On Regrets

I believe in regrets. I appreciate the people who don't, and I find the saying "no regrets" both wise and optimistic. But to tell you the truth, there are some things that I'd handle differently, if given a 2nd chance. There are some things I said that I wouldn't say, and some things I didn't say that I'd love to speak aloud. As someone who probably writes and talks too much, it's the unsaid that I tend to regret most.

I'm fortunate enough not to have any significant regrets, nothing so earth-shattering that it leaves me up at night. My regrets are mostly little things, tiny tweaks I'd make to the random moments of my life. Given a 2nd chance, I'd have spent more time with my grandmother. Told my high school teacher that she inspired me a lot. Tried more vegetables when I was younger. Helped my mom gardening. I'd have chosen different course in college. Learned Mandarin.

Given a 2nd chance, I'd have forgiven myself more easily and held others to a higher standard because I'd have known that self-respect reigns most important. I'd have recognized love more quickly and acknowledged when to let go of the relationships that had run their course. I'd have skipped the unnecessary apologies, the meaningless guilt and the heavy boots that came with holding on to things for far too long. I'd have allotted more time for art. I'd have saved the petals from the first red roses Ifo ever gave me. I'd have taken more pictures.

Like I said, nothing earth-shattering. Just tiny regrets, small 2nd-chance dreams that teach me what I value and what I need to do with the rest of this life I've been given. Do you have a no-regrets attitude? Or are there things you'd have done differently?

1 Verse, 114 Revelations

بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم 

Bismillah (in the Name of God) is the start of all things good. We too shall start to it. 

We're the travelers, and this world is a desert. Our impotence and poverty have no limit, and our enemies and needs are endless. Since it is thus, take the name of the Pre-Eternal Ruler and Post-Eternal Lord of the desert and be saved from begging before the whole universe and trembling before every event. The person who acts saying, "in the name of God," resembles someone who enrolls in the army. He acts in the name of the government. In the same way, all things act in the name of Almighty God. He has fear of no one; he speaks, performs every matter, and withstands everything in the name of Allah. 

We should know that there's a way to ascend to the throne of Divine Mercy, and that is, bismillāhi r-rahmāni r-rahīm. If you want to understand how important this way of ascent is, look at the beginning of the 114 chapters of the Qur'an of Miraculous Exposition, and at the beginnings of all estimable books, and at the start of all good works. And a clear proof of the God-determined grandeur of bismillah is that the very foremost Islamic scholars like Imam Shafi'i (may God be pleased with him) said: "Although bismillāhi r-rahmāni r-rahīm is one verse, it was revealed 114 times in the Qur'an."

Excerpt taken from Sunnah In Action.

This is How You Lose Her

Here's to all the guys, dudes and gentlemen out there..

This is how you lose her.

You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger's voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was 5, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.

You lose her when you don't notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you're about to ask a question but you think anything you're about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it's too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you're trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don't even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she's replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you're fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she's enough and she doesn't need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she's she and she's beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.

You must know the reason why she's silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you're there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she's about to. You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she's worthy to be loved, that she's worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

Best for Last

I've always had this habit of 'saving things for later.' It's cropped up across several areas of my life, translating to anything from food (best bite for last!) to music (I won't listen to this playlist until...) to clothes. And it's this last part: clothes..that I'm trying to change.

Ever since I was little I've reserved my favorite outfits for certain days, especially weekend. There was something about the end of the week and the start of the weekend that felt important, like something to dress up for. And so I would. It's normal, I think, to save certain outfits for the weekend. But somehow, somewhere along the way, I started saving my favorite clothes for..who knows? For some time in the distant future, some time when Possible Event X might require me to look my best. 

See, here's the problem, though: Possible Event X usually comes and goes, and I end up wearing an old standby..because in my mind I think, what if an even better event comes along and I've already sported this fabulous dress? What if I wish I'd saved it? What if it would have been absolutely perfect for this event and I've just worn it? What if? This sounds ridiculous, I know. They're just clothes, for heaven's sake. What's the big deal, huh? Well, the big deal's that it speaks to a larger issue: my absurd forward-thinking.

Saving best for last can be good for some things; the center bite of a hazelnut chocolate, the killer playlist that'll get you through that tough workout tomorrow, and..did I mention the center bite of a hazelnut chocolate? But I'm changing my tune when it comes to clothes. I'm shifting gears, wearing what I love whenever I please, whenever it strikes my fancy..even if it's on a..*gasp*..Monday.

Because sometimes, yes, there's a time and a place to save best for first.

Rain, Finally

I spent the past week soaking up the sunlight, cherishing the bright blue skies and the clear sunsets, knowing full well that the rainy days were on their way. It arrived today, the rain, and I'm surprisingly thrilled. There hasn't been any rain in weeks, hardly any at all since I started teaching, and I've been missing that mood. The mood that can only be found on a rainy day.

I listen to music more often when it rains, quietly, so I can still here the drops. I drink more coffee. I read more, write more, take baths just because. I watch movies I've meant to see for years. I cook; stews and soups, foods that leave you warm and fulfilled. I clean and catch up with friends, occasionally attempt an art, and I lie there, half awake, half dreaming, and watch the water blur the view from my window.

Yes. I've missed the rain.