Someday

I Value Class

I've been thinking about class; class in the sense of courtesy, virtue. Class as a noun, a quality to be possessed. Class is what I treasure most in a person. I don't necessarily mean "class" in some sort of elite sense, either. This isn't to say that I value manners and etiquette and sophistication above all. What I mean to say is that I value decency. Graciousness. Grace.

I value the sorts of people who are kind when no one's watching, who are honest about their own faults, who speak up for themselves when it's appropriate while maintaining respect for the person they're speaking to. I value people who are loyal and true, who selflessly build up other's successes and then easily, humbly, accept praise in return. People who are compassionate and considerate, people who remember to call on birthdays and random days, too, just because you're on their mind.

I value people with genuine civility, the ones who help the old lady at the grocery store and strike up a conversation with the cashier. The ones who see people as people. Who befriend their neighbor, their postman, their plumber, their best friend's sister's boyfriend's aunt. I value people who appreciate handwritten letters and phone calls, people who realize that some occasions call for something more than a text, something more than an email. Who send a song or a book or a cut-out article to somebody they care about because they just know that they'll appreciate it. I value people who can admit their mistakes and learn from them. People with the heart to forgive, with the guts to hold on, with the empathy to understand another person, or the willingness, even, to try.

Like I said: I value class. And I'm not perfect. No, far from it. I'm not always the person I wanna be; a person with tact and dignity and class. Sometimes I fail. But I can try, I can do my best. And I can hold the world to a higher standard, because I do think we have it in us. Don't you?

LAMAN: Back in Time

LAMAN is Malaysia's number one garden and landscape magazine. It's inspiring. As someone who resides in a garden made by my parents, I'm truly in love with this magazine as I could find all information about the world of plants and landscape in it. This magazine inspires us to create our dream garden. It's packed with dazzling images, informative tips and design ideas that are practical as well as beautiful. The recommendation of optional accessories and garden furniture by LAMAN magazine promises our gardens to be transformed into something more beautiful and exquisite. I'm glad to have this magazine because it contains everything I ever wanted to know about the world of garden art.

The March/April 2014 issue (49th edition) of LAMAN fascinates me with many great topics. The topic entitled "Gaya Hias: Kembalikan Nostalgia Itu" on page 20 is one of my favorites. It shows the idea of using antique things as decoration to create vintage style garden. It's about repurposing, upcycling and reusing old items. A vintage garden is the opposite of the modern way of living with consumption and throwing away used stuff. It's about preserving the old and beautiful and also a way of creating another way of life. It's just so wonderful to see how those antique and vintage pieces are preserved to continue the memories of days gone by in so many creative and wonderful ways. 

There are several suggested repurposed vintage items featured on the pages such as a bird in a cage, water in clay crock with a laddle made of coconut shell, old rubber machine, old trolley, stone mortar, millstone, old bicycle, old wheel, rattan coop, bell, carved wood, rattan fish trap, damaged fan, etc. Some people might see these things as rusty junks, but for some others who love vintage, these items are treasures. Gardening with antiques can add a lot of whimsy to any garden or even a front porch area.

My parents also love to use some old stuff for things they weren't really meant to be used for. So I show the pages to my mother, then she immediately gets the idea to make a vintage style in our garden. There's no ending to what can be used in a vintage garden. If one starts to look at things with new eyes, almost anything can be used. An aquarium can be transformed into a display item for example, like some small flower plants or cactus. We have some old trolleys, bicycles, shelves, tables, etc..I'm sure we can use them too and get a total different appearance. Everything can be of use, the only thing that can restrict your creativity is your imagination limits. :)

Thanks to LAMAN magazine for being such an inspiration.

Devastated

If I said things were going just peachy at the moment I think you could probably sense the fact that isn't true. Things are tough. Yes, I have a job I'm beyond thankful to have (even as a temp). Yes, I have family and friends that love me. Yes, I have a place to rest my head at night. I'm thankful.

But when your heart's broken and your mind's racing with anxieties, it's hard to take a minute to enjoy much of anything.

I think exhausting is too simple a word. 

My dream cracks.

I'm devastated. 

Inner Compass

I'm terrible at making decisions. The problem is that I see both sides. Of everything. Always. And this isn't even an exaggeration, either. It's true, I'm inevitably torn. So when big decisions roll around, the kind that can change my life course, alter my destiny, and quite possibly reshape life as I know it? Well, anxiety doesn't even cover it. I find myself making list, panicked and flustered as I weigh the pros and cons. 

"But what if... And then I could... How about I... But, but, but..."

..on and on, for as long as my mind can stand it, until I finally throw up my hands and say "okay, enough."

And when I reach that enough place, the breaking point where I decide that my sanity's seriously at stake, I realize that I simply have to choose. To choose based on my gut, on my heart, on that tiny little voice that finds the strength to whisper only when all hope feels lost. And then, after choosing, comes the really difficult part, the aftermath, the quiet hours when the weight of a decision can sink in.

That challenging aftermath is ongoing. It involves re-choosing day after day and accepting the fact that either way, no matter which path you'd picked, you'd have been forced to look back and wonder regardless. If you'd settled on A, you would have wondered about B. If you'd opted for B, you would suddenly remember A's appeal. Such is life. Such is choosing. And yet, how wonderful it is and how lucky we must feel for having a choice in the first place.