks our 5th anniversary. Happy anniversary, dearest Ifo. I love you, always have and always will. :)

Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.

A Cure for Restlessness

I remember coming back from a road trip few years ago has left me with a sense of restlessness. It's always hard to go from being in absolute adventure, full of new words and people, to something routine. But it's all about perspective. Throwback moment that I had recently brought my thoughts back to when I was lost in the middle of the town. But it's nice, so I stopped and recalled my childhood moments. Because it's the place I grew up in. There's so much of it I've yet to see. My former life, and yet, that little block I'd never registered in my memory. Or maybe, moving away is what it took for me to notice those things. It's as if you have to leave in order to come home and see what's really there. I have a soul that's always longing to wander. I can't stay indoor even for a week, I'm the kind of person that always wants to be somewhere else. However, I'm still in a season of transition, a time of learning, growing and preparation. I'm not sure what for exactly, but I just know that this is a vital time during which is so important for me to be patient and learn what fuels my soul.

So far I've learned the these, cure for restlessness:

• Tea. Even if you have to microwave the water because you don't have a kettle..

• Books. All kinds. All topics. All the books.

• How I Met Your Mother. Or whatever happens to be your TV fix as of late. Every night as you fall asleep.

• Gratitude. And expressing it.

• Writing letters or postcards. The good, old-fashioned, stick a stamp on it, push it through the mail slot kind.

• Water. Lots.

• Music. As often as you can. As loud as plausible. Singing along.

..and anything nice and easy.

The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.
- C. Joybell C.

Sciences Sing a Lullaby

Physics says: go to sleep. Of course you're tired. Every atom in you has been dancing the shimmy in silver shoes nonstop from mitosis to now. Quit tapping your feet. They'll dance inside themselves without you. Go to sleep.

Geology says: it will be all right. Slowly inch by inch your country is giving itself to the ocean. Go to sleep. Let darkness lap at your sides. Give darkness an inch. You aren't alone. All of the continents used to be one body. You aren't alone. Go to sleep.

Astronomy says: the sun will rise tomorrow.

Zoology says: on rainbow-fish and lithe gazelle.

Psychology says: but first it has to be night, so..

Biology says: the body-clocks are stopped all over town and..

History says: here are the blankets, layer on layer, down and down.

- Albert Goldbarth

Right to Leave

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can't destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful. You have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.

Love Yourself, Kiddo

And kid, you've got to love yourself. You've got to wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You've got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You've got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you've got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought at the local grocery store. You've got to stop taking everything so damn personally. You're not the moon kissing the black sky. You've got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You've got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won't matter in 2 years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You've got to stop worrying about what you're going to tell her when she finds out. You've got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over 6 months ago. You've got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Love yourself, kiddo. You've got to love yourself.

via

On Kindness

Roger Ebert (1942-2013) was the world’s most respected movie review guy and blogger. He's diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2002 and underwent several surgeries which left him without a lower jaw or the ability to speak. He found solace on the internet, where he applied his writing skills to the world of blogging. And the quote above was taken from Ebert’s autobiography which is being turned into a documentary.

Stumble on Wondrous Thing

For indeed my life is a perpetual question mark – my thirst for books, my observations of people, all tend to satisfy a great, overwhelming desire to know, to understand, to find an answer to a million questions. And gradually the answers are revealed, many things are explained, and above all, many things are given names and described, and my restlessness is subdued. Then I become an exclamatory person, clapping my hands to the immense surprises the world holds for me, and falling from one ecstasy into another. I have the habit of peeping and prying and listening and seeking – passionate curiosity and expectation. But I have also the habit of being surprised, the habit of being filled with wonder and satisfaction each time I stumble on some wondrous thing.

Anaïs Nin

To Love

To love at all is to be vulnerable. 

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. 

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. 

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. 

Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 

But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. 

It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 

To love is to be vulnerable. 

C.S. Lewis

Don't let Life Kick You

p.s: Well, I'm not really at where I thought I'd be, but I know that I'm still young and it's never too late to catch those dreams. And what Chris Hadfield said is really inspiring. 

Thank You, Teacher

Dear all teachers from SK Bandar 1 Tawau, SK Pekan Papar, SMK Takis Papar, Labuan Matriculation College (LMC) and University Malaysia Sabah (UMS) that have taught me all subjects, wherever you are, and I don't know if you'd read this, I just wanna wish you guys a Happy Teacher's Day. Not to forget my friends who are doing the most honourable job as teachers and who are becoming teachers soon, Happy Teacher's Day to all of you. 

These are some of old pictures saved in my storage, pictures of unforgettable moments with my favorite teachers. 

Add Maths teacher, Mr Ban
- SMK Takis Papar, 2005-

Chemistry lecturer, Mdm Kharolrena
-LMC, 2008-

English (MUET) lecturer, Mr Mahid
-LMC, 2008-

Maths lecturer, Mr Syed
-LMC, 2008-

And I wish there were more photos with the rest, maybe I lost them somewhere in the hard disc, but never lost in my heart. Memory lasts forever. Thank you, teachers. ^^

The best teachers don't give you the answers. They just point the way and let you make your own choices, your own mistakes. That way you get all the glory. And you deserve it.
- Mr Schuester, Glee

Big, Big World

I thought I'd share part of my list of places I someday hope to visit:

Munich, Germany

Santorini, Greece

Verona, Italy

Prague, Czech Republic

New York, USA

Paris, France

I'm not sure what I'll do, but..well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

A Shout into a Void

 "..I am in the mood of poetry. Do you have anything memorize?"
 
  "Let us go then, you and I," I started nervously, "When the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table."

  "Slower," he said.

  I felt bashful, like I had when I'd first told him of An Imperial Affliction.
  "Um, okay. Okay.
   Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
   The muttering retreats
   Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels,
   And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
   Streets that follow like a tedious argument
   Of insidious intent
   To lead you to an overwhelming question...
   Oh do not ask, 'What is it?'
   Let us go and make our visit."

  "I'm in love with you," he said quietly.

  "Augustus," I said.

  "I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into a void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

 - The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, page 153.

p.s: This is my favorite page ever. 



 

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