Time Won't Wait

It's kind of dichotomous, you know? Celebrating life and mourning death. The excitement of being together with family and friends contrasted with sadness for the circumstances that brought us there. It's been 50 days since my grandmother passed away, but the funeral day's still fresh in my mind. Although we were gathered because of her death, I realized that we're actually all there because of her life.

When's the last time you told your family/friends/lovers that you love them? Death taught me to say it now. And to say it the way you mean it with every ounce of love. It showed me how to be appreciative of someone else's time. To express a grateful heart before the moment escapes me. To stay curious. 

The thing about death is that it makes you think about how you're living, the legacy people have created with all that they leave behind, how you've spent time. And I wonder about how many times I've let an opportunity passed by to tell someone how much they mean to me while they're there, right there. I also think back how many phone calls I didn't make or pick up, the questions I didn't ask and the stories I never heard. And how many chances I've blown that one day I hope to get back. But the thing about time is that you can't go back. Just forward.  

Here's to no longer keeping things off for tomorrow. Because all we really have is today.

Do it now. Say it now. Be it now.

When it Rains

Nothing can be more of a bummer when you have your day planned for going outside and the rain pours. While it's true that nothing beats the feeling of warmth brought about by sunshine, it doesn't mean that you can't have fun being indoors. You might feel that jogging feels more refreshing; shopping's a lot more fun; and other activities seem to become more interesting when the sun's out. But there are many things that you can do when it's raining when you feel like you have no choice but to be cooped at home. I don't feel cooped at all. So what I do when it rains?

Read a book. This might seem like a cliche, but it's really fun.

Watch movies. HBO, Fox, AXN and Star World are my favorite channels. 

Watch tv series that I've recorded in PVR.

Cook a lot; from my favorite meals to the new ones with new recipes. Bake. It's fun to do experiment in the kitchen especially when it rains.

Cuddle with my cats and let them nibble on my fingers. 

Enjoy a good hot cup of coffee or tea.

Browse some fancy stuff like shawls, blouses, shirts, dresses and places to go to someday.

When creativity strikes, I make some D.I.Y projects.

Sometimes I write; short stories, poems, random unsent letters. 

Learn to play piano with my old keyboard.

Blog..like right now. 

Read biographies of famous and inspirational people. 

Listen to cool songs, mostly Paramore's. 

Sleep. 

I don't do all of these things at one rainy day all at once. Since it's been endlessly raining for days, I do different things everyday. However, I still hope that the sun will shine again soon because I do miss going out with my friends..and I need the sun to dry my clothes. 

So what do you do at home when it's raining?

There will come a time when you love the sun again, you will love the flowers; but right now you may love the mist, the rain and the passing of time. Because it reminds you most of yourself, it reminds you of the uncertainty of the future and the loss of the pass. And that's okay, because you're learning to love those little parts of yourself that can be so easily forgotten in the glow and warmth of the sun. One day though, you will dance in the rays of afternoon and you will bask in the hope of restoration. But until then, know that you're allowed to love those silent moments of your life.

Dust on His Path

"There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often."
– Surah Al-Ahzab (33:21)

The salvation of humanity and every individual lies in following the blessed sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (saw), who has been sent by Allah (swt) as a role model for us until qiamat. But some people think that sunnah is only restricted to prayers, fasting and several others. Instead, there are sunnah for all the activities we do everyday. In Islam, the Arabic word 'sunnah' has come to denote the way Rasulullah (saw), the Messenger of Allah, lived his life. And following the sunnah of Rasulullah (saw) in all aspects of life will bring blessings of Allah to us. 

Here's a few sunnah of Rasulullah (saw):

1. Sunnah of eating

• recite bismillah and du'a before eating
• start with fruits if any
• use right hand, 3 fingers if possible
• don't drink while eating
• eat before hungry, stop before full 

2. Sunnah of sleeping

• clean and take wudhu before going to bed
• recite ayat al-Kursi before sleeping
• sleep on right hand side with right palm under right cheek
• keep knees slightly bent

3. Sunnah on anger management

• when you're angry while standing, sit
• when you're angry while siting, lie down
• when you're angry while lying down, take wudhu 
• never let anger control you, control the anger

4. Sunnah on favorite sports

• archery, riding horse and swimming

5. Sunnah on favorite food

• barley, dates, figs, olives, grapes, honey, watermelon, milk, mushroom, pomegranate, and plain water 

There are more and you can find them in many sources. Happy Maulidur Rasul. :)

I am the servant of the Qur'an as long as I have life. I am the dust on the path of Muhammad, the Chosen One. - Rumi

Week of Celebration

It's been a great week!!

8th January marks the 24th birthday of a friend of mine and Ifo, Jasper Olsen Francis. As requested by his girlfriend, Fenny, who's currently working in peninsular, we threw a party for him. I probably know how it feels to be in long distant relationship, ones would want their partner to have a special moment on birthday even though they're away from each other. So we ordered cheese cake and celebrated at Tanjung Aru's SugarBun. It's not really a surprise party because we didn't have enough time to set it up. We gave Jasper a superhero mask as a gift, since he looks like Aaron Taylor-Johnson and we called him KickAss. It's not even a KickAss mask, but it still made him look like one. I think it's time to introduce The Baks members to you (I'll do this on each birthday). Jasper is a pharmacist, has been Ifo's friend since high school and I met him at matriculation. He's a very nice guy to hangout with, you can never be bored when he's around because he's very friendly and talkative. What we like about him is that he's an informative, adventurous, easy-going and open-minded person. He's someone that will always be there for friends in good and bad times. When you share your problems with him, he'd come up with the best advice and solutions. And he's multitalented; karate kid, pianist, athlete. We're glad to have him as a friend. :)

On Friday, me with Ifo and my sister went back to Papar to help preparing for tahlil feast that was held on the next day. Since we couldn't attend it, we came a day earlier to help in preparation. Ifo also gave some helps in the kitchen, he's good at it and I was glad that he got along very well with my relatives; aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors. They all love him. 

On 11th, I went to my best friend's wedding reception at Permai D'Valley Ratau. I'm genuinely happy that Rafizza's finally married to her Navy man, Lt Haffiz. We came quite late, so we missed the earlier sessions like Navy parade and some traditions, but it's okay as long as I can meet the bride and groom, see the happiness and took pictures together. There were 2 pelamin, one of them is the modern pelamin, prettily decorated in purple and white, matched the bride's purple dress. Then they changed into Dusun Lotud traditional costume to sit at the other pelamin. There's quite a vibe of Sabah on the reception, I guess they wanted to introduce Sabah to the groom's family as they're from West Malaysia. Congratulations to Rafizza and Lt Haffiz, I wish they live happily ever after. ^^

And I'm happy to announce that I got a new job, it's not like an official or day-to-day job, but as a freelance writer, I call it a job. I love it. Another web project is coming soon, it's not really a big thing but I'm gearing up. On top of that, I'll be starting a temporary job as substitute teacher again soon at a primary school. Well, this is the life of an unemployed 24-year-old lady. Blissfully content. 

happy birthday Jasper!

kickass!

Dusun Lotud traditional costume

congrats Rafizza and Lt Haffiz

We are Stories still Going

There are parts of stories that we wish were different, things we wish we could change, erase, forget. We get stuck in moments. Memories turn to ghosts. We try to live in the past, but it never works. And then somehow, inside the same story, there's good. There are memories that make us laugh and make us smile, relationships and conversations, dreams of jobs and families, and places that we hope to go. Even things as simple as favorite books and songs and films, the way they remind us we're alive, these things are part of our story as well. And we've come to believe that all of it matters, that all of it is significant and the opposite of small. We've come to believe that you deserve to be around people who know these parts of you, people who laugh and mourn and celebrate with you, people who remind you that you're not alone.

If you should ever get to a place where your life feels like it's not worth living, where the pain's just too great, know that it's okay to be honest and ask for help. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it doesn't mean you're something strange or some kind of burden. It simply means you're human. May you wake to the day when life feels worth living, when joy comes back, hope shows up, love returns. 

If you're reading this, if there's air in your lungs on this day, then there's still hope for you. Your story's still going. And maybe some things are true for all of us. Perhaps we all relate to pain. Perhaps we all relate to fear and loss and questions. And perhaps we all deserve to be honest, we all deserve whatever help we need. Our stories are all so many things. Heavy and light. Beautiful and difficult. Hopeful and uncertain. But our stories aren't finished yet. There's still time, for things to heal, change and grow. There's still time to be surprised. We're stories still going, you and I.

Peace to you today, tomorrow and days ahead.