A Tribute

I'm the type of person who cries when sad. I tear up at scenes in books that break my heart. I tear up at plays, or movies, or real life situations. 

Death strikes me as a random occurrence. It picks us arbitrarily, and when it does, it has a million different faces. It's something to accept, because it's a fact of life, but difficult to swallow, because of the side effect of it: Loss. We do not lose easily. Losing makes us go crazy. We're not meant to lose. We're geared for success, all of us. It's in our DNA, our survival mechanism and the resultant pride in it. But loss is also there for us, at any stage in life. And we must learn to cope with it.

Do you know Dean Potter, the BASE jumper who spent his lifetime trying to fly? He feared death, but continued leaping, tight-roping, living his dream of safe flight, until May 16, 2015, the day he smashed to his death against a notch in a route he knew well. His friend Graham Hunt was with him; both were known to be safe, experienced flyers. Both died in the quest for flight. There's risk, and they accepted it.

How about the climbers and guides that died at Mount Kinabalu after the earthquake? Especially those children..I'm sure they're aware of the risks. Or maybe they're too young to know the risks. But they climbed anyway and I salute that. Because I think that's the gift of youth; not knowing to be afraid. Not knowing that you're stronger than you know you are. And I defend this right to discover the horizons beyond.

They were student leaders. They were developing talents, also developing characters. What's a leader who doesn't know his/her strengths and limits? What's a leader not forced out of his/her comfort zone? What's a leader not brought to the edge and taught to jump? That's why as students, they strive for the challenging and prestigious journeys. From the reports, not a single one of the students didn't look forward to the trip. This speaks highly of their eagerness to serve, of their courage and willingness to test their boundaries, displaying the same spirit that Dean Potter and Graham Hunt did throughout life. This makes their deaths more tragic. And yet, in their quest for betterment, I find myself respecting them more.

And of the teachers..their enthusiasm and willingness to defend the children, to sacrifice themselves is incredibly touching and heartbreaking in its heroism. More will be said about them as adults, but less will be known, at the same time. What will remain is the impact they've made on their friends, family, and by extension, those of us reading their stories.

Rest in peace. The climbers and the guides. I don't know any of you, probably would never have met any of you in this life, and will never cross paths with you now. But I feel the loss. The world weeps for, honors, and loves you.

I find the words of Dean Potter's ex-wife Stephanie Davis comforting today. On a wingsuit jump together, Stephanie jumped ahead of her husband. He didn't land, Stephanie did.

"I want to tell you what it feels like to fly. If you could, you would stay forever. I was in front, and he jumped right behind me. When I landed, he wasn't there. When someone disappears in a wingsuit, it means one thing. Through the excruciating hours of searching, I already knew I wouldn't see him again. I've been a full-time climber for 20 years, and I know how to endure. No one's going to get you off the mountain but you. Crying is just a waste of water. And by extension, I used this way to deal with adversity in real life. Lost your job, lost your husband, dog died? Slam in the ice tools and keep going! But enduring is really about being numb. It's about choking off all possible emotion, it's about getting the job done instead of falling apart and giving up. I thought about walking to the top of a cliff without my parachute and stepping off. It's not like I don't know how to jump off a cliff, and in Moab we have plenty of them. Leaving is final, but understanding that staying is not final really took the pressure off and made it possible for me to just keep going one minute at a time. So at first, I did what I know how to do; I endured. After a couple of months, I started to see the difference between endurance and resilience. Endurance is about holding on, resilience is about letting go. Most things in life, you don't get to choose. Most things in life, you'll never see coming. Most things in life, you don't get to keep. There's no way to avoid risk in real life, imagining you can is just wishful thinking. Nothing stays the same. Endurance works, but you can do better. What you can do is choose resilience, no matter what. I stood at the edge of a vast canyon in Arizona, I thought about the last time I flew in another life. I opened my arms and pushed off. The air filled my wings and it was all there. Freedom, wonder, pain, mystery, magic, joy. I want it all, I choose it all, I choose to fly."

Once again, Rest in peace. You will live on in our memories and in our actions, as we strive to lead our lives in the same spirit that you all have demonstrated. To those alive, may you also be at peace, and may you be resilient, for there is still this world out there for you to explore.

