Bittersweet Ending

Today marks the end of my 4-year degree study in UMS. It's a bittersweet ending. After this, so much can happen and here's the thing. It's not about whether or not somebody else thinks what I'm doing is right. It's about doing what's right for me, when I'm ready. It's about living my life, understanding and taking into consideration the advice and hopes others have for me. 

Are you living your life in a way that makes you happy? A way that makes you proud? Are you being brave with your life and at least giving your biggest dreams a chance though others scoff? At the end of the day these are the questions you'll have to answer to yourself, right?

Some of us will find their way. Some will find their homes. Some will start families. And some of us will still be finding our way. But..none of us will it right, none of us will do it wrong. All that matters is that we'll do it the best we can. As for me, I'm still finding my way, fumbling, waiting and fickle. But that's okay.

The adventures I'll have will be more than I could have ever expected. More than anything, if it's been any indication of what's to come, I am ready.

Food Tech sweethearts, 2010-2013

To Love

To love at all is to be vulnerable. 

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. 

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. 

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. 

Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 

But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. 

It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 

To love is to be vulnerable. 

C.S. Lewis

My Unexplainable Sentiment

I wanna give up sometimes. I wanna crumple up all paper I've ever set my worthless thoughts on and shoot them into dustbin. I wanna drain all memories out of their banks and dump them into the roaring ocean and laugh as they roll away with the waves.

You know, the way you wanna throw away sentiments from an ex lover? Especially after they've ripped your heart out and stomped on it as if it's a fire hazard, until every last ember of love is extinguished into a thick layer of soot that coats the ground beneath their ungrateful feet. That's the way I wish to rid myself of this insatiable thirst to explain the unexplainable. But this is not about any ex lovers. This is about...it's unexplainable.

It's completely and utterly unattainable. Just like the moon will always be out of reach even when it appears to be hanging low enough to grab, so are the perfect words to describe that memory we wish to hold in our wretched hearts forever.

A memory may perch on the tip of our tongues long enough to convince us that we can capture its beauty indefinitely, but just a nanosecond before we obtain the wealth of wisdom, it withholds. It'll flutter away like a butterfly flapping iridescent wings. Just like that it'll vanish into thin air as if it never even existed and we'll soon forget what's so important about that flighty recollection in the 1st place.

I'll forget how incredibly painful losing something so beautiful can be. And at the same time, I'll forget how to trust. That's what frightens me the most. That's what drives me to say ludicrous things about my thirst to explain the unexplainable because I fear, with every ounce of my being, that I'll forget how to trust.

Hey June

Well, despite the bad start........

Hey June, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let me into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

Hey June, don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get me

The minute you let me under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey June, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

For well you know that it's the fools who play it cool

By making their world a little colder

Hey June, don't let me down

You have found me, now come and get me

Remember to let me into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in, hey June, begin

You're waiting for someone to perform with

And don't you know that it's just you, hey June, you'll do

The movement you need is on your shoulder

Come Home, Kitties

After 3 weeks, I am finally home and find myself crying really, really hard. It's been a while I didn't cry so hard since the last time when my deary cat, Asmara, died on the road. Now my 3 kitties and a mummy cat have gone missing. Mom said we lost them almost a month now. A month! And I never knew it till today, I am the last person to know about my missing cats. My heart shatters to pieces.

It's quite hard to believe, so I went knocking every door of my neighbors & crossing the dried paddy field to find my kitties. But they're nowhere to be found. If they're just wandering around, they would've came back. My kitties are either lost in somewhere, being kidnapped or donated. Either way, I should've known from the start, my family should let me know. I deserve to know! But I don't blame my family though..even I could  be angry at them.

Whoever has my kitties now, he/she better be nice to them & love them as much as I do. If I ever found that he/she is treating them badly, I'd make sure he/she lives in miserable. But if they're still wandering somewhere and couldn't get their back.......... *sobbing*..I hope they're safe and sound. 

My deary kitties, please come home..... :'(