Hello, 30s

What changed? My perspective as i realized prioritizing the present is the only way to go. Celebrating 30 years of existence is no small feat. It means i've survived the 1st round of adulthood, i've successfully made the transition from childhood to a grown-up with responsibilities, debt, & rational thinking. I'm grateful for the lessons learned & what life brought me even if some of it were bitter & hard to go through at times.

I thought i'd have the same dread as when i turned 20 coz turning 20 meant letting go of being a child & whimsical girlhood dreams. See, this is my problem. I have the tendency to over-reflect & long for the days of yesteryear, to long for the comfort of familiarity. In reality, i'd feel out of place if i were to magically re-experience my early to mid-20s. Like an old, too-tight pair of jeans from high school, that time in life just wouldn't fit anymore.

As a result, a huge lesson i’ve had to swallow lately has been to remind myself to live in the now. There’s no use on dwelling over a past that we have no control over, we only have control over what we do today. Every time my brain tries to wander to the past, i have to be intentional in redirecting my awareness to the present. Which hasn’t been easy when my early 20s are abundant with regret for not making better decisions. 

When I think about it, i realize there are so many out there who didn’t make it to 30, whose lives were unfairly cut short. So, why should i complain about growing up or throw myself down the rabbit hole of existential dread? No. I’m choosing now, i’m choosing today. & whether that’s at 29 or 30, i know life will be better for it when i continue to live in the moment.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen in this next decade. I have hopes & dreams for what it’ll be like. But I can’t really count on those things happening. Obstacles could pop up along the way, realizations that i want other things, or maybe Allah has something else in store for me. 

One thing that brings me reassurance is that my core values have never changed. I've consistently been guided by my strong intuition, empathy, sense of humor & love for others. So i don't think that will change all that much when i'm 39 & reflecting back on my 30s. I’ll promise my 39-year-old self that i’ll try my best to live thoughtfully & intentionally so she'll have minimal regrets in the future, insyaAllah. 

As I enter this new decade i’ll be armed with the lessons from my 20-somethings & i thank Allah for my 20s. For pushing me through the wringer, for allowing me to fail. For showing me what love is & what love isn’t. For the laughs, the long nights & close bonds i've developed. For the growth that’s made me that much stronger, kinder & wiser. For my husband & my daughter. 

I doubt i'll get much sleep tonight as this buzzing anxious anticipation morphs into buzzing joyous anticipation. 30s, i'm ready for u. Are u ready for me? 🤭