On Giving your Mind some Space

A few weeks ago, as i folded laundry, i had a very clear thought: i need to give my brain a little breathing room. I'd been busy sorting socks & thinking how oddly comforting it can be to do something so mindless, as if my brain sighs & sits back for a moment while i build a pile of clothes. I knew i needed more of that. 

I'd already been working on it, that whole breathing-room thing. A couple months back i decided to ease up on some of the inevitable pre-sleep scrolling, trading social media for a bedtime book routine. It felt nostalgic somehow to get lost in a chapter, telling myself "2 more pages! Fine, 5 more pages!" How refreshing to let my mind focus on one story & not 46 different photos & memes & ideas, u know.

I wanted to be more mindful throughout the day, too, but what does that even look like? I'm not a person who meditates. I don't do yoga regularly. My free minutes are few, so i came to terms with it: i just didn't have room for breathing room.

And then, of course, the joke was on me, bcoz fast forward a couple days when Qayla's sleeping in bedroom & the wifi stopped working while my mobile data was also dead. I can't turn on netflix, spotify, can't open any socmeds, &...silence. Nothing. I started to feel a little desperate. I tried to sleep but can't. More silence. I'm almost embarrassed to admit how temporarily panicked i felt. 

Well i'm not alone, so i've come to deeply appreciate that stretch of time that's just mine to spend however i choose. It's a simple joy to start my day with radio channel i love. What a thrill when i can sing along to something other than nursery rhymes. 

Silence? Well, the silence just felt stressful. Jarring, even. But sometimes i realize that the silence doesn't feel suffocating, it felt freeing. Like one big exhale. I hadn't realized how much of my day involved the company of something. Not necessarily another person, but always something: a song, a conversation, a tv show, an ebook, a scroll through socmed. I hadn't been leaving much space for, well, space.  

No, this definitely isn't a story about me becoming the queen of mindfulness. No way. I did rediscover & retrace the best way back to myself, though, & i learned that silence carries a joy of its own. I was right: my brain needed a little breathing room, & it probably will again soon. What's nice is to know that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I don't have to choose between sound or silence, chaos or focus. I just have to let myself be.