April 11, 2014

Inner Compass

I'm terrible at making decisions. The problem is that I see both sides. Of everything. Always. And this isn't even an exaggeration, either. It's true, I'm inevitably torn. So when big decisions roll around, the kind that can change my life course, alter my destiny, and quite possibly reshape life as I know it? Well, anxiety doesn't even cover it. I find myself making list, panicked and flustered as I weigh the pros and cons. 
"But what if... And then I could... How about I... But, but, but..."
..on and on, for as long as my mind can stand it, until I finally throw up my hands and say "okay, enough."

And when I reach that enough place, the breaking point where I decide that my sanity's seriously at stake, I realize that I simply have to choose. To choose based on my gut, on my heart, on that tiny little voice that finds the strength to whisper only when all hope feels lost. And then, after choosing, comes the really difficult part, the aftermath, the quiet hours when the weight of a decision can sink in.

That challenging aftermath is ongoing. It involves re-choosing day after day and accepting the fact that either way, no matter which path you'd picked, you'd have been forced to look back and wonder regardless. If you'd settled on A, you would have wondered about B. If you'd opted for B, you would suddenly remember A's appeal. Such is life. Such is choosing. And yet, how wonderful it is and how lucky we must feel for having a choice in the first place.


  1. I really feel you. that's what I've been doing this past few days. afraid to make a choice. uhuh

  2. Take it slow... and easy. pray, sleep, eat, watch one direction... and then try to decide again. hopefully everything goes well for u dear.

  3. follow your heart, only you know what is best for yourself


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