What I've Learned from my Husband

Sometimes you need to make sunshine a priority. Sometimes you need to set up a spontaneous picnic with friends just to soak up the daylight and yes, the laundry (and the groceries, and the dishes, and all those tv series) can wait until tomorrow.

Patience can solve just about anything.

It's important to take time for the people you care about most. Even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone or rearranging your schedule, those moments are worth it. They make you whole.

Happy music can do wonders for your mood. So can YouTube.

Cooking really isn't that hard, so don't be afraid to try something new. Plus, if you do mess up, who cares? There's always cereal. (Or takeout)

Most of the time, your stress is your own doing. Relax and take care of it, one to-do at a time.

People deserve 2nd chances, and sometimes a 3rd, too. Trust yourself. You'll know in your heart when it's time to step away from a relationship and move on.

Nothing beats rainy day, hot fish noodles, and a good movie.

It's possible to wake up happy every single day. It's possible for cool, calm, and collected to be your version of autopilot on a daily basis. (He's like that. Seriously.)

Before you ask for help, try to do it on your own. You may just surprise yourself.

Silly faces and ridiculous dance are a crucial part of life. Let loose. Acting childish every once in a while is good for the spirit.

When you're good at your core, really, truly, honestly good, love comes easy.

Trust and empathy are important, but relationships are really built on the little things. Don't overlook the smaller moments, the tiny ways in which you relate and react to each other. Flirt, laugh, stay up late talking about anything and everything, and never forget to show how grateful you are.

The Vow

On 16th July 2016, I got married to a wonderful man, Ifo, whom I've dated for 8 years. It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I swear I can never forget the solemnization moment and when he read his wedding vows. There were also some unforgettable moments that make me smile every time I think about them:

1. Waking up to text messages from my long distance friends wishing a "Happy Wedding Day".

2. All the flower girls and bridesmaid eating cupcakes while getting ready.

3. Stepping into my giant white dress, all the girls around me.

4. The silence, and the sound of my dress rustling against the floor as I approached Ifo for our first look. And how he smiled at me.

5. Scanning the crowd and feeling, in the most surreal way, buoyed by our friends and family.

6. Again, the wedding vows, which was my cue to cry.

7.  My veil slipping off as we made our way to the feast, delirious with joy, and Ifo catching the veil as it fell. The most perfect imperfection.

8. The biggest, best hug fest in the entire world as everyone came to congratulate us.

9. Slipping away with Ifo to take pictures, and the look of sheer amazement on his face as he whispered, "Alhamdulillah, finally..."

10. Cutting the chocolate cake coated with mint green fondant specially made by my sister.

11. Everybody's having fun with karaoke and some others were waiting turn to sing.

12.  My adorable nieces and nephews twirling across the dance floor, giddy and tired.

13. Friends and family dishing out all kinds of emotional, slurred, perfect "we love yous".

14. Hanging out with Ifo under the canopy while eating leftovers after everybody's leaving, feeling tired, happy and thankful.

And so...I just want to thank you all for your best wishes and your really, really sweet comments as I shared all our wedding photos and details on instagram, facebook and twitter these past few weeks. Special thanks to our families and friends for their continuous support and help to make the wedding as wonderful as it can be. And also special credits for these people:

Wedding suit and dress: Permaisuri Pengantin Boutique

Dais and hand bouquet: Normah Wedding Planner

Cake: Dinasha Bakery

Canopy and table set: Kris Canopy

Caterer: Kharisma Catering

Photographer: Mr. Ajib

Thanks so much everyone!

Annddd...last but not least, here's my vow:

Dear Ifo,

My best friend,

My brightest light,

My husband from this day forward,

You're the greatest, most magnificent man I've ever known.

You've taught me peace and charity, strength and integrity,

the beautiful bliss of life's most simple joys.

You've shown me what it means to be good and true,

what it's like to wake up each day with faith and hope and a fearless, grateful spirit.

I love you for so many reasons, but I love you most for your heart,

Your true and kind and open, compassionate heart.

Our love has always felt both incredible and inevitable,a miracle that's meant to be,

And my most cherished blessing is to know that I'm yours.

