Things That Just Aren’t Fair

1. Some people are born into families and circumstances which, despite their clearly limited talents or abilities in any given field, will yield the kind of opportunities and luxuries that most of us will never experience.

2. Many people throughout your life are going to start off with the promise of good friendship and real understanding, only to quickly reveal themselves as a friend you can only engage in shallow, superficial interactions with.

3. The perception that a lot of people in life have is going to hinge on your appearance and how cool you seem to them. They won't be interested in you as a person, even if you treat them with nothing but respect and compassion.

4. Sometimes your crush will not be interested in you, and will pick someone else over you who doesn't share their interests, or know them on as intimate a level as you do. And that’s likely exactly what they are looking for.

5. Even when you follow the recipe, sometimes it’s going to come out tasting and looking horrendous.

6. Sometimes the thing someone chose to study in school ends up proving very useful and relevant, and they have a smooth transition into a nice job that they like, even if they have what is perceived as a pointless degree.

7. Sometimes the thing someone chose to study, despite being a very good investment by almost all measurements, yields almost nothing in the way of job prospects upon graduation and leaves them feeling like their whole education was a waste of time.

8. Job applications/cover letters/resumes may often not be read or even opened, no matter how hard you worked on them.

9. Because they're from a generation that never lived with the kind of job market and debt that we currently face, the judgments and comments of older people in your family or community are something you’ll never really be able to get rid of.

10. There are certain people who are incapable of keeping secrets or taking in personal information without rendering judgment, and sometimes you don’t know who they are until it’s too late.

11. Some people who have the things you've always wanted but haven't found (a loving relationship, a successful career, a beautiful apartment, etc) are not going to appreciate them. They won’t take care of them the way you believe they should.

12. People will say “I’m broke” when they just mean “I spend too much money and I should really go to fewer brunches this week,” and you are actually broke.

13. The days you painstakingly plan often end up being a bust or a mild disappointment, while the evenings which just kind of pop up out of nowhere become the nights you remember forever.

14. Sometimes public transportation will seem out to screw you over personally, and you will end up late to something important, and no one will really believe your story about the subway, then the bus, then the bike share. So you will have to live in your multi-layered frustration all by yourself.

15. No matter what it is you choose to do with your life, how you want to make money, or who you want to be in love with, you are going to be upsetting someone. There is going to be someone who looks at your life, even when it has absolutely no bearing on their own, and feels personally affronted enough by your decision to be an asshole and make disdainful comments about it. This is only a poor reflection on them, and realizing they don’t matter as quickly as possible is the best course of action you can take.

Me Being a Teacher

I'm unofficially graduated. I barely have money and I need it so badly. So I signed up for a contract job at the district education office and guess what, I've got the job as a substitute teacher at a primary school, it's been 2 weeks already. So I teach English, Maths and Visual Arts for the pupils of Year 4 and 5. Yeah, I know, laugh all the way. Arts, huh? I can't even draw a tree properly. Lol. But surprisingly, I don't have to teach them how to draw or make DIYs, because they're really good at it. 

I once believed that I won't be a teacher because I can't teach people, I didn't know how to do it. But really, it's not that bad at all. Especially when they're much younger than you. Well, I have 11 nieces and nephews, so I don't really find it difficult in dealing with kids. So far I can keep the kids at school in check for the most part and I'm feeling confident in my ability to lead them. If I have to discipline a kid for bad behavior I don't even think twice. Modifying lesson plans also is not a problem. 

I think my strength has always been in being flexible and being able to adapt to whatever situations are thrown at me. This is helping me in the classroom. One of the perks of being a teacher is being exposed to the logic of young children. It's fascinating to watch them learn, think and talk, you know. Most children are so creative and imaginative and sometimes come up with the most profound or funny things to say. At the end of the day, this is what puts a smile on my face. I know I'm gonna miss them when the contract is over. I'm feeling good and that's all that matters to me now. I'm going to relish in this feeling that lately has been hard to come by. 

Dear Cory

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and always will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come. 



When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this on searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understand, we've been forced to say goodbye.

 

I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, I know we will see each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before.

— Nicholas Sparks

The beautiful words above are taken from The Notebook novel by Nicholas Sparks. I've always loved it. When I read it back, my mind somehow drifts to Cory Monteith. All Gleeks were mourning him and crying so hard, I guess we still are, well at least I still am. My excitement for Glee 5 has all gone because it doesn't feel right to be excited for it anymore. Watching Finn Hudson on tv and knowing that he's dead would be a devastation. It won't be the same.

Dear Cory, I'll probably never meet you and never be able to thank you for the moments that you made us happy even if you don’t know it. Of course I never will. The love of a fan is funny, you know. When you think you could not love so intensely someone that you barely know, sometimes life just sweep you off your feet and you find yourself loving them more. Thank you for the smiles you put on our face. Thank you for soothing us with your amazing voice. For all the friends I've made around the world. There once was a tall, awkward Canadian with a crooked smile that came in this world with the mission of bringing happiness to the people that surround him. 

Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone. I miss you, Cory. 

be strong, Lea

Fiction Friday: What's Left of Us

Sequel to this. 

Her eyes are glued to the scenery ahead as we rush through the heart of this city. Her slender fingers tap the steering wheel as I thumb through the newspaper we bought at our last pit stop a few miles back. The headlines read that our strength as a country is rapidly dwindling and violence has taken precedence over love. This is not news to me so I fold it up and cram it into the glove box.

I halfway roll down the window and light up a cigarette, letting the rush of toxins and smoke cloud my lungs for a brief second before exhaling. She shoots me a disapproving glance so I steal a few more puffs and toss what’s left out the window. I watch as it tumbles onto the rolling ground behind us and out of sight. She smiles and averts her eyes back to the cars she is chasing after. I fiddle with the radio but fail to find a station that plays good music. Great. Now, all we have to listen to is our impenetrable silence which I have learned to be equally as deafening. 

The car slows around a dangerous curve and I make believe that it flips off the edge. I wonder if thoughts like that ever cross her mind or if I really am just the jerk she has declared me to be. I shrug it off and touch her hair but she swats it off almost instantaneously. Is this really what happens to love as it ages? I always envisioned everlasting butterflies and laughter but instead we are immersed in silence and anguish.

This vacation is built on the hope that we can rekindle a flame that has long since extinguished, and so far that hope is dwindling. She is fixated on cutting our traveling time in half rather than living in the moment with me. This is never going to work. We are hopeless. Hopeless. I mutter this word under my breath which stirs a reaction in her. Her eyes are already reeling when she asks me what can possibly be wrong now. I pretend that it is nothing because I know she won’t pry the way she once did back when she cared to know what was on my mind. I am right and she resumes her battle against the ticking clock.

We are 260 miles of our destination and a hundred more light years away from salvaging anything from this relationship. I am not even trying. She is not even trying. The lack of effort is burying us alive but still we are not kicking and screaming to be let out. We are accepting our defeat. We are cowards, afraid to fight for the love we once called our oxygen.

I am mourning our loss and she will not stop tapping her slender fingers against the steering wheel. The sound is puncturing my heart now. This is what is left of us.

Write like Lewis

- C. S. Lewis