Evolving Friendship

As we move through different life chapters, there's a question: how do we hold on to friendships when life keeps shifting?

It's hard to watch friendships change. Things were a little less complicated back in school. Before u're in your 20s, most friendships tend to be fairly straightforward. Your friends are usually in the same place, moving along the same path.

And then the "real world" hits. Suddenly there are forks in the road, friends stopping off at different intersections as u keep going. People move to new cities, find new jobs, meet new people. There are weddings & babies & more new cities & jobs. Everyone's busy trying on identities & circumstances are changing all the time. Friendships no longer move along the same orbit as entire universes turn upside down.

It's jarring. It rattled me when i realized that the magic of your world expanding as u grow up means that it becomes too big for certain things to stay the same. That's obvious, maybe, but it can be hard to accept when u actually face it. Another lesson? It's impossible to hold on to every person just as closely as u always did.

I don't really know what i expected. When u're younger, it's easy to imagine all the possibilities - to dream up all the versions of u waiting at the end of the path & hope the pieces of your life will carry through no matter what choices u make. It's not quite as easy to be in the middle of the journey, waving to friends as they choose different paths, everyone walking further down forks in the road. It's harder still to wonder if u'll lose your way or if u'll end up losing some of them along the way.

I once read about the joy of seeing friends do their thing, whatever that may be, & how it is to communicate. It's on both parties to figure out ways to help a friendship evolve. In the past years i've been on both sides of the equation. I've watched as everyone took giant turns in their lives, & i've been the friend with a new place, a marriage, a daughter. I also worried about what i might lose. Some of it is up to chance, but some of it isn't.

U have a hand in the places & people u choose to hold on to, & the thrill of everyone moving in different directions is that u all become better. I wish I could go back and tell my 16-year-old self that, your friendships will change in the coming years & some may fade a bit, but u'll be happier when the chips fall.

Sometimes u'll marvel at how much richer life feels when everyone has room to become themselves. The space between u & a person can go in & out like a tide & be just as steady as the waves. Just as certain. Pick your people & watch how exciting it can be when your shared world is shaken up, the pieces all scattered about, & u're all laughing at the wonderful inevitability of where u've landed. U may be facing different directions, but of course, u're still standing side by side.