June 21, 2015

Moving On Without Letting Go

My contract as a substitute teacher has come to an end. It was a bittersweet farewell.

Letting go of people and places I love has never been easy for me. In fact, it's always been one of my biggest challenges. I've just never understood how you're supposed to be able to say goodbye to someplace or someone you love or have loved with every piece of yourself. I know, of course, that it isn't possible to hold on to everything you've ever cared about, but that's never quite stopped me from trying. 

It's just that I tend to think of my life in chapters and it isn't as if you keep reading and just forget what happened on the previous page. No. You hold on to every important character and setting from the beginning of the story because you just know that in some later chapter there'll be some epiphany and you'll better understand their significance. You never forget about those first people or moments because they're the undercurrent of everything to come. 

So maybe it's not really about "letting go" at all. Maybe it's about acknowledging who, what and where you've loved and appreciating that they've led you to the page you're on now. Maybe it's not about forgetting, but about letting those people and places nestle themselves in some corner of your heart so that down the line, when you encounter that climactic scene that gives meaning to the entire story, you can smile to yourself as you realize that it's them who brought you here, to this place, to this person you've become. 

The school..it's the same school I went in 2003 until 2007. As someone who gets, well, more than a little nostalgic for the places I love, I've kept my distance from it since college. That school's at the center of so many of my most special memories, and I thought it'd be best to rip off the band-aid and never look back. A quick, clean goodbye. Turns out, that wasn't the case. I returned as a teacher and I got attached again. 

How refreshing, and what a relief, not to ache for what you used to have and where you used to be. It's taken me a long, long time to learn that you don't have to miss something to make it mean something. A place or a person can be important to you without pining for it, and moving on, it doesn't have to be dismissive. There are different shades of letting go. 

I miss my students and fellow teachers. Thanks for the memories. See you again next time!

1 comment:

  1. inda pa..buli kupi2 juga di luar tu..tapi kadang hang out di luar agak beza bila kita sama2 dlm suatu tempat kerja..


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