Don't Wait 3 Days to Text First

I've stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won't apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don't want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest. If I love you at 5 a.m, I'd damn well rather that you know I felt it. If I love you 2 hours later, I'll tell you then too. Listen, I won't wait double the time it takes for you to text me back because I don't want to. I don't care enough to be patient with you. I'm happy, you made me feel that way, don't you want to know? So that's how it's going to be. I'm going to leave myself open. And I'm going to wake you up before the crack of dawn to tell you that I'm joyful, no pretending, not from me, not ever. Would you like some coffee?
- Azra, T., Don't Wait 3 Days to Text First

When Life Gives you Bitter Melon

If I were to write the nasty food column, bitter melon or bitter gourd would be at the top of my list of underappreciated vegetables. True to its name, the squash is unabashedly bitter, with an acerbic taste that leaves your tongue and the roof of your mouth dry. I couldn't understand people who love it, especially those who eat it raw. My mom loves to serve it as kerabu but I still don't like it because it gives me stomach acid.

Most of you out there would have bitter gourd in your hate list. I was one among you until my aunt came the other day bringing fried bitter gourd. I didn't know it was bitter gourd at the first place, it looked like tempura or something but I didn't care enough to ask because it smelled so nice. So I ate it joyfully, it was crispy, savory..just the way I liked it. Then they told me it's actually bitter gourd. And I was like, OMG how can bitter gourd taste so good?? It's not bitter at all! I was so shocked with that new discovery that I had a feeling that my entire life has been a lie. Lol. Too much. :p 

So I asked for the recipe and tried to make it on my own. So this is how to turn hate into love:

Ingredients
Bitter gourd
Kentucky flour
Egg
Garlic
Black pepper
White pepper
Salt


Method
1. Slice the bitter gourd, remove the seeds and cottony part. Wash the slices and keep them aside.
2. Put minced garlic, peppers and salt into the whisked egg.
3. Toss in slices of bitter gourd into the egg mixture and mix them well.
4. Evacuate the slices from the egg mixture and dip them into Kentucky flour, make sure they're fully coated, then immediately fry in the hot oil. Deep fry until they're golden brown.

It might still taste bitter a little bit, but better then it was. At least it's edible.

Well, it's a whole new definition to the saying "when life gives you lemon..."

Except when life gives you bitter gourd, make them not bitter. Lol.

On Broken Hearts

I find few things quite so nice as a person with a broken heart. Don't get me wrong. It sounds strange, I know. But when someone's brokenhearted, they're laid open, at their most raw, their most vulnerable. Walls crumble, having no reason to protect what's already been shattered, and the person's real essence rises to the surface.

I, too, have been brokenhearted. And, well, truth is, I sometimes miss who I was then. No, I don't miss the desperation. I don't miss being the girl who moved through days as a shell of a person, a shadow of her former self. I don't miss the dull ache, the feeling of walking in a haze, the sensation of being in pieces, in fragile, sharp-edged pieces I didn't recognize.

What I miss is the fearlessness that emerged from the ruins. That feeling of having nothing, nothing at all, to lose. When your heart's broken, you find and embrace an intimacy with yourself, a closeness to your own spirit, a kind self-love that you can later forget to nourish. And in those most gut-wrenching hours of my own heartache, I remember turning inward, and to music, and to literature, toward any place where I knew I'd feel understood. Where I could find, if not the answers, then at least the most important and most compelling questions.

Now, though, on the other side of this, with a heart restored and reshaped and rediscovered, I'm struck by my own desire to revisit that girl. To remember how she felt and uncover once again what seemed so true and tender about her in those broken moments. And also, to let her know that the pieces will eventually come together quite brilliantly. That she has nothing to worry about.

مآ أجمّل أنْ تصمتْ

فيْ ؤجهْ منْ ينتظرْ منِك الخِصَام 

وما أجمل أنْ تضحك

فيْ وجهْ منْ يُنتظرْ منك البكـاءْ

How beautiful it is to stay silent

When someone expects you to be enraged from them.

And how beautiful it is to laugh

When someone thinks you are going to shed tears.

Nightly Rants

A Year 5 student came to me today, asking, "will you still teach us math next week?" I said no, that my job's done and their regular teacher's coming back. Then he looked down, took my hand and placed it on his forehead. He said, "thanks for being our teacher, I'm sorry for my mistakes, please pray for me so I can succeed in study" something like that. Then it hit me like a hammer. I said what I supposed to say, but the words can't seem get out straight because I was chocked up. It's overwhelming. I mean, you know, I was just an untrained substitute teacher and I didn't expect this kind gesture even from at least one student. 

Anyway, as far as I know, he's the quietest boy in class, never joined Q&A session, never asked me anything about math, but it's okay because he always did well. Such a good, good boy. When I was his age I never went in person to see teachers saying thanks or sorry. Just sneaking into teachers' room to place simple cards on my favorite teachers' desk a day before Teacher's Day.

Why am I not teaching them anymore next week, you ask? Well, my contract with the school has ended. I might come back substituting another absent teacher who teach different subject, or I might not. I don't know.. It's just, I've received a new offer in writing for a magazine (the perks of being a freelance writer: you'll get many offers ^^) so I guess I want to focus on this. I'm not gonna blow it away like I did to Zalora (big regret!). Apart from that, taking master's program seems tempting. You see, when you can't find a fix job, go to college again. Oh all of a sudden I want to do so many things as if I had all the time in the world. So what, go for it, you may say. Hmm..easy said than done. I can't multitask, and when I do, it'd be catastrophic.  

Please, dear loves, whoever you are, wish me luck..

We're all Human Beings