2012 In a Nutshell

12 months ago I said "hello, please be nice" to the year of 2012, and just like a blink of the eye, it's time to say "goodbye and thanks for the memories". Well, the last 365 days of my life had been awesome. A lot has changed and alhamdulillah, I've found balance in many terms of life. Here's a brief recap and highlight of the best things that ever happened to me in 2012. ^^

Career

As a matter of fact, I don't have any official careers yet. But I did experience it during 6 months (March-August) of paid internship at Desa Hatchery. It's not my dream job at all, and to walk in a pool of chicken blood wasn't so cool. But I took those as challenges and I had so much fun working there. 

Family and friends

I had a lot of family events this year. Aidilfitri, birthday celebrations and holiday trips were the best ever. What I love about my family, especially my siblings, is they love to make many plans for us to have fun. My eldest brother and 2 sisters are married and have their own families, so we won't let the different lives grow us apart. Going for trips and having big lunch/dinner as weekend treats have been the perfect ways to get together. At the same time, I've made a wide circle of friends within the year and bonding with them has created the sweetest memories. I was glad to break the walls and build bridges again. :)

Social 

I went to a prom night of faculty with my friends from the whole batch which was the last prom we attended together. And not to forget that I also attended The Awesome Bloggers Gathering 2012 where I got to meet bloggers that I've known throughout my blogging experience. :)

Finance

I don't really have a stable financial position but I'm still feeling grateful to receive scholarship from the state government and I no longer totally depend on my parents. What I want to highlight is that I managed to get a new smart phone in midyear and a new laptop last month, both with my own savings. :)

Study

It's already my final year of study and it's been really tough. Juggling between assignments, exams and final year projects are not easy especially for someone who can't multitask like me. But there's always joy in hardship. :)

Personal 

I made a big change on myself this year. I thank God for giving me chance and leading my heart to be better. It may be tiny or insignificant to others, but being someone who wears hijab permanently is a turning point of my life. I've came to realize that wearing hijab is more than covering ourselves physically. It's also an act of being modest, portraying a believer of Islam, and all of those come with intention to please Allah. :)

Love life

As I've announced several days ago, 2012 marked the 4th year of relationship of me and Ifo. Even 4 years, he never fails to amaze me. I wish our love will remain until forever. I wish in future, he's the one that would lead prayer in front of me. :)

Goodbye 2012 and thanks for the memories. ^^

That is Loyalty

When you slept, He was awake. When you broke, He held you up. When every means failed, He saved you. When everyone left you, He remained. He always remains. 

Never forget when the storms pushed you to your knees and there's no one else who could help you, He carried you. When you're broken and you swore this time it couldn't be fixed, never forget who fixed it. Never forget what He saved you from. Never forget how He put you back together. 

That moment when you felt helpless and alone, never forget who never left. No matter who or what may be beside you now, never forget those moments when it was only Him. Only Him. That is loyalty.

:)

I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder why sometimes our hearts are more tender than usual. I wonder how people can say such disheartening things. I wonder if I've done something to make someone else sad. I wonder how sometimes I laugh about something so silly and within the next minute, burst into tears for something that hurts. And then there are days when nothing seems to be right and you wonder if you're naive for wake up with a hope for the day. The day which later turns out to be a day of disappointments.

Today I become a bit discouraged. I wonder how much my life could be impacted by..something.

Then I realize, it matters for the moment, but I won't let it sour my overall feelings.

I'll be sad and feel disappointed. But at the end of the day I must dust myself off, get up off the ground, and know that it's okay to fail sometimes. Failures only make us wiser, stronger.

Forever in Memory

It was a great day..

I finally finished and submitted my thesis part 1 that I dreaded over the past few days. I also had a great time today with Ifo and his sister, Niza; gadget-hunting, having lunch and hanging out at Tanjung Aru beach. 

It was a great day..

..until I got a text from my friend telling the death of someone that I met during internship. 

If you were following my internship story in March to August 2012, you might have read an entry that I wrote about the day we went to a house of a chicken slaughterer, Hj Marusin and met his wife. They're one of the sweetest old couples I've ever met. They're so kind, generous and treated us like their grandchildren. We visited them more than once, including on Aidilfitri, and we've been getting closer since then. 

Classes and final year projects kept us busy. We didn't get the chance or time to manage a visit at Hj Marusin's place. Just a couple of days ago I was thinking of them, reminiscing the sweet memory at the house and I miss them so much, especially the wife. I was planning to visit her after final exam.

But now, I could never see her again. She died today, this evening. 

I don't know what's the exact reason, but as far as I concern, she's old and suffering illness that old people are commonly having. I wish I were there now with Hj Marusin's family. I still remember when they told us how they met each other long long time ago. It's the sweetest story. I've known her only in a short period of time, but she's been a part of my happiness, a part of the reasons that strengthen the bond between me and my friends, a part of something that keeps me believing that love lasts forever.

My friends with Hj Marusin and his late wife

May Allah place her among the ones He loves and among the members of Jannah. Amin....

Al-Fatihah..

:'(

The Love we Deserve

We accept the love we think we deserve.

That's a quote from a book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (by Stephen Chbosky), which was really good. It's a beautiful story of a troubled boy who finds hope in a seamlessly hopeless world. I know the movie's coming out, but I recommend you to read the book first. This entry is not about the book by the way, since I've already wrote the review before. Instead, I'd like to talk about the quotes.

I was inspired to write this after having a "YOLO" conversation with a friend yesterday.  

Well, sometimes giving someone your everything doesn’t seem like enough. That's why there questions like, why hasn’t this been working? Why do some stay in unhealthy relationships? Why do some reject those who love them? Why are some so lucky? 

The truth is, we accept the love we think we deserve.

The way we're treated is dictated by ourselves, not others. If you don’t think you deserve to be treated the way you are, the only thing keeping you from walking away is yourself. We’re sad when we think we have the right to be sad. We’re angry when we think we have the right to be angry. So why don’t we love when we think we have the right to be loved?

There's no handcuff of silence. It’s okay to forgive and admit you're wrong. But it’s also okay to leave, walk away from the emotional abuse of that relationship, and don’t settle because you don’t think you can do better. We're imperfect beings. But our imperfections are neither reasons to stay nor leave. We can always do better for others and for ourselves. Your choice is whether the trials pave a road worth traveling.

Allow those around you to love you and love those who surround you. Don’t settle for less and don’t cut yourself short. Because at the end of the day, the love we accept is the love we think we deserve.

I love you. ;)