Go Back to Square One

One thing you need to learn about life: you have to get used to square one. Do you know what "square one" means? Square one is the initial stage or starting point. When someone says back to square one, it means that he's going back to beginning to start again. 

When you're recovering from anything, square one sounds like the worst option. When you're learning something new, square one sounds so tedious and you just wanna jump to square 60 already, but life doesn't work that way. And I know most of us wished it did, but because it doesn't, we have to get used to square one. Make a home at square one. Decorate it with recovery and paint it with patience. When you realize you have to take a few steps back, to understand someone or something, just go back to this home you've made in square one. 

Be familiar with the different rooms, that when you go, you know exactly which one you need to sit in; understanding, trust, love, hope and knowledge. But there's one extra room; fear. Paint it the brightest yellow, vacuum the dust and scrape off the ceiling. Open up the windows and let the air flow in. Don't close the door. Drown fear in the bathtub, instead of being afraid of it. Be familiar with square one, that when you have to go back, that when you open up the front door, you find yourself kissing the ground and dancing with joy. Let square one be a safe place for you and not just an awkward, shameful walk home.

When all you know has been burned to the ground and your home on square 71 is in ashes, don't be afraid to sprint to square one and crash into the couch that holds so many dried up tears. Let square one be a home. Beginnings don't have to be hard and the start of something doesn't have to be scary. Square one has a welcome mat and the key has always been in your pocket. 

When you hit the negatives, that home you built is still right there. Let yourself sit there for however long you need until things are okay again. Then say “see you soon, old friend”. Be comfortable with square one.

I've been there and done that.

The Fringe Benefits of Failure

Eid Throwback

Hey, I'm back with a little recap! It's been a week now since 1st Syawal and a lot of wonderful things have happened. Praise to Allah for these gifts; my family and friends. Aidilfitri would be less meaningful without them. 

On the 1st day of Syawal, I was wearing a pair of baju kurung made of 3d digital flower printed fabric. They're basically light blue and pink, and there were some faux diamonds on them. So that's my favorite raya costume this year. After having prayers and visiting cemetery, we headed off to Kg Pimping, my dad's village, to meet our relatives. It's great to meet my cousins. You know, it's not easy to gather with them all and hari raya is the only perfect time to do it. On the next day, we made an open house and invited relatives and friends to come over. The Baks and Ifo's parents came too. ^^ 

I also got to go out with my best friends, visited their houses and met my former teacher. It's the good old days all over again! And the days went on and I really had a great time!

That is my cousin.

Family photo. It's incomplete, my 2nd sister and her kids weren't there

Oh you know this one :p

Aemy and The Baks Eid version

With friends. Screw the camera. 

Eid Mubarak

Ma'as-salama, ya Ramadan. Ahlan wa sahlan, ya Syawal. 

Dear everyone, I want to wish you a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I'm sorry for all the things I've done that made you feel uncomfortable or uneasy. I'm just a human being that's bound to make mistakes and sometimes I didn't realize it. I'm sorry. Thanks for your precious moments to visit and read my mediocre blog. Thanks for your support in my writing. Thanks for your lovely comments and feedback. They meant a lot to me. It's such an honor to have readers like you guys. You are awesome and I love you. Eid Mubarak! :) 

It's Okay

The time I had to write a thesis for my Food Tech course in the campus is up there with some of the hardest things I've learned. It's tough and broke me to pieces once, I almost give up. Alhamdulillah, all the hard work, determination, tears, depression and sleepless nights paid off. I left the faculty with smile and feeling  proud. I agree with myself that in the end, it's worth it.

Well, in retrospect, I much prefer those lessons than those with no definite answers, no charts. I'm turning 23 this year. It's odd. It seems as though far too much has happened for it to only be 23 years of lessons. Another hard lesson, which I'm still in the mere introductory chapters of the book, is the concept of friendships mattering a lifetime, affecting your life forever, yet sometimes fleeting. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to my friends properly and most of them have gone back to their hometowns. I wish I can do that on convocation. 

It doesn't mean your friendship meant nothing just because you don't talk anymore, right? Or that you moved on or moved up. Not at all. In fact, sometimes, your past friendships grow dearer with time. We all are busy. We all are at different points in our lives. And sometimes, people drift. 

That's okay. That's what I'm learning: it's okay.

At the time you're close, you will remember being close at that time. We change everyday, our lives change everyday. But at that time, you and that person, your friendship served a purpose, taught a lesson, helped you both grow. 

My friends, you're always in my heart. Those times, those places, those moments..they're forever treasured in my heart. They made me who I am. Thank you, dear friends. And though we may not speak often, or perhaps ever, I guarantee you, you're always, always in my heart.

Then and now.

..and if we don't meet no more in this world,

then I'll meet you in the next one,

and don't be late, don't be late...