Jump in Head First

Last night was crazy. I was dealing with multiple assignments and thesis work, and at the same time, getting calls from my parents, brother and sisters every hour. They're extremely worried about my safety especially when the rumors about Kiram's gunmen gather behind 1 Borneo mall (which is right behind my hostel) spread like fire. I had to convince them so many times that everything's fine until I didn't know how to do it anymore. And those forwarded rumors keep coming to my phone via sms and whatsapp like bullets. That I can ignore, but not my family. I can't even focus on my works. 

This is all Kiram's fault! He deserves to die after all the troubles he caused! 

I really wish this state will achieve justice and peacefulness sooner. 

.............................

But now, I'm more consumed in worries about my thesis, about what I'm going to be next. I try and remember that, as cheesy as it seems, dreams can come true. I would jump in head first, because I can't imagine myself anywhere else than right where I want to be.

I won't give up on my other hopes either, because I'm preeeeeety confident that those are going to manifest themselves at some point too. The hardest part? Is having patience and faith. But I know I'll be getting better with both day by day. Huhu. Wish me luck. 

You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.- Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

Don't Be a Permanent Idiot

This entry is copied from a blog in the comments part:

Anonymous said...
Friends, allow me a moment of indulgence to clear the foul stench of stupidity among people. The case in LD is nothing new to us Sabahans. In 90s, they abruptly came to the shore at Semporna and immediately bombed the police stations, then went amuck at the town.

They're smart people, some came through the sea, rose from mangrove area and lived 4 to 6 months before started to mingle with the locals and married them. The Tausugs in LD now didn't came all at once, instead they came in batches, with helps from their families in the village. Trust me, they have been there at least 2 to 3 months until the groups become complete, then they decide that it's time to wage war.

If you don't understand the rules of engagement, then don't try to be smart by saying the government is weak, soggy, whatsoever. Police would need to move 1st as they're trained as negotiators, while armies are the last resort as they will not spare anyone once commanded.

They need time to ensure all the locals are out of the village and then cut their food and finance sources, hoping the Tausugs will surrender. That's our rules of engagement. We're not barbaric stoic like the American soldiers.  So don't insult or complain about everyone that involves in LD. It's not easy. You don't know what does it feel like to be in a gunfight situation. Those who went in and died knew that they might not come back alive, as it was their vow when inducted to the force.

So please, learn from history and read more. Make sure your mouth and brain go on the same frequency, or in other harsh words, don't be a permanent idiot.

Thank you for your moment.

#PrayforSabah

The 1313 Tragedy

It's 1.3.13.

And here's what happened in Lahad Datu today:

Police say everything is under control. The remaining Sulu gunmen are on the run. A curfew has been declared in Lahad Datu town, 165 km from Felda Sahabat. This is for safety reasons only.  There have been no incidences anywhere else outside the Felda Sahabat area. 2 policemen have been killed. The Sulu gunmen have lost 12 people killed on their side. The rest are trying to escape. The area is fully cordoned off. 

I'm terribly sad. We look at the history and learn from them. We look at today and care. We look at the future and say thank you. Now, which is more important? The history? Today? Future? Stop blaming and pointing finger. I write this because I just saw many negative comments on twitter and fb about this situation. Some blame government, party leaders, and even Tun Dr Mahathir. While some others who don't read perhaps, stupidly become racist. They're throwing nasty words to those Filipinos that have been living in Sabah. And there are some morons insulting Sabah and saying that Sabahans should have just surrendered to Sulu because we're not part of Malaysia. This and that, till they forget to pray.

Many individuals are involved in this terrorism whether they're from the inside or outside, but what concern me the most is today's situation. Come on guys. People are dead, their families are weeping, our heroes are fighting for justice, we're in fear and never stop praying. And those morons don't even have time to pray, as they're too busy insulting. I'm sad and so angry. Plus my brother and uncles are serving for justice in Lahad Datu right now. The whole family's really worried, but we don't stop them either because it's a responsibility. May Allah be with us all.

Deepest condolences to families of the dead fighters. Al-Fatihah....

#PrayforLahadDatu

#PrayforSabah