Today, surrounded by the ones we love,

I vow to honor, inspire, and respect you for the rest of our days.

I'm yours, my love, forever and always:

All that I am now and all that I'll ever be.

Arrival of the groom

The start of forever

It's such an honor to be his wife

A kiss

Mom

"Can't take my eyes off you"

My best friends

His best friends

Our moms

I'm honestly loving my dress

Inching Toward Love

Sometimes someone seems to be not quite falling in love, but tiptoeing toward something like it. Like everything is just happening so slowly, you know? Well it's making me feel like maybe it's just not right.

There's something to be said for the kind of love that comes quickly, abruptly, a fierce jolt that makes you stumble, do a double take, then race forward. It's exciting when that happens, and scary, and something about the fear and the thrill and the haste makes it seem inevitable. Destined, even.

Occasionally, that swift love holds onto its momentum. I've seen (and felt) that desperate, whirlwind sort of love shape into something that's lasting and evolving, but I've also seen (and felt) it lose its footing, the head unable to keep up with the heart. Or something.

I inched my way into love. When I met him, sure, there was an immediate connection, something easy and comfortable about it. But my stomach didn't drop in fear, and I didn't fall so quickly that I tripped and staggered. I just inched in the direction of love, letting it come into view in the distance while I slowly but surely watched the walls between us come down.

Truth is, I'm a put-it-all-out-there kind of girl. And he isn't that kind of guy. Of course, when you first meet him, it feels instantly like you know him, like what you see is what you get. He's easygoing and kind and level-headed in the way that can feel wonderfully simple, relatable, but he also keeps so many things close to the chest. He's the type to intrigue you, to hold back a bit, to let pieces of himself unfold and come to light over time. In all the ways that I'm obvious and open and up and down, he's careful and steady and balanced. He's sure. He knows what to share and what to keep as his own, so that weeks and months and even years into knowing him, I still find that he surprises me.

I eased into love because he eased into himself, letting me in bit by bit. For me it was a lesson in patience, because while fast happiness may feel fated, that lasting joy is worth waiting for.

When Dust Settles

Endings keep popping up in conversation lately. Stories of leaving, of finishing. Stories of conclusion. I for one have never been good with endings. I'm a beginnings person, someone who revels in the delight of change and enjoys navigating new territory. Endings startle and stun me, stop me right in my tracks. I never know how to negotiate the aftermath because I'm afraid to see the dust settle.

Looking back, I haven't allowed for many endings. I've managed to steer most of my experiences and relationships so that they land on a forever timeline, or at least something close to it. Come to think of it, some of the most heartbreaking endings have been leaving certain places. I knew as I left those places that my time there was over and I struggled, wrestling with that knowledge and doing my best to pretend it wasn't so. Even now they're the places that tend to fill my daydreams, absence makes the heart grow fonder, etc.

This is all to say that it's hard to close the back cover. With books I find myself clutching the final flimsy pages and re-reading them over and over again, wishing I could stay in the world just a little bit longer. More often than not, I'd rather balance along the edges of an ending, unsteady, than see the conclusion rise up to meet me. Isn't that sort of how it goes, though?

Well, I'm leaving home soon.

Save the Date

Hey, everyone! Ahh what a long hiatus. It feels good to finally write again. Well, the big day is just around the corner and I am currently a very busy, nervous and excited woman. 

Planning our wedding has come down to a lot of little details and decisions; programs, linens, cards, tablecloth colors, doorgifts. And all these choices, sure, they felt important. After all, it's one of the most significant days of our lives, we're standing at the brink of forever, etc. But still, nothing has been quite so special as preparing myself to be a good wife.

I'm also writing my vows, though I'm not gonna read it out loud on the day, it just feels right to write it. I know it's not a part of our tradition. But there's just something kind of magical about writing that promise, about narrowing your big, sweeping, expanse of a love for that person into just a few short sentences.

All along people have been saying some version of the same thing: "It will hit you. At some point in this process, all the love and the forever and the weight of this day will hit you."

And wouldn't you know it, I've been hit, by the words, of course, always by the words. The surprising part, though, is that I didn't feel their weight. I felt their lightness.

Annndd here is save-the-date card for you. Everyone is invited!