Always my Last

Thoughts

Dawn turns to day,

as stars are dispersed;

wherever I lay,

I think of you first.

The sun has arisen,

the sky, a sad blue.

I quietly listen -

the wind sings of you.

The thoughts we each keep,

that are closest to heart,

we think as we sleep -

and you're always my last.

Lang Leav

p.s: Cory Monteith is dead. I long for Finn Hudson. Glee without him is unimaginable and unbearable. I'm in the mourning.

Ramadan Feeds your Soul

Alhamdulillah, it's Ramadan. It's a month not only of self-restraint and control, but rather a month where we can truly appreciate the hardship that those without the guarantee of food at the end of each day go through. For Muslims, gratitude and patience go hand in hand and both are intertwined as well as deeply practiced in this month. Feeling grateful is a genuine feeling of being blessed with everything we've been given.

Often we find that the darkest times in our lives are followed by the most precious. And it's at the moment when everything looks broken that something least expected lifts us and carries us through. Like the sun that rises at the end of the night, our dawn has come. Allah has sent the light of Ramadan to erase the night. He as sent the month of the Quran so that He might elevate us and bring us from our isolation to His nearness. He has given us the month to fill our emptiness, cure our loneliness and end our soul’s poverty.

Every moment of Ramadan is a chance to come back to Allah. Whatever we're now going through in our lives is often a direct result of our own actions. Most of all, we must never be deceived. Imagine receiving a clean slate. Imagine having everything you ever regret doing erased completely. Ramadan is that chance.

By controlling and restraining our physical needs, we gain strength for the greater battle: controlling and restraining our nafs (soul’s desire). When fasting, every hunger pang reminds us of Allah. Don’t make fasting just hunger and thirst. While fasting, understand the whole picture. Remember that fasting is not just about staying away from food. It's about striving to become a better person. And in striving, we're given a chance to escape the darkness of our own isolation from Allah. Like the sun that sets at the end of the day, so as Ramadan that will come and go, leaving only its mark on our heart’s sky. Make the best of it.

Happy Ramadan. :)

Conquering the Bald Hill

Bald Hill, Sepangar, Sabah

Me and The Baks went out as a team again yesterday to hike and conquer the Bald Hill Sepangar, which is also known by the locals as Bukit Botak or Bukit Gundul. All this time, I could only see the hill from car window, now I know that it's conquerable and we made it! It's a beautiful green hill with bald top (no trees) that you'd notice if you're in Sepangar area. As it's a unique hill, I was on cloud 9 when they set up a plan to hike there. 

There are 2 starting points to climb Bald Hill, one from UiTM, another from a construction site next to MARDI (the one that we used). We started hiking around 10 am which was quite late already as the scorching sun was rising high. To get to the peak of the hill, we had to go through deep jungle, climb and cross a valley. It's really challenging for a first-timer like me. Okay, to be more specific, we're all first-timers, none of us had ever climbed it before and we took the challenge without any guides. So we just followed the existing trail, that's almost covered by bushes and long grass, with our instincts. 

take 2

beautiful woods

feel like rangers :p

almost there

We reached the Bald Hill peak after an hour. Subhanallah, it's so beautiful! We're amazed by the mesmerizing view from up there and despite the hot sun, the breeze was soothing. We can see the UMS, sea of Sepangar Bay, islands, navy base, and the whole KK city! They could even see their houses! Lol. And yes, at the highest peak, it's really bald, no bushes or trees, except a lone bamboo tree, Sabah flag and long grass. We just sat there, took pictures, relaxed and ate some foods that we brought along to fuel up while enjoying our beautiful land of Sabah. 

The journey of going down was another story. I never thought that going down could be more challenging than going up. Because of tiredness and less focus (we talked a lot) while climbing, we got lost twice. Not leaving marks was a mistake, and we didn't see the trail clearly. The situation reminded me of "The Road Not Taken" but there's no time to joke about it. It took them quite a while to figure out the correct trail. I didn't help at all as I was too tired to think, but of course I was worried if we stuck there forever. It's gonna rain and we must go down before dark. Alhamdulillah, we found the trail anyway. But then, my legs were too tired to deal with the steepness. I made a wrong step, tripped and fell to the ground. Man, it hurt. My doctor-to-be friend checked my ankle if it's broken. Thank God it's fine. I fought the pain and forced myself to continue the journey. Going down was agony. 

Well, we returned safely. Despite the wrong turn, clumsy step and fatigue, we had so much fun. Honestly, it's worth our time. It's a great adventure and surely we'll climb again next time with complete preparation. Heeee.. 

we made it

at the summit

just resting

hey KK

another great day with them

Fiction Friday: Unnoticed

Her back was towards the entrance, she did not see him enter but she knew he was there. She'd already felt his presence by tingling toes and the unwelcoming shivers running down her spine. It was like the old times, nothing had changed and she was glad about that. As excruciating as the feeling was, it connected her with him and she could never let go of it. She smiled at the irony.

Yesterday was the first time she had seen him since the day she walked out of his life. In that paralyzing moment when she had caught sight of his silhouette on that crowded street, she forgot the world and its meaningless inhabitants. She stood on the spot soaking in the sight, watching him as he walked past her. She was covered by the crowd, so he did not feel her presence in spite of the proximity, just like the old times he did not notice.

Fate had a twisted sense of humor, the fact that he should walk into the park and perch himself on the bench facing the gate was a live example of it. He had his back to the green trees lining the pond, he had his back to her. She stared at the figure for a long while. He hadn't changed much. She remembered their college days, she was the tomboy and he was the geek. While she loved being the center stage, he hid in the wings. She was the cheerful player, he was the silent spectator. She loved to talk, he was the most insightful listener. They were best friends. She thought they fit perfectly, she loved him and he loved her back too but only as a friend. Never in the years that they spent together did she ever tell him how she felt. One day, he told her that he loved someone else and she hated him for that, but she couldn't stop loving him either. She was an oxymoron personified. Eventually he got busier and she phased out. She knew he did not notice.

Years later, as she sat there staring at him, oblivious to her existence, she wondered what bad karma had haunted her for so many years that she had to hide from the only man she ever loved. Consumed in her thoughts, she lowered her eyes to the book on her lap blocking him from her vision. The figure on the bench turned around but she did not notice.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

He sat on the bench lost in his thoughts. He was a man who was trying to fall out of love. The emotion had fooled him. He sat on that park bench cursing destiny that his first love had never materialized. Those eyes that followed him around had disappeared. They did not tell him stories anymore. He knew she never loved him the way he loved her. It hurt him. He longed for her to reciprocate his feelings, but she was clueless about them. She was his only friend, they fit perfectly. She was the yin to his yang. He loved her but she had never noticed.

Till now he wondered what evil had possessed him when he told her that he liked someone else. He meant it to be a harmless joke. But she caught on to the idea. Her eyes brightened at the thoughts but his face fell, she did not notice. Wallowing in self pity, he kept his distance from her. She too distanced herself from him. He could never get over her, they were in the same classes and he used to look at her with longing in his eyes, he missed her, but she never noticed.

Years later he sat here in a park, facing the gate rather than enjoying the view. He was here because he had felt her presence yesterday; just like the old days, he knew the eyes were watching him from somewhere. He had quickened his pace and returned to his hotel for the fear that the eyes would bewitch him again. He had his flight the next day, to kill time he had aimlessly walked around the city when he spotted the park where she used to love sitting under trees and reading.

When he entered he saw a pond lined with huge trees, he instantly knew she would have loved this place. He could not bear to sit around alone. He turned to leave, but the old sensation gripped him again, those eyes were following him. Absolutely powerless he sat on the bench relishing the sensation. It was nearly time for his flight, he could not delay it any longer, he got up and walked to the gate. just before stepping out he turned around once, someone was sitting behind the massive tree trunk engrossed in a book, but he did not notice.

On Kindness

Roger Ebert (1942-2013) was the world’s most respected movie review guy and blogger. He's diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2002 and underwent several surgeries which left him without a lower jaw or the ability to speak. He found solace on the internet, where he applied his writing skills to the world of blogging. And the quote above was taken from Ebert’s autobiography which is being turned into a documentary.