December 10, 2013

For the Brokenhearted Girl

A few weeks ago I received a message from a dear friend who's younger than me and going through a heartbreak. She asked me to write an advice and post it here, she is not a blogger but often reads my blog, which is flattering. So this is the reply I could come up with, I'm not a good adviser, but this is straight from my heart. I hope it'd help you, dear.

Dearest darling,

First of all, a big hug to you. This heartache your feeling is raw, and you're such a tender soul right now. Take a second to breath, and know that you're so loved by so many people. You got that, sis? Okay? Okay. :)

Secondly, oh..boys. And I say boys because I dated someone who sounds crazy similar to your boy, and that's exactly how they behaved, like boys. But we accept it, because we think they'll turn into men sooner than later and the sad part is, sometimes they take years! Or never even grow up. But you can't let him stop your growing because of his own issues. It's hard, because they're boys who don't think like logical men.

This may be the hardest part of all, but I'm telling you this from the side of the heartbroken: cut off all communication. Hide his facebook updates, delete his number from your phone, and try and explain to your friends that  you need to be away from him until you feel better. In my humble opinion, staying friends so fresh after a breakup never, ever works. With my ex, he responded to none of my reaching out to him after the breakup. I found this to be cruel cruel cruel. But, years later, I saw him and thanked him for this time of healing. I thanked him silently. Because he knew that it'd just drag the process out longer. It's like ripping off a band-aid. You either do it slowly and feel every single of pain for each individual piece, or you rip that off quickly and get it over with. I highly recommend the latter.

I also want to point out that when things get serious, it terrifies boys, because they aren't used to feeling such strong emotions. So, to protect themselves, I'm of the opinion that they run from anything to keep themselves from getting hurt. But this is not your fault, nor is it mine. It's just the nature of the beast.

Take some time for you, let him see that if he really wants space, you'll give it to him, and let him see that the pain of losing you isn't worth it. And, if he's still scared, he's not the one for you. You know how the saying goes like, "let it go, if it comes back, it's yours; if not, it never was". I find that to be quite true sometimes. I know you and him have a love that's between you two. It'll always be there. And it'll always be unique to you two. That's the best part about love, there's never the same love twice, so you'll always be in each other's hearts.

I hope this helps a bit, dear friend. I know this is very hard to believe, but your heart will heal. It really will. And you'll be stronger for it. But in the meantime, embrace your emotions. And love, eat, and stay healthy. Take a lavender shower and buy yourself a fantastic new dress or lipstick. One that reminds you every time you see it that you're healing.

So much love to you and don't hesitate if you need to talk! Big hugs!


  1. This is such an awesome read, Aemy! Keep up the good work. xoxo

  2. i like the words "let it go, if it comes back, it's yours; if not, it never was"

    i used to have this heartbroken thingy years ago and i was like not myself when that time. but i managed to cope it by keep praying and remember for who i am in this world. life is up and down, its up to us on how we manage to cope it..

    hope ur friend will be okay soon. Remember, Time will heals everything. anything has to change by time...

    miss u darl!

    1. Indeed, as much as heartbroken hurts, it gave us lessons and it's the reason why we're here now, happy & grown up :)

  3. Ah. Reading this and listening to Beyonce "Broken-hearted girl" at the same time.
    What a very good advise dear Aemy. I hope your friend will take her time slowly to heal and I must agreed 100 percent on cutting all the communication. The less (or none) communication; the better because she need to heal.

    Oh boys. Will always be boys. Though they're grown up men; they still be boys sometime.

    1. Boys need us to be real men, but sometimes they don't realize that. Haha ;)
      Thanks anyway, dear ^^

  4. oh aemy! i wish i can hug u now coz i want to so bad..this is so meaningful, i love every word that u wrote. it brings me tears..tears of hope, i may say..yes, i can see hope that my heart will heal. thanks so much, sis. u are very nice person, i hope i could see u in person one day. thanks thanks thanks sooo much! i'll talk to u soon ok! i love u sis!

    1. Hey darling :)
      I'm glad you love it, as u can see, this is all I can say. I was worried that everything would sound cliche, but it's all from my own experience. Thanks for counting on me. We may see each other one day. I love you too :)

  5. This is really helpful. Your words are so calming. You are indeed a great advisor. HEEEE :D Keep it up!


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