Won't Lose Each Other

Hey hey, it's been a long time! In the past several days, I sat down and got nothing. I didn't feel any blogging vibes coming to me. So I didn't. Instead I closed the dashboard page and faced my life head on. But now, I have it back and my fingers are buzzing. 2 months to go til I finish my degree and and there will be the time when possibilities are blooming and options are endless. How exciting, huh?

Oh very much so. For me, it's terrifying somehow. Knowing that worrying doesn't change an ounce of the intended outcome or fate, doesn't change the fact that I'll still worry. About every detail. Every unknown. Every little thing there is to worry about; being 23, finishing degree, still hanging in the middle of thesis, juggling between assignments and tests, thinking of looking for career opportunities soon, budgeting and saving...

"Worrying won't change anything"

You could smash that fact into my thick skull all day long and I'd still wake up at least once a week itching and sweating from stresses that mulled their way into my brain even at the off-hours. But this is nothing new. It has been the dragon I've been trying to slay my whole life. Now I'm just gonna try and keep this dragon at bay each day. 

In the meantime, I'm gonna spend some times on the wonderful, worry-free things. Like, today, I had a movie date with Ifo. We watched The Host (..amazing story in book, but a bit off in film, I prefer reading the book instead. It's still a great story though, one of the most unusual love triangles. Go watch it.), ate at Secret Recipe and chilled out at KK's seaside. It's nice to finally see the world and get away from books, papers and apparatus. Huhu. Till next post (I hope so..).

from The Host

P.S: I'll try to blogwalk after this.

I Am a Swan

Dear culture that raised me,

Growing up, you read me the Ugly Duckling. And for years I believed that was me. For so long you taught me I was nothing more than a bad copy of the standard (men).

I couldn’t run as fast or lift as much. I didn’t make the same money and I cried too often. I grew up in a man’s world where I didn’t belong.

And when I couldn’t be him, I wanted only to please him. I put on your make-up and wore your short skirts. I gave my life, my body, my dignity, for the cause of being pretty. I knew that no matter what I did, I was worthy only to the degree that I could please and be beautiful for my master. And so I spent my life on the cover of Cosmo and gave my body for you to sell.

I was a slave, but you taught me I was free. I was your object, but you swore it was success. You taught me that my purpose in life was to be on display, to attract, and be beautiful for men. You had me believe that my body was created to market your cars. And you raised me to think I was an ugly duckling. But you lied.

Islam tells me, I’m a swan. I’m different, it’s meant to be that way. And my body, my soul, was created for something more.

So I am honored. But it is not by my relationship to men. My value as a woman is not measured by the size of my waist or the number of men who like me. My worth as a human being is measured on a higher scale: a scale of righteousness and piety. And my purpose in life – despite what the fashion magazines say – is something more sublime than just looking good for men.

And so God tells me to cover myself, to hide my beauty and to tell the world that I’m not here to please men with my body; I’m here to please God. God elevates the dignity of a woman’s body by commanding that it be respected and covered, shown only to the deserving, only to the man I marry.

I’m not here to be on display. And my body is not for public consumption. I will not be reduced to an object, or a pair of legs to sell shoes. I’m a soul, a mind, a servant of God. My worth is defined by the beauty of my soul, my heart, my moral character. So, I won’t worship your beauty standards, and I don’t submit to your fashion sense. My submission is to something higher.

With my veil I put my faith on display, rather than my beauty. My value as a human is defined by my relationship with God, not by my looks. I cover the irrelevant. And when you look at me, you don’t see a body. You view me only for what I am: a servant of my Creator.

You see, as a Muslim woman, I’ve been liberated from a silent kind of bondage. I don’t answer to the slaves of God on earth. I answer to their King.

P.S: Thanks for your moment. This inspirational letter is written by Yasmin Mogahed. Such a beautiful thoughts on hijab and women. 

Enjoy Your Life

Jump in Head First

Last night was crazy. I was dealing with multiple assignments and thesis work, and at the same time, getting calls from my parents, brother and sisters every hour. They're extremely worried about my safety especially when the rumors about Kiram's gunmen gather behind 1 Borneo mall (which is right behind my hostel) spread like fire. I had to convince them so many times that everything's fine until I didn't know how to do it anymore. And those forwarded rumors keep coming to my phone via sms and whatsapp like bullets. That I can ignore, but not my family. I can't even focus on my works. 

This is all Kiram's fault! He deserves to die after all the troubles he caused! 

I really wish this state will achieve justice and peacefulness sooner. 

.............................

But now, I'm more consumed in worries about my thesis, about what I'm going to be next. I try and remember that, as cheesy as it seems, dreams can come true. I would jump in head first, because I can't imagine myself anywhere else than right where I want to be.

I won't give up on my other hopes either, because I'm preeeeeety confident that those are going to manifest themselves at some point too. The hardest part? Is having patience and faith. But I know I'll be getting better with both day by day. Huhu. Wish me luck. 

You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.- Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

Don't Be a Permanent Idiot

This entry is copied from a blog in the comments part:

Anonymous said...
Friends, allow me a moment of indulgence to clear the foul stench of stupidity among people. The case in LD is nothing new to us Sabahans. In 90s, they abruptly came to the shore at Semporna and immediately bombed the police stations, then went amuck at the town.

They're smart people, some came through the sea, rose from mangrove area and lived 4 to 6 months before started to mingle with the locals and married them. The Tausugs in LD now didn't came all at once, instead they came in batches, with helps from their families in the village. Trust me, they have been there at least 2 to 3 months until the groups become complete, then they decide that it's time to wage war.

If you don't understand the rules of engagement, then don't try to be smart by saying the government is weak, soggy, whatsoever. Police would need to move 1st as they're trained as negotiators, while armies are the last resort as they will not spare anyone once commanded.

They need time to ensure all the locals are out of the village and then cut their food and finance sources, hoping the Tausugs will surrender. That's our rules of engagement. We're not barbaric stoic like the American soldiers.  So don't insult or complain about everyone that involves in LD. It's not easy. You don't know what does it feel like to be in a gunfight situation. Those who went in and died knew that they might not come back alive, as it was their vow when inducted to the force.

So please, learn from history and read more. Make sure your mouth and brain go on the same frequency, or in other harsh words, don't be a permanent idiot.

Thank you for your moment.

#PrayforSabah