April 6, 2014

On Broken Hearts

I find few things quite so nice as a person with a broken heart. Don't get me wrong. It sounds strange, I know. But when someone's brokenhearted, they're laid open, at their most raw, their most vulnerable. Walls crumble, having no reason to protect what's already been shattered, and the person's real essence rises to the surface.

I, too, have been brokenhearted. And, well, truth is, I sometimes miss who I was then. No, I don't miss the desperation. I don't miss being the girl who moved through days as a shell of a person, a shadow of her former self. I don't miss the dull ache, the feeling of walking in a haze, the sensation of being in pieces, in fragile, sharp-edged pieces I didn't recognize.

What I miss is the fearlessness that emerged from the ruins. That feeling of having nothing, nothing at all, to lose. When your heart's broken, you find and embrace an intimacy with yourself, a closeness to your own spirit, a kind self-love that you can later forget to nourish. And in those most gut-wrenching hours of my own heartache, I remember turning inward, and to music, and to literature, toward any place where I knew I'd feel understood. Where I could find, if not the answers, then at least the most important and most compelling questions.

Now, though, on the other side of this, with a heart restored and reshaped and rediscovered, I'm struck by my own desire to revisit that girl. To remember how she felt and uncover once again what seemed so true and tender about her in those broken moments. And also, to let her know that the pieces will eventually come together quite brilliantly. That she has nothing to worry about.

مآ أجمّل أنْ تصمتْ
فيْ ؤجهْ منْ ينتظرْ منِك الخِصَام 

وما أجمل أنْ تضحك
فيْ وجهْ منْ يُنتظرْ منك البكـاءْ

How beautiful it is to stay silent
When someone expects you to be enraged from them.
And how beautiful it is to laugh
When someone thinks you are going to shed tears.

1 comment:

Thank you for dropping by. Keep a song in your heart and have a nice day. Au revoir.


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