May 7, 2014

Stick with Someone not Good Enough





Why do you still stick around when you know that he's abusive, manipulative, lying, boring, insensitive and selfish? Why do you still choose him when you don't even love him anymore? You still choose him because he chose you. That makes you feel better about yourself already. Right? But if he's not good enough, he's not the best that you can get, then why still stay? Why don't you break away from him and this relationship already?

Because you think that there's a binary relationship between him and loneliness; it's either him or loneliness. And you think you can't deal with loneliness. Or you don't wanna deal with loneliness. You don't wanna be alone because you don't know what to expect from it. You've been in a relationship for such a long time it feels unusual to not have someone to call or text all the time. It's weird to not have someone in mind to think about to get that fuzzy feeling in your chest. It's boring to not have someone to miss or buy things for when you go shopping. There's no someone to remind you that you're special too.

So to not risk throwing yourself into confusion, you choose to stay with him. And then you make yourself think that he's good enough albeit all his imperfections. That he's the best for you. So you tolerate all the little things in the relationship. You try to accept his flaws. You try to accept how he never makes you feel completely safe, you then think that you're the one going crazy, you're the one being insecure about things. You try to accept the lack of trust in the relationship, you think you two need to let time heal the wounds.

You become okay with knowing that he's not 100% in the game. That he's not as committed, passionate or forthcoming as before. That he thinks about things but doesn't really share them with you. You're unhappy because you feel jealous. You feel that many other things seem to be taking him away from you. The only time you feel secure is when you sit down with him and look him straight in the eyes, and know that he's there. That he's also looking back, at you and only you. That moment's perfect. That moment's what you think you only need. There and then, you know that he's yours. But those moments never last. When he's gone from your side, you begin to go through those images in your head and sieve out the ones you doubt. And you start to question: Why's he not texting me? Is he really so busy at work? When's the last time he said "I love you" to me? Why's he not asking about how's my day so far? 

Obviously, that moment's not enough. It's not all that you need. And so you help him with excuses. Because you rather face his hot-and-cold temperament, his inconsistency in things, his lack of initiative, and his lack of pride in you, than to face loneliness. You help him with excuses to feel better about it all. You tell yourself he loves you. You shouldn't have to. You tell yourself you're the most important thing in his life. He should be telling you this himself. Now and then, now and then.

You choose a love that's "not that bad" because of its consistency. But consistency can be a bad thing too, it means that things will never change. You expect him to change. But the truth is, he will never change for you. But at least it's better than loneliness, huh? Decide now. 








Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you.
Read it over.
Again.
Let those words resonate in your mind.




2 comments:

  1. It's always a joy popping by here once a while to read your lovely poems......... Have a wonderful weekend, Aemy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow!!...that knock me down...hihihihi I've been in that situation before...but not anymore now...love this post....(^_^)

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for dropping by. Keep a song in your heart and have a nice day. Au revoir.

 

Copyright © 2009-2017 Aemy Nadira. All Rights Reserved. Powered by Blogger.