oh man where to begin. i give it 5/5 for its undeniably beautiful writting, but did i enjoy it? idk. would i recommend it? yes. but please check the trigger warnings like seriously & read it only when you're ready to be emotionally damaged, physically sick, & mentally exhausted. i ain't saying that it ain't good. it's so good yet so disturbing & painful. i'm still searching for the right word to sum up my feelings for it & tbh part of me wishes i could unread it & erase it from my memory.
the process of reading it was one of the hardest things i've ever done in my life & i never felt this way for a fiction before. it put me in terrible mood for days. some chapters made me extremely uncomfortable. even thinking about it now still makes me wanna throw up. i felt so sad, depressed & angry. there's too much sufferings that when something good finally happens, i cried! i got this strong urge to ask the author: did you write this based on your life experience? are you a sadist? or were you just out of your mind?!
instead of 3 months as per target (hell, it's thiccc: 944 pages? what?), i finished it in a month coz it's too intense, too absorbing, so i rushed to the end coz i couldn't bear it anymore. i had to scroll memes & watch Man vs Bee after finishing this book coz i needed to reset my mind with something funny. despite all that, the tragedy in this book deserves to be heard as it does happen in real life. extreme lives exist but not all those who are sexually abused have voices or financial support to find their path. & therefore extreme lives should be present in literature.
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