And So I Write

I've missed blogging this past week. Though lately, my posts have become more and more sporadic, there's something freeing about sitting down and writing. I've always loved writing, ever since I was little, stringing words together to create something has excited me. And blogging gives me the arena to say what I need to say, gives me room to write what's on my heart. Writing is a passion and I'm grateful for the gift of this little online journal of mine.

There are many things I've been pondering lately. I'm in a new season of life and there are countless changes and choices coming up. Decisions and new paths that are necessary, yet hard. Because while change can be good, it's still tinged with melancholy. There's that sense of remembering what's gone and wishing for it, even though the future holds brighter promise than the past could have contained.

I'm working on several changes in my life right now; managing my time better. I lose time like leftover change, and unlike those bright pennies, time that's been wasted can't be found again. It's gone forever. And in my life, I've been coming the conclusion more and more that I need to work on how I spend my time. I long to be diligent, intentional, and authentic. Yet sometimes I view change as something that will just happen, and bam! There's a new me.

Change, however, is usually a gradual process; an incline that gets steeper along the journey and sometimes, you don't think that you'll ever reach the top. I'll always keep growing. But it's not a one time thing, not a spontaneous and instantaneous action that immediately transforms you. All that I can do is take my life as it is, a blessing, a day at a time and gradually grow into someone better. I choose to live intentional.

I fail, I flounder, fake, and fall down. We put ourselves into places from our sin that are far from Him. Yet He is always there, and no matter what, He is good. It's a choice to everyday live for Him. A life lived for Him isn't easy but it's the best kind of life there could be. I deeply desire to live a life that's meaningful, one that matters. A defined life is one that's lived for God. That's a life that I want to live. That's a life I'm going to live. There's no more "I'll do this tomorrow." Or putting it aside. I only have today and I won't let this gift of now fall by the wayside.

I have one life to live and I'm going to live it.

p.s: For those asking, yes, I'm currently working on a story. It's not finished yet. In the meantime, I'm planning to restart the short fictions on my blog. There are so many drafts at the moment and I'll publish them when the time comes. ^^

Post-ChicPox and Grammys

Last week I had an attack of freaking chicken pox. I know, maybe I'm too old for this because most of you had it when you're little. Lucky you. You should be grateful. Having a chicken pox when you're adult sucks as hell. It started on last Saturday, I was out with my friends watching The Last: Naruto The Movie and I had a slight fever. I noticed some spots on my face but I assumed they're just pimples and I thought, oh period is coming. But then I noticed a few weird fluid-filled blisters on my body. I googled it. And the result showed that it might be the symptom of chicken pox. So Ifo took me to see doctor but doctor said it's too early to confirm that it's chicken pox but he gave me some medicines and calamine lotion anyway, just in case. The next day, I was so sure that it's chicken pox because there were more blisters on my face, my head and body. They're itchy and my body temperature were getting higher. It's getting worse on the following days..it's all over my body, even in my mouth! I got bad fever, headache, can't sleep at night, woke up in the morning in pain, can't eat properly and just lied in bed all day. Looking at myself in the mirror terrified me. It's like looking at a zombie. Oh it's so terrible I almost can't take it anymore. 

I'm glad that it's over. I'm half recovered now, most of the rashes have dried out and it feels so good to be human again. I thank God for everything. And I thank my parents for taking care of me throughout the week..I can't do it without them. Though I had to go to an interview with my face full of scars yesterday, it went well. I hope I got that job. 

And today I'm really happy because my favorite song, Ain't It Fun by my favorite band, Paramore, won Grammy for the Best Rock Song!! Yay! Congratulations to Hayley, Jeremy and Taylor! It's been a good time for Hayley..she's got the trailblazer award, she's got engaged, and now..Grammy, ya'll! I feel like hugging her. ^^ Speaking of the 57th Grammy Awards, let me show you my picks for the best dressed stars from the red carpet. 

Rita Ora in Prada

Rihanna in Giambattista Valli

Beyonce in Proenza Schouler

Kelly Osbourne in Christian Siriano

Meghan Trainor in Galia Lahav

Anna Kendrick in Band of Outsiders

Jessie J in Ralph Russo

Gwen Stefani in Atelier Versace

Ariana Grande in Atelier Versace

Taylor Swift in Elie Saab

Annnnnd my favorite is...... Taylor Swift! She's wearing a lovely turquoise dress by Elie Saab, just the way I like it. ^^ So which one's your favorite?  

The Lists

Lists are so dear to me partially because they're unique to the moment you wrote them. From grocery lists, from to-do-lists detailing the day (run in the morning, write and read in the afternoon, piece time together for tea around 4). The "here-now" of these lists tug my heart, and I see some crossed off, others standing bold and waiting to be done. Make soup for dinner, Chinese fried rice and steamed chicken. Bundle up before a walk, remember a cardigan. Buy more apples. Pick up dry leaves on the driveway. 

If I was a poet I'd write a piece but for now, I'll catch syllables between rhythms and round the rhymes into letters half between cursive and print that range from words between clean my room and buy a birthday gift for my sister. And yet, there's a piece caught between the lines. My line is cast and I sit quietly in a boat, holding my pole tight and waiting to snag words. I'm a fisher woman of stories and stories in all forms, from photos to books to music to drawings to designs to the halfway letters of a list not finished. I collect the discarded grocery lists in the bottom of my purse, the leftover pages of a packing list for weekend getaway crumpled in the pocket of my bag, a few hurried lines of to-do before lunch.

There's a beauty and grace to the change of seasons and the differences that come in our homes and hearts within them. Some days are for quiet and abundance of simple. If we had a hearth, ours would be lit. I'm sucker to the romantic and pretty things but will not disregard the simple, because honesty is the best. 

Things that catch my eye:

light

cats

quirks

wispy curls

steam and smoke and fog

reflections

dabs of color

continuity errors in movies

textures

Books I'm reading:

I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

Anna and The French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins

And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini

Songs that I could hear over and over again:

Yellow by Coldplay

When It Rains by Paramore

100 Years by Five for Fighting

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men.

Happen Ending by Epik High

Chandelier by Sia

Things I don't want to purchase (but need to anyways):

a haircut

a power bank

new bag

new jeans

an iPod

What I want to get better at this year:

going to bed early

giving grace (always)

being intentional with my time

eating healthier

affirming

creating art that matters

baking gluten free

punctuality

getting fit

Some things I'm excited about:

weddings

traveling plans

being healthy

the weekend

going shopping for food

making lasagna

new job

Names I like:

Levi

Sophie

Gwen

Audrey

Heather

Aimee

Myrabell

Plans for the rest of the week.

take a walk

go out for lunch and coffee

order pizza

mail postcards

get my inbox cleaned

tidy my room and declutter and simplify

workout

Outside my window:

bird nest on a tree

an acrylic sky painted blue

slippers on neighbor's roof

cat's footprints on sandy pavement

sunlight warm across the neighborhood

quiet

Life Goals

Travel the world. Travel some more. Write a story. Fall in love. Stay in love. Get married. Travel with my love. Write a story of us. Sing. Learn a new language. Gain a few pounds from eating through traveling. Spend a week in Italy. Have a baby. Have another baby. Have lots of babies. Maybe just a few. Travel with my babies. Kiss my husband. Write another story. Have a library. Buy a Mini Cooper. Go to Mecca. Be honest. Live in another country. Make pancakes on Saturdays. Make pie on Sundays. Buy a house by the water. Sell extra things. Open up our home. Plant a garden. Learn to play piano well. Travel. Go wedding dress shopping with my daughters. Go to little league games. Live out of my gut. Write my grandparent's stories. Get good at yoga. Move cross country. Start over. Stay. Meet the girls my sons love. Photograph what I see. Watch my husband become a grandfather. Spend my anniversary in Paris. Drink tea with people I love. Explore. Live with less. Get a rabbit. Make lots of pastry. Stop being afraid. Cook through Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Wear skirts more. Start a traveling library. Ditch the TV. Start traditions. Keep traditions. Make cinnamon rolls and egg bake for family brunch. Say I'm sorry, I love you, I need you, I like you, I miss you. Understand they're sometimes the same.

Unpredictable

The weather has been so strange lately, so unpredictable. For days we've seen a mix of sun and fog, extreme heat one day followed by brisk cold the next. Yesterday, what felt like a light breeze suddenly turned into a gust of wind so powerful I had to stop in the middle of the street so to keep from blowing right over. Needless to say, things have been changing rather suddenly these days, rather unexpectedly.

As a creature of habit, as someone who leans toward the familiar, toward routine, it usually bothers me when weather isn't steady, when I wake up and don't have any idea what I'll find outside my window. Usually, that makes me uneasy. Recently, though, my life has matched the odd weather; things have been constantly shifting, any sense of routine tossed right out the window.

And it's been just what I needed. Invigorating, exhilarating, altogether satisfying. Funny, isn't it, how sometimes we believe we know just what we need, when all along the universe knows